21 April 2018

That is when you know he is trying to fight back to his normal self…

After the run and the shower, my brother and I sat down in our balcony enjoying the strong winds on the fifth floor waiting for breakfast. My dad, who had observed us (from his bed) settling down in the balcony immediately declared… “Amio aasbo”. (I will join too!!).

If you remember from my previous trip, he would shuffle with the walker and mom and the helper would hold him or carry a chair behind him in case he collapsed. In a remarkable example of how he is fighting back to achieve a better “new normal”, he declared “Ami nijei aasbo” (I will come by myself).

Slowly but surely, one tentative step at a time, he did make it to the balcony, turned around and dropped himself on the chair.

“Ebar ektu cha dao”. (He asked mom for some tea).

That is a sure sign of he getting as close to his past self as he can. You know the other sign? – he immediately started complaining about expenses that we are incurring on his behalf. The next post will be about that. There was a well laid trap he fell into in that!!

19 April 2018

You know what is better than a great gin and tonic?

For a person like me who has been researching about gin production and collecting gins from different countries and experimenting with cocktails with them, very few things can beat the prospect of finding a Gin-only-bar called “Tonic” in the hotel I was staying in!

Except, of course having a gin and tonic there with a classmate of mine that I have always admired (albeit from far) – Joydeep Sengupta! When I had called him up last time to wish him a happy birthday, I had also made a promise to see him if I ever were to land in Singapore. Unfortunately, when I told him that I would be in Singapore, I realized that he would be out of the country. Joy heads up Asia for the largest and most revered Firm in management consulting in the whole world. That is a game played at a very different league. I completely understood that travel had to be crazy at that level.

What I did not expect is a message from him on my last day in Singapore that he will be coming back to Hanoi in time enough to meet me for an hour before I headed out for the airport. I am so glad that he took the effort.

I saw Joy for the first time after 1991. There were so many things we caught up on. One hour was far too less for that. One of the topics we talked a lot about is the complexity of building “trusting” organizations. We were comparing notes of how very successful organizations like McKinsey runs with virtually very little financial goal setting and my experience at a Ritz where I learnt that every employee is given a thousand dollars to spend on guests in case they see a situation unfold that might lead to customer dissatisfaction… and we realized that “trust” is something that is very difficult to democratize and certainly very difficult to build culture around in an organization unless it is done from the very top and from the very beginning.

I had great interest in his second child who has special needs and I spent a lot of time understanding how, as parents, Joy and his wife had to learn a lot of new things in life. One of the most memorable moments was when he said – and I paraphrase him – “your expectations are lesser and therefore you enjoy the smaller things more”!! We talked endlessly about what we – the able-bodied ones – have done for the ones who need special help and how much is still left to do.

I promised to see his second son next time I was anywhere nearby.

I kept the promise I made to him on his birthday. I hope I can keep this one too!

16 April 2018

Hiten Varia!!!

Finally managed to beard the lion in his own den!! Flew from Kolkata to Singapore to spend a day with my erstwhile boss – Hiten Varia! Of all the managers I have had – and I certainly have been blessed with some of the best ones that I learnt a lot from (and still do), Hiten was the one I grew closest to personally. When we were both in Dallas, our kids and the wives – Shernaz and Sharmila became friends too. In fact, Hiten and I have taken our families for vacations together in some great parts of the world together.

And that is the upside when you are building a small startup. You spend so much time together, you go thru such tough times together that the lines of professional and personal relationships tend to blur. It takes a village to raise a startup and the successful startups build some great families.

The thing that made our relationship back in the ‘90s so special was that while we were very tied on core values – especially treating customers and employees, we would often be very very different in our approaches to business. There are some hilarious stories from the past with him on these things.

Sitting in the pub at the Singapore American Club, we went thru some of those moments and what we have learnt thru them. It was 1996. We were under tremendous pressure to deliver to our biggest customer. We just could not keep up with the speed of customers’ requirements and the speed of delivering solid quality, well architected code. Hiten sat me down and explained his belief on how we needed to rejig the org structure and create a new one to solve for some of this impedance mismatch. I fought tooth and nail for two weeks against that idea.

As a reward, I was asked to run the new org!

Till this date, reflecting back, almost everyone agrees that was a brilliant move. Yeah! I came around to seeing that too eventually. So much so, we used a variation of that structure in two of my next jobs!!

As I explained to Hiten last afternoon, thru those intense debates that we used to have at India Palace every late night after work, a few things have emerged in my mind that I have noted down as what I have learnt from him.

(*) The relentless focus on the customer – I truly have never seen anybody who has the customer so ingrained in his DNA. When you realize that you are a successful start up and that you are winning in the field, you can be amazed at how full of oneself one can get with one’s own ideas. While sales and development would start believing that we were better than customers and it was our job to lead the customer from darkness, this guy used to be one of the rare ones walking the corridors clarifying to us who is the cart and who is the horse. This is one learning that has deeply influenced me as a professional in future years.

(*) The ability to hold two opposing thoughts – I do not believe I am that good at it still. Faced with two opposing views, two opposing thoughts – the engineer in me will immediately try to apply logic (or perhaps rationalize) to decide what is “right”? But those days, I used to marvel – may be even get frustrated – that he would hear opposing points of views from me and my teammates or peers and after analyzing them deeply, would just leave it at that. He felt no pressure to align himself with any one view. It was like he would go “Those are pretty persuasive arguments. Each case makes a lot of sense. Good. What is the next topic?”. And I would be like “What? Can we decide first who is right? Actually, can we decide that I am right?” 🙂 You can guess what an idiot I was.

