15 August 2017

Two very special people from nearly five decades back

Last year, one Saturday evening, sitting by myself around midnight, I was reflecting on my life and the various people who helped me thru that journey. Somehow, my mind went back to Jagannath-da who I had almost forgotten.

I was born a farmer’s son. My dad used to till land till he got a break and got a job in a steel plant that was getting constructed about 100 kilometers away from our village. During those very very early days of my life – a life comprising of a hut made of dirt, roof made of straw, ablutions in ponds, a lot of playing in dirt roads and such rural facets – Jagannath-da and his brother Santo-da were our heroes.

They both worked with my dad and his brother (my uncle) in the land that we had growing rice and potatoes. And they worked on a lot of household work for us. They – specially Jagannath-da – served a very important role in my life. I was too short then to pick the mangoes and tamarinds from the low hanging branches of the trees. And too weak and of terrible aim to fell them with stones. So, Jagannath-da used to pick me up on his shoulders and then I used to grab a mango or a tamarind. Or two.

That evening by the poolside started a near impossible search for Jagannath-da and Santo-da. I knew the name of the village they lived in but I did not have contacts of anybody in their or my village who would know them. Eventually, my dad had given away some part his land to Jagannath-da and Santo-da and sold the rest. Then we lost contact.

As luck would have it, when I was in Frankfurt during transit this time, one of my very distant cousin sent a message that somebody in that family of Jagannath-da (they were seven brothers and one sister and I am sure had at least twenty to twenty five sons and daughters) actually has a mobile phone and that my cousin will get me the number in a day.

She came thru for me. By the time I landed in Delhi, I had a number. After I landed in Bangalore, I called up that number and I asked whoever picked it up to pass it on to Jagannath-da. “Chintey paarchho? Ami Damu-r chhele Bachchu bolchhi”, I asked, half afraid that I might be a very distant memory for me.

I really had nothing to worry about. He rattled off a lot of things about me and our time together nearly fifty years back that I have mostly forgotten. Touched that he actually remembers me so vividly, I promised to see him and Santo-da this trip.

Yesterday, I made the trek to my old village. Dad had gone off to sleep in the afternoon. I grabbed a local guy and got him to drive me to the village. (My brother had to rush back to Kolkata since my elder nephew is down with fever now).

Just as the car turned at Shibtala, I could see two gentlemen sitting under a tree, umbrellas in their hand (it is rainy season here). I distinctly recognized Jagannath-da. I had to wait till Santo-da smiled to remember his face. I do not remember how long the hugs lasted but they were not long enough!

So many memories. So many things to thank for. Such great, simple and honest people from the yesteryears.

We went walking around the village and remembering some of the old spots. Found out that their family still till the land my dad had given them. Believe it or not, Jagannath-da – the one on my left – is 85 years old! He came walking from his village to meet me. Santo-da brought his bicycle!

That was one of my best intersection points of my life. These are people on whose shoulders I have – literally and figuratively – climbed upon to be who I am today!!! I hope to see them a few more times in my life and spend a little more time with them…

14 August 2017

Of Duke, Diana and Nice biscuits…

If words like Duke and Diana make you feel that the roots of the story lies somewhere in England, you would not be totally wrong.

Let’s go back a couple of days:
I was in Frankfurt airport lounge when I got a message from Anna – who lives in London – that she had seen my FB post of going to India. And that she would be headed to Kolkata to check on her mom too. She was curious if it would be possible for us to meet. If we did that, we would be seeing each other after about 32 years. I told her that I will give my best shot at it since that would give me an opportunity to see her mom too.

Let’s go back a little further. In fact about couple of years:
I had written a FB message to an Anna Mitra saying that I saw her post a comment on Anannya’s post. Looking at her profile picture, I had to ask her – “Are you Diana? If so, would you remember me? I am Rajib – your cousin Mem-didi’s friend from Durgapur. I used to play badminton with you and Simi (Anannya) when you were barely seven or eight during your visits to your uncle (Dubey-kaku) in Durgapur”. Fortunately Diana (aforementioned Anna) made no pretense of not knowing me even after recognizing me 🙂

That day, I got an update on her brother – Atanu – who was called Duke and her dad and mom. The sad news was to find out that her dad was no more. But the good news was that I still had a chance to meet her mom (we called “Pisi” since that is what my friend Aditi – the above mentioned Mem-didi – called her.)

