11 November
2015
9 November
2015
Restroom sign in my hotel in Greece…
9 November
2015
It is like my worst fears have come true!!
8 November
2015
Marathon race – seen thru the eyes of my Indian parents
I had just finished my race, collected the aluminum foil, banana and the all important medal. After a few customary pictures from the authorities, I started walking towards a corner of the stadium to settle down. “Walking” is overstating it. The feet were hurting so much that I was more or less waddling like a penguin.
Found a sunny corner, wrapped the foil around me to keep myself warm and sat down slowly eating the banana and sipping water. Called up Sharmila, my mother and then my brother to let them know that I had finished my run. Sharmila and my brother, who are both runners, had the expected congratulatory and somewhat relieved responses. My mom, on the other hand, was a different story. Lest there be any doubt, let me clarify here and now that neither my mom nor my dad runs. And they are not particularly excited that a lot of family members run.
My mom’s first question was “how long did it take?”. Instead of complicating the answer with run time and gun time, I just told her over 5 hours. “Certificate dilo”? Pat came her followup question asking if I got a certificate. Now, you have to understand the Indian parent context here. Unless you got a certificate for doing something , in their mind, it is as good as not doing it. “Ki abar debey?”. I tried to make light of the situation by saying that “nothing much”.
“Tobu, ki dilo?”. She insisted on knowing what did I get at the end of the day. For a moment, I thought of explaining the advantages of aluminum foil and banana but I was too tired – so I just said “They gave a medal”. Silly me. I completely forgot that I was dealing with Indian parents. Medals trump certificates. Medal means you have come first, second or third. Before I could make any amends, she was talking loudly to my dad that I got a medal. I did not even get a chance to mention to her that the guys who came first, second and third could have run back to where we started from and they would have still finished earlier than me.
Consequently, I was accosted by my dad’s voice on the other side – “Bacchu, medal peyechho? Baah Baah. Ki rank holo?” He, of course, was profusely congratulating and then wanted to know what my rank was. I explained there is no rank-shank for me. I got a medal for finishing the race. “Maaney?”. He was was totally flummoxed. I told him that whoever successfully finished the race would get a medal.
He thought for a while and then said “Eta abaar ki?”. He basically trashed the whole idea. I asked him why he thought that way, rather peeved at this point. His classic answer – “Je porikkhatey bosley prize pa-o-a jaabey, se porikkhar kono mullyo hoy naaki?”. Apparently, if you get a prize for just sitting in a test, then that test has no value.
I told him I needed to talk to my brother 🙂
6 November
2015
After a long long time… In London airport
4 November
2015
So, it is going to be one of those days, huh?
Dropped the daughter at school, grabbed a coffee, opened up Skype for a call and while trying to put the earplugs on, forcefully put the pointed end of the wire that is supposed to go into the laptop into my left ear instead.
Ouch!!!
I am deathly afraid of asking the person on the call if she is hearing a constant ringing noise too 🙂
22 October
2015
Donald an 9/11
22 October
2015
Awesome joke from a colleague
After driving for a couple of hours from Portland to Corvallis, joined the local team leaders of our company for a quick drink. A very lively group that is awesome fun to be around – and the ring leader Kris Fausti is one of the funniest person you will ever get to know. The discussion at the table somehow veered towards who starts the fights at home – your spouse/significant other or you? Ok, dont ask me how we got there, but we got there.
Some admitted that they are the ones who start the tiffs, some took advantage of the lack of spouse/significant other’s absence and squarely blamed them. One even said 50-50.
But Kris had the most memorable response – “Wait. Being right does not count as starting a fight”!
I had to be picked up from the floor of the bar, I was laughing so hard!!
Game, set and match, Fausti!!
19 October
2015
Durga Puja Primer
Today is “Mahasasthhi” – the kickoff of the biggest festival for Bengalis – Durga Puja. For my American friends who might land up in such a Puja with some Bengali friend of theirs – I have compiled a ready reckoner to understand the various aspects of our Durga Puja.
“SAREE”: Nine yard of colorful cloth commonly used by Bengali women to wrap their husbands/boy-friends around their fingers. One of the rare objects known to exhibit three different properties at the same time – (*) Pauli’s Exclusion Principle – No Bengali woman shall ever be seen wearing the same saree twice, provided the audience remains constant (*) Lavoisier’s Law of Conservation of Mass – Pauli’s principle notwithstanding, no saree, even if it has no chance of ever being used again shall be evicted from its rightful place in the closet and (*) Associative Property of Value – Ceteris Paribus, a saree carries no value unless accompanied by innumerable accoutrements.
“6 PM” : See “9 PM”
“PANDAL”: also known as “Mandap”. Refers to the geospatial location – invariably a high school – where all the Bengalis congregate. The exact choice of high school is delicate in so far as it has to be at least twenty miles away from the nearest Bengali inhabitant. Such a location must have an auditorium for the really important part of Puja to start at “6 PM”.
“PARKING LOT”. This is a regional definition – valid only for the Puja I go to. This refers to any place that can fit a car that is outside the four walls of “Pandal”. We might drive for fifty miles to go to our “Pandal” but there is no way in God’s errr…. DurgaMa’s green earth that we will walk a few steps. Especially if we are in our “Sarees”. So if you see a lot of cars standing next to each other with nary a space to open the door and blocking all access to emergency vehicles, then you know you have reached our “Parking Lot”
“9 PM” : This is when all programs scheduled to start at 6 PM, 7 PM or 8PM start. There is a