(*) Empathy – This is the single most trait of Hiten that everybody who knows him will say is his hallmark. And the one thing I will admit that I will never ever be able to copy. I have given up and concluded that I just am never going to be empathetic at this level. There are some very funny stories here too. He and I were in a meeting with a customer – ready to face the music – we were terribly behind in delivering. The customer – and this was a lady running procurement with a budget of multiple billion dollars in one of the largest multinationals in US – did not exactly beat around the bush. Hiten, then started talking. The more he talked, the more I was like “What are you doing? We need to give some logical arguments and build a case on our side”. Once he was done, I was pretty sure the customer was going to take us to the cleaners. I had not made head or tail out of what he said. And yet, the lady, looked at him and said “That is all I needed to hear from you Mr. Varia today. Please see to it that your team does its best to support my team”. And then she left after exchanging a few more pleasantries.

I was left stunned in the room, trying to make logical sense of what had just happened. Today, I realize that I was trying to use the wrong tool – logic from my cortical part of the brain – to understand empathy which comes from the limbic part of the brain.

I do remember on the flight back, sitting next to him, I tried multiple times asking “How do you do that?” and had stopped. I was starting to understand that these folks operate at a very different level.

Once in a while though, I can get them to my level – especially if I can grab them over a couple of martinis at a bar in Singapore!!

14 April 2018

He got tired soon …

“Ei rokom aasis baba. Katha boltey perey boro bhaalo laage. Aami phone-e shunte ekdom pai na. E rokom ele duto katha bola jay”

Two hours of laughter later, he suggested that I should keep coming back so he can talk face to face. He admitted he can’t hear much over the phone – so he would like to chat like this.

Saying so, he laid down and went off to sleep faster than I could say “No problems” !!!

14 April 2018

This is what those 10,000 mile treks are all about!!

Priceless moment.

He got up in his bed moment he saw me and my brother. He had even used the walker from his room this morning to walk to the bed next to our main door so that he could see us whenever we set foot in the house.

This is the first time I am seeing him get up and sit in the bed by himself in eight months now.

It was a matter of couple of minutes before we were sharing a joke. Other than sharing the same hair style, of course!!

7 April 2018

I am surrounded by some angels!!

I met Christina for the first time with the CEO of her company in a meeting room in Atlanta way back when her company and my business unit was building a joint solution for the market. We became friends from there on. Eventually I left the company but I had kept up with her – especially in that one trusted way of mine – calling on birthdays!

Couple of weeks back, I finally got a chance to meet her again at a bar in New York. I am glad I did. I learnt so much about her, her husband and her family.

“So, if I recollect correctly, you quit your job, right?”, I asked
“Yes. For some time.” she said
“Where did you join?”
“Well, I work in the same company. As a consultant now.”
“You were not interested in working anywhere else?”
“No, I needed the flexibility of working hours”
“Got it. You said you had taken some time off from work, right?”
“Indeed”
“How did you use your time off?” (I was so ready to talk to her about how excited I am with motorcycles, mixology, hospice etc… but I wanted to hear her story first).
“I took the time off to raise my family”
“Oh! Congratulations! How many kids?”
“Three”
Frankly, I was like – “Wow! that was quick”. But what I asked was “How old are they?”
“My eldest son is sixteen years…” she went on.

But I had stopped listening to her. My cortical part of the brain had completely taken over. 16? But I had met her around 2010. How could she have taken time off after I left the company – which was itself 3 years after I met had her for the first time and have kids 16 year old. My mind was swirling in all sort of confusion.

As she kept talking, I could hear a few words through that cloud of confusion that started stabbing me back into consciousness….

“Wait! Wait! Roll that back for me. Did you say you adopted from Ethiopia?”

Second time around, I got the story straight. She and her husband had determined not to have their own kid – and instead change the lives of a few. They adopted a son from Ethiopia. Then found out that the child had a sibling (also given up at an orphanage). They adopted him too. Not content with the good that they had already done, they went back and adopted yet another – this time a girl from Ethiopia.

Again, life stories like this overwhelm me. This level of magnanimity and grace boggles my mind. I have mentioned this before about my time spent with an organization in Dallas where we rescued battered women and kids from physically abusive houses. I saw up close and personal how there are more kids than caring parents in this world.

People who can subtract one from that problem are just incredible human beings. I have no words for people who go back and do that multiple times.

I remembered my other friends from Wisconsin – Bob and Audrey (http://www.rajibroy.com/?p=7681) – who have adopted multiple times from Ethiopia and China and told their story to Christina.

This week, I ran into Girish in Cancun (http://www.rajibroy.com/?p=16292) – and found out that he and his wife have adopted two kids from Guatemala.

Amidst all this, the one thing I feel great about myself is that somehow I have been lucky in life enough to call people like these as my friends. For, these guys play the game of life at a very different level than I am able to comprehend.

It was magical to see you again, Christina! And may your tribe increase!

5 April 2018

Nikispeak: Making coffee this morning

This morning, I was trying to catch up on quite a few things after coming back from vacation. There were a lot of calls to be made. While taking such a call from the breakfast table, I noticed that Nikita had started making a cup of coffee for me.

I put the phone on mute and said. “Thank you Nikita. That is very nice….” That is how far I could go.
She promptly cut me off with the rejoinder “Yeah! Yeah! I know. Now remember this when I ask you for money” !!

And they say she is just like me 🙂 🙂