Now let’s take another step back in time. About 34 years from today:
I was in a residential school near Kolkata. My friend Aditi studied in a school in Kolkata and she stayed with her aunt (“Pisi”). Both of us were studying hard those days to get into engineering schools. She was more talented than me – she cracked the engineering exam as well as the medical exam – I stayed with only the engineering exam.

Not sure how it works now, but those days, there were two very renowned tutorials by mail to help you get prepared for the engineering exam – Agarwal’s and Brilliant Tutorials. To split the costs, Aditi and I had worked out with our parents that I would buy Agarwal’s and she would buy Brilliant’s. And then about once a month or so, I used to catch 218/B bus to land up at Pisi’s place to exchange our materials.

Duke and Diana – who were very young then – always used to come and chat with me and after some time Pisi would shoo them away and ask them not to disturb us. (Aditi and I often had to ask each other for help if one managed to solve a problem and the other did not. That was probably not a very accurate way of portraying the true picture since I was the one who always needed help).

But the best memories from those days? The cup of tea and Nice biscuits that Pisi always served me. I am not sure if you get Nice biscuits any more – but they were coconut flavored rectangular biscuits with serrated margin. The best part was the twenty or so pieces of sugar that used to be somehow attached to the top. I am salivating even now remembering how the first bite used to taste. The only essential problem to be solved was whether to dive into a bite straightaway or dip it first in the tea!!

Now let’s try to time-warp all those timelines together:
When you do that, what you get is a room full of people together – some from my past and some I saw for the first time. Almost like those get togethers before – except fast forwarded by a generation. Got to see Duke and Diana after such a long long time. More importantly, got introduced to their kids who were absolutely charming. Discussing studies with Dipanjan on one hand and then talking to Ahona (little Olivia) about the cute street dogs and goats on the streets of India – that was just a nostalgic throwback to over three decades back.

Incredible part though was getting to see Pisi and thanking her for all the care she used to take of me when I visited her.

The time went by too quickly. Maybe Atanu, Anna, Dipanjan, Dipannita or Rina, you can help me fill in the details… all I remember is I was talking loudly and somehow we were all laughing constantly!!!

Let’s not wait for three more decades to laugh together again. I know for a fact nobody would want to hear a octogenarian Rajib talk loudly 🙂

13 August 2017

I am posting this to serve as a warning to Sharmila…

… of the days that are to come 🙂

Seriously though, for all the challenges my parents have – my mom is a severe psychiatric patient and my dad barely can get out of his bed, we have been very very lucky to have an excellent support system. We have been fortunate enough to have my sister live in an apartment (flat) downstairs from my parents – giving them full attention and yet enough independence for both. My brother lives a couple hours away and co-ordinates most of the medical stuff – including ferrying his weekly injections in a ice box every month from Kolkata. And of course, I get to do the easy part of visiting them once a quarter. In short, we have been blessed with a support system that very few have been lucky enough to provide their parents.

At the most basic level though, it is my mom who takes care of all my dad’s needs, whims and idiosyncrasies. After coming back from an evening walk, I saw my dad have enough energy to get up in his bed, but no more. Mom – who has just undergone a surgery was patiently feeding him.

Not knowing anything better to do, I just sat down in the nearest chair and started talking to them. And took a picture of them to remind Sharmila what my minimum expectations would be of her when I grow old 🙂 Ha ha 🙂

13 August 2017

Once a mom… always a mom!!

I was trying to relax in the afternoon and grab my forty winks – or maybe forty thousand of them to counter my jet lag when I heard my dad calling out my name from where he was sleeping. I put my glasses on and went to his room and asked “Ki holo?” (What happened?).

