13 May 2016

Drill, baby, drill… or whatever it is that Sarah Palin said :-)

The good news is I managed to drop 8 pounds in 2 weeks (mostly by regulating diet and drinks and increasing running distances). The bad news is that I am one TSA agent asking me to raise my hands up from having a really embarrassing moment 🙂

I was explaining my problem of loose pants to Sharmila. Her solution – she being a woman – was for me to buy couple of new sets of trousers. My solution – me being an engineer – was to get my drill bit and make another hole in the belt.

While I was trying to do the whole drilling thing, she came out and demanded to know what was I doing. “Solving problems. Not buying solutions”, I said.

I think no dinner for me tonight. I better go back and drill another hole in my belt 🙂

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13 May 2016

Every dog will have its day…

This is what happens if you stand me up at a bar
AND I am visiting you tomorrow
AND I know your mom is visiting from India
AND she is very suspicious that you might be given to drinking…

The concerned person… Be afraid…be very afraid….

MUHAHAHAHA….

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28 April 2016

It gets funnier every year…

Over dinner this evening:

Me: “I do not have any scheduled meetings in the morning. If you are free, we can go out for lunch.”
Sharmila: “No. The pest control guy will come at 10 am.”
Me: “Okay”

And the dinner proceeded.

After about half an hour (when Nikita declared she did not need any more help from me for her homework)…

Me: “Okay, then I am going to go upstairs and retire.”
She: “Are you going to sleep now?”
Me: “No. It is 9PM. I will probably catch up on some reading”
She: “Or you can help me clean up the kitchen”.
[She said this pointing to the one ketchup bottle that was still left after I had cleaned out all the dishes. I will leave the topic of irony here since more is to come]
Me: “I already did it” [as I put the solitary bottle left back in its place]

…and to add some twist to that I continued…
Me: “Now I am going to go upstairs and reflect on twenty three years of our marriage. By the way do you know how many years we have been married?”

Now, if you follow my blogposts regularly, you probably know by now that she absolutely cannot remember our birthdays, our anniversaries and all those good stuff. She will remember your face and name if she met you twenty years back, but she can’t figure out how many years we have been married! I got my twentieth anniversary gift on our nineteenth anniversary!

She knew I was just picking on her. So, she retorted – “I don’t know and I don’t want to know..”. I know she said that but in her mind, she was trying to start the subtraction process. You know how I knew that?

Because, about eight seconds later, she turned around and screamed “IT IS OUR ANNIVERSARY TOMORROW”!

And I stood there scratching my head wanting to ask her – “So, what was your first hint?” 🙂

The best part of twenty three years of marriage? Exactly this kind of moments of comic relief!!

26 April 2016

Habemus Collegium!!

We have a decision on the college!! After a careful selection process befitting how the pope is chosen, we seem to have come up with an answer.

I can’t wait to talk to my dad tomorrow morning about it. I have a vague idea how the conversation will go…

He: “So, she is going to the college near home”?
Me: “No”
He: “But did you not say that would be totally free?”
Me: “Yes. But she is not going there”

He: “Oh! Okay. Is she going to the one that is giving maximum scholarship?”
Me: “No”
He: “No? The one with the next highest scholarship?”
Me: “Not that one either”

He: “Hmmmm. So how much is this college giving where she is going?”
Me: “Actually this is the college that is giving no scholarship?”

A few moments of silence…

He: “What was the highest scholarship she was getting?”
Me: “I think the highest was $25K per year”

More silence as he struggles to multiply 25000 by 67 (exchange rate of dollar to rupee)

And then…

… that is when he is going to kill me 🙂

23 April 2016

“I don’t get no respect”

Somehow she thinks I cannot boil a couple of eggs without very detailed instructions. Okay, I will give it to you that once I did try to boil eggs without putting water first. But still…

“Pls. switch it on”??? What was she thinking? I was going to just stare at the eggs and hope they merrily boil away?

Man, “I don’t get no respect” around this house 🙂

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2 April 2016

The futility of it all…

The good news is that she acknowledges that she is forgetful … and therefore writes down lists.
The bad news is that she is too forgetful to even remember to take the list with her.
When I called her up, she reassured me that she remembered the four items. So far so good. The tactical mistake on her part was to try and prove it by trying to rattle off the items from memory…
Like I was saying …. 🙂

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27 March 2016

In case you had any doubts that we are getting overtaxed!!

This morning, I woke up early to start doing the taxes. Duly downloaded Turbo Tax which I have been using for over 15 years to prepare my taxes. It is undoubtedly one of the most user friendly software I have ever seen. In any case, Turbo Tax imported all the necessary information from last year’s file so that I do not have to re-enter all the mundane details like name, social, dependents etc.

And then, it came up with this screen! I owe $9 of taxes!!

You can imagine how flummoxed I was – “Wait a minute – I have not entered anything about 2015 yet!!! And you yourself prepared last year’s taxes. How can I start with a tax liability already?”

As you can imagine, things only got worse from there!! 🙂

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