10 March 2025

I am blinded by my eyes wide open

I had opened the garage door and was immediately greeted by brisk rains falling outside. My first reaction was that of an adult: “Messy weather”, I muttered to myself. The immediate next one was that of a child: “Rains!”, I cried out in joy.

During our childhood days, rains were something we would look forward to. Of course, it was not cold like this in India. So, playing soccer in the rains, making paper boats and letting them float down in small rivulets post rainfall and then of course getting berated by parents for staying out in the rain “Thanda legey jaabey” – were all integral part of growing up.

Today, I took a few minutes to stand inside the garage and take in the rains. In those mindful moments, something interesting outside my neighbor’s house caught my attention. It has been there all these years. I just did not have the eyes to see it. Heida, our neighbor, is a world traveller and collects all sorts of stuff from all over the world – especially Asia.

I bet she got this from Asia somewhere too. Note how beautifully the rain water from the roof is jumping from one bowl to the next almost making it look like a long cascade!

Small moments of beauty… only if I cried to stop and open my eyes.

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19 January 2025

I think I have met my kryptonite

Remember how I always talk about me trying to stay honest with minimalism and decluttering? Of course, everything is on a relative scale. Recently, I have noticed a bit of hypocrisy in that espousal that I do.

I am taking out fountain pens from this discussion since I do not collect them with an excuse to use them. I collect them so that I can collect them. But other such things like running shoes matching with colored running shirts and all that – I have been able to bring them down dramatically. In fact, when it comes to clothes, I take my minimalism bit a little too over the edge, perhaps.

Except that when it comes to island shirts made of cotton, I absolutely turn into an epitome of hypocrisy. I cannot pass up on any design and I cannot pass up on any color. Remember last year when I was in Guatemala how I took a car from Antigua to Lake Atitlan and then took a boat to one of the seven villages where they make cotton shirts? Once I liked a design, I bought seven of them! My only constraining factor was that they did not have more than seven colors! The next bigger constraining factor was getting XL size (cotton shrink and I like loose fit; Guatemalan structures are short and stout relatively). It did not help that they asked for only about $15 per shirt (that too before applying volume discount!)

Or in Valladolid in Mexico – where we drove 200kms from Cancun to find the black and white cotton shorts? I think it was $20 there.

Well, In Fiji and Samoa, I fell for the same thing. In the Caribbean islands, they do not make much cotton shirts. But in the Polynesian islands, they do. Sharmila was patient enough to let me visit the cotton shirt shops every single day of our trip! If I had a chance, I would have picked about a dozen in-your-face bright colored “Bula” shirts from Fiji.

After 7 days, I finally settled for reasonably muted designs. But could not resist picking half a dozen of them. There the problem was that they had way too many designs I loved but not many in XL sizes. The Samoan and Fijian physical structures meant I could get even 5XL easily. But for a particular XL shirt, I had to wait for them to get it delivered from another part of the country! Good news is that the country can be traversed in about three hours by car.

Taking them out of the suitcase in Atlanta, I realize this is total madness.

I have met my kryptonite.

(P.S. I did give up 6 existing shirts to charity to make space for this. Now I might have to wait for summer to go to office 🙂 )

31 December 2024

I wish you enough!

Keeping up with my tradition of starting the year by “wishing you enough”. A message worth repeating every year. As a person who arguably spends more time in airports than home and as somebody who spends time in hospices with folks who regularly say their “forever goodbyes”, the story and the moral of the story rings very true to me.

Even if you have read it last year, it is a great read again. Also acknowledging Larry Mason who had originally wished me enough…

“I wish you enough!”
By Bob Perks
———————–
I never really thought that I’d spend as much time in airports as I do. I don’t know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I’m not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports.

I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes down to “hello” and “goodbye.”I must have mentioned this a few times while writing my stories for you.

I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye.

Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day.

On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to check in, the woman said, “How are you today?” I replied, “I am missing my wife already and I haven’t even said goodbye.”
She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, “How long will you…Oh, my God. You will only be gone three days!” We all laughed. My problem was I still had to say goodbye.

But I learn from goodbye moments, too.

Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, “I love you. I wish you enough.” She in turn said, “Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy.”

They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?”

“Yes, I have,” I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.

So I knew what this man was experiencing.

“Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?” I asked.
“I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral,” he said.