Well. “ki holo” is this: He had woken up and gotten himself to sit up to register a severe complaint to me about my mom. First he asked me if I had checked out the new cushions mom had gotten made for two of the outside chairs. I replied in the negative. Upon his encouragement, I went to the outside patio (which is where I spend endless hours in the morning and evening) and found that the two standard chairs had two spanking new cushions. Not sure where this was leading to, I took a picture of the chairs and came back to his room.

“Did you see the cushions?”, he asked.
“I did. What is the big deal?”

Well here apparently was the big deal:
A couple of weeks back, Mom got the cushions made. The following day, my dad had ostensibly dragged himself out of the bed and at a slow pace, eventually made it to the outside patio (about ten feet away) and plonked himself down in one of the chairs. Only to be rudely awakened by Mom who had run from the kitchen, yelling at him to get off from the chair. My dad, thoroughly confused, struggled to get up using his walking stick and asked “Ki holo” (no more translations required).

Apparently, mom took the cushions away and asked him to sit down.

“Cushion gulo to bosbar jonno-i baaniyechho”, he told mom. (I thought you made the cushions for people to sit down on).
“Tomar jonno noi. Bachchu esey bosbey”. Looks like mom summarily dismissed him mentioning that she got the cushions made specifically for me to sit down when I come home.

My dad’s expression says it all – “What did I do wrong”???

Ah! Once a mom, always a mom, I say!

13 August 2017

Sparks of his old sense of humor…

After about an hour and half, he finally woke up. “Esey gechhis?” (You have reached already?) he exclaimed and then slowly got up. He did not move from his spot in the bed but carried on with a lively conversation. In fact, he even managed to smile multiple times.

I was pretty surprised that he very quickly noticed the Fitbit my brother was wearing – I got for him this time. (see inset). Of course, he thought it to be simple watch – he has no idea of what a Fitbit is.

“Ghori ta notun kinli”? (You bought a new watch?)
“Dada enechhey” (My brother mentioned that I got it for him)

Next few minutes there was enough confusion in the room as my brother tried to explain to him that it could measure his heart beat, number of steps, miles run and so on. Thoroughly impressed, my father soon had a practical question – “But how will you tell the time?” That is when my brother explained that the device also gave time.

Dad then took a closer look and then had the next practical question – “Kichhu dekha jachche na. Somoy dekhbi ki korey? Side-er switch tiptey hobey naaki?”. Looking at the blank screen, he was wondering how was by brother going to tell the time. And then he guessed that the push switch was probably put in for that.

Now any one of you who use Fitbit surely know this – in reality, all you do is raise your wrist and turn it a little – like you would do when you check the time on your watch. The device detects that and switches itself on.

My dad was totally impressed by this. He tried in every which way to guess how the device was figuring it out. That he was feeling better came thru in glimpses of his old humor… First he asked my brother to close his eyes and do the same wrist movement to see if we can trick the device into thinking that we wanted to check time.

But the final one was the best … after contemplating for a little more, he said “Bhalo hoyechhe. Raast-ay aar lokjon jaalabey na – Kota baajchhe dada, kota baajchhe dada korey :-)” Translated, he appreciated the design even more since he felt nobody will disturb my brother on the roads asking him for the time. (Implication being they will notice that the watch does not work).

[Disclaimer: To appreciate the joke, you have to go back a few decades in India when watches were not always that ubiquitous. In fact, often in buses, trains, streets, we found out time by simply asking the next person. Assuming he/she was not wearing a watch with a blank screen 🙂 ]

And with that, he was tired enough again to lay down on the bed.

13 August 2017

It is like we never left school…

Dibyendu had figured out that I was going to land from Hyderabad around 8:30 last morning. Trust him to keep track of all things going on with our classmates. The first thing he had told me a few weeks back was that Ananda Bhoumik was also going to land at the same airport around the same time in some other flight.

And that somehow burgeoned into a quick get together of some of our middle school friends even before I could step out of Kolkata airport. I had not seen Ananda since having some tea at a roadside stall (I think was called “Chheds”) in his college campus of IIT-Kharagpur. That was 1985! It was awesome seeing the guy – who was our role model those days in every which way – and continues to be so after such a long time.

Pratap took some time off from his vacation day to come and join us. He works in the airport. I am sure going back to his work place on his vacation day was not high on his list. But he did come out to do it anyways.

Speaking of airport being the workplace – there was also our inimitable Kaushik Bose. Who seems to be incessantly working on yet another business idea always. Also, between the three of these guys, we had most of the bulwark of our school soccer team sitting right there.

Of course the craziest guy was Atanu Bhadra – he actually drove for nearly 200 km (120 miles) to meet us. And after meeting us, he drove back home!! The four of the above also were the cream of our class in terms of academic ranking.

The surprise of the party was Arup Dutt who got wind of the fact that we were all near the airport – and on his way to office, he dropped by too! And by saying “wind of the fact”, I really mean, somehow Dibyendu had figured out that he was going to be in the neighborhood and gotten the message to him. Dibyendu is like the master of ceremony for all our get togethers.

Thank you Dibyendu and thank you Atanu, Ananda, Arup, Kaushik and Pratap for making it so special for me moment I stepped out of the airport.

I am not sure there are too many things I did well in my early years. But choosing of some great friends – that one I nailed it!!!

11 August 2017

The walk of my life!!

I was determined to see him. I was going to be in Bangalore after 12 long years. I have no idea when I will be in Bangalore again. There are lots of friends from my past that are in Bangalore. If I were to meet three of them every day for drinks, I can easily spend over a whole month in Bangalore. But I was determined to see this gentleman above anybody else.

1991 was the last time I saw him. Before starting my job life, I had visited the parents of my friend (Raj Subramaniam) from MBA days and spent a few hours with them. His mom is no more. That is a terrible lost opportunity for me. That resolved me to never make a statement that I missed seeing him (Raj’s dad) when I had a chance to.

Catching barely a few hours of sleep, I woke up very early in the morning to ensure that Bangalore traffic would not come in my way to go from one end of the city to the other, spend some time with the Subramaniam family and then go to yet another end to start the office meetings.

There are too many memories from this morning – seeing Raj – my MBA class mate, my team mate from a project a few of us did together in MBA school that I am incredibly proud of till this day (the others continued on that success to start their own companies – I was the only exception. In my defense, I just did the user interface simulation). Raj and I joined the same first job of our lives together – in fact, we even lived in the same apartment as long as both of us worked in Bombay. The quintessential calm and composed guy, he was, and continues to be the absolute opposite of me. I would come back from office extremely agitated and vent to him that the stupid computer CPU cycle was pitiful that I could only put in really half a days work. He would just keep staring at me and once he sensed that my lips had stopped moving, he would close his eyes and in that Zen like tone say “Good point”.

Seeing Kavita – his wife – with who I have talked often but never seen was another reward. The dosai she cooked for me? To die for!! Unfortunately, I did not get a lot of time to spend with her since she had to chauffeur the kids from their squash games to their classes and all.

Meeting Aditya and Saumya for the first time and finding common connection points? Very fulfilling!! As you can see, Aditya and I share the same passion in tabla. In fact, before running off to school, he sat down and played some for me. Saumya – who has a love for English and writing – a love I share – but not as skilled as her though – and I discussed whether to memorialize her writings in a blog or a book…

But nothing – nothing in this world – could top the fact, Raj’s dad came out to meet me and then we two went out for a walk. Imagine this: I am seeing him after 26 years. He is pushing 91. He grabbed his walking stick and led me. I was still in my office clothes and merrily walked beside him. Eventually Raj joined us after putting in a run. But before he joined us, it was uncle and I. I enquired softly about his house in Puliyannur, his grandkids, his other sons. He haltingly answered – all the while pacing me hard in my walk. I told him how I was a big fan of the newsletters he used to publish about the activities of his family members. (Raj used to bring those for me and I used to read them cover to cover).

That was a magical morning for me. Being able to walk side by side with somebody whose wisdom precedes me by about half a century and yet being able to connect with each other with some spotty memories from the past…

Yet at a metaphorical sense… it was always about walking together for a few steps. In life, we are all destined to have our own journeys. The memorable moments are created when we let each other walk a few steps – of those very different journeys – together. Coming to think of it – is that not what life itself is about? Welcoming and accepting each other in our life journey – as short as some of those steps together might be?