“When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, “I wish you enough.” May I ask what that means?”

He began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more.” When we said ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them,” he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Goodbye.”
He then began to sob and walked away.

My friends, for 2025, I wish you enough!

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10 December 2024

Can I keep the silent mode on?

My general physician calls me a “super compliant” patient. And it is true that I follow all medical instructions to a T.

There was a controversy around how long I was supposed to stay silent after my recent throat surgery. The discharge documents said “till post op checkup”. That would be two weeks. Doctor Law had suggested 5 days when we were going thru the pre-op checklist.

I stuck with the longer duration. And that surprised Doctor Law. After putting the probe thru my nose he turned the camera on and both of us could see that outgrowth was gone. He was very pleased with how the whole area has healed.

“So, you did not talk for 2 weeks?”, he asked.

I nodded.

“Well, you can see the effect of it. The area is healed better than we see with other patients. You are 80% there and with therapy you will be 100% there.”

“When you talk, follow Bryan’s (the speech therapist) instructions. Like no more than 10 minutes per hour for the next week. And I will see you in 3 months. I expect nobody will even realize you went thru a surgery.”

“So, now that you will be talking again, what are the first words that will come out?”

I thought for a while and asked with a very crackled voice “Can you prescribe two more weeks of silence?”

That had him laughing heartily.

“Really? You liked it?”

“Well, I started learning ASL. I am sure my friends found me less obnoxious. And I got a lot of hall passes to stay away from house chores. What is there not to like?”

“Naah… I think you should start talking.”

Got myself an appropriate T-shirt though, just to be safe!

1 December 2024

Whatever you do, do not listen to Miriam!

“Dude, you are a techie!” she said.

“Get one of those apps.” she said. The tone clearly pointed to the unwritten “Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah” sentiment.

I should’ve known better than to listen to her.

Let’s back up for a second. In one of the earlier posts, I had talked about … well, I can’t talk … I had written about the difficulty I was having in conveying my messages to folks at home. As a matter of detail, Nikita is no problem since we can talk in ASL letters. Natasha is not a problem either because she ignores me in general. And the three dogs are happy if I sit next to them without talking.

That leaves Sharmila.

When she initiates something, it will usually go like this:

”, she said.

I maintain a pregnant silence.

“Oh! sorry!! you can’t talk!”

And that would be that.

Now, when I have to initiate something, that is a totally different story. First of all, how do you get her attention? Clapping or snapping the fingers only gets the three dogs to make a beeline for me.

The pandemonium starts after that. Because it is essentially a reenactment of a terrible round of Charades gone wrong.

This is where Miriam hurled the abuse of “techie” at me and impatiently pointed to the apps out there. I did “takie” her advice and downloaded a couple of those apps where you write your message and turn the phone sideways and it shows up in big font for others to see. Strangely, I had this nagging feeling that I had left my limo at the airport.

In any case, this so-called solution of Miriam got me into even more trouble. What would have been a minute of frantic gesturing and hand waving now plays out thusly…

Imagine this. Early morning. She comes down and is doing something in the kitchen. I have come back after giving the three dogs a walk. I wonder if she might want some coffee.

First, I clap to get her attention. She looks up to me quizzically.

This is when I get stumped for the first time. Because I had clearly not thought this one thru. Where is my phone??

So, I ask her to stand there while I go locate my phone. A few minutes later, I come back victorious and frantically start typing out on the app.

Let me tell you something about these apps. They are simply horrendous at auto correct. How does “You want coffee?” become “COVFEFE”, only Heaven knows. It is not exactly helpful that I have to type out something about Jay Jay, Tuey and Bogga half the time for her. That would be Jayhawk, Tuesday and Bungle for you, thank you very much!

After about pressing as many backspaces as real letters, I have most of my message done. That is when triumphantly I turn the phone around and show it to her.

Want to guess what happens next?

She, who has been patiently waiting all this time looks at the message with a frown and then instructs me to stand at my own place for some time.

What’s going on? Is she getting back at me for making her wait so long? I ask myself.

I finally catch up to it.

The next five minutes is spent in she simply looking up the whole house for her reading glasses!!

And I wait there wondering whether I should change that “Do you want coffee?” to “Do you want lunch?” 🙂

Miriam’s “techie” solution was decidedly felled by a “non-techie” problem!