Thank you uncle for accepting me in your life journey for a few steps this morning…

11 August 2017

One more Thank You expressed!!

I had last seen her in 1974. Second grade for me. She was my class teacher (home room teacher). After a very long search, I was able to locate her earlier part of this year in Hyderabad. I had talked to her and promised her that when I get a chance, I will come and see her. And then when I realized that I lost my third grade home room teacher this year barely a few months after meeting her after a gap of over four decades, I got a renewed sense of urgency to meet my other teachers that I have not seen after leaving their classes.

That chance came today. I was done with work in Bangalore. Needed to head out to check on parents in Kolkata next. I took a slight detour and flew to Hyderabad. Tomorrow very early morning I will head out to Kolkata.

Of course, the only reason to stop by at Hyderabad was to get a chance to see my second grade teacher. And I am so glad that I did it. I could not think of saying Thank You in any more meaningful way than to spend some time with her (we called her Mrs. Shastry) for all the guidance she gave me during my formative years.

We sat down and talked about our old school days. Some of our old school teachers and some of my classmates. Her memory was super sharp. Nishi Jain, if you are reading this, you will get a chuckle from the fact that Mrs. Shastry told me the story of how it was very difficult to reduce your cent per cent marks even by half a point. Apparently, your answer papers were perfect – down to the last comma, as she said. Mousumi, if you are reading this, she remembers you very well too.

We talked about the book she has written. We talked about a topic of interest for both of us – although she has mastery of the topic is far superior than mine – “how the mind works”. I learnt a lot about different kinds of meditation – specifically a lot about forgiveness mediation. I need to talk to her a few more times over the phone to learn some more on the topic.

It was such an exhilarating feeling sitting in the same room with my elementary school teacher after 43 years!!! 43 years!!! I have been alive for only 8 years more!!! That day when the report cards were given out in 1974, I bet you none of us thought that we are going to meet again. In a very different city. And I would be much older than what she was then!!!

There were more surprises in stock. Soon, I met her son, daughter in law and her granddaughter. (They had gone outside when I had arrived). Get this – her son and I actually went to the same school for a year (although he was senior to me). They live in Seattle!! And he works in Anchorage!! (On my work life side, we do a lot of work in Alaska!!). They too are visiting India now.

And her granddaughter – she is in Atlanta!!! (student in Emory). That is where we live!!!

And her grandson? Lives in New York!! Not too far from where Natasha is!!!

Crazy, small world or what?

Did I mention that I felt on top of the world saying Thank You to my teacher from four and a half decades back? That acknowledging I am who I am today because of people like her was incredibly rewarding? For both of us, in fact!!

11 August 2017

Do these things happen only to me?

The meeting over drinks with Dr. Jeyaram (see previous post) went on till 9PM. At that point, I had to say that I was too tired and would not be able to stay back for dinner. The jet lag and tiredness was starting to overcome me.

Our India office leader – Prashanth – was kind enough to drop me at the hotel. In fact, he came inside the hotel to make sure I did not have any trouble during checking in and all that. And something interesting happened while I was checking in. I was chatting up the young man who was checking me in and getting my room key ready and all that when I suddenly hear a “Rajib Roy? What are you doing here?”. I turned around – and who else but good old Arindam Banerjee was standing right behind me!!

Not missing a beat, I responded “I can ask you the same question”!!

Turns out Arindam – who lives in Dallas – was in town for work and was staying in the same hotel!! I asked the young gentleman at the counter to send my stuff to my room and introduced Prashanth and Arindam to each other. I had so many stories to tell Prashanth about Arindam – that eventually, we all moved to the dinner table for some food.

Arindam and I worked together for the first time in 1996 or 1997. There are lots of memories of late night coding from those days that I still cherish. Prashanth then told Arindam about the incident with Dr. Jeyaram.

So, I asked Arindam – “Do these things happen only to me?”

I thought he had the picture perfect answer – “Yes. Because you ask too many questions!”

Guilty as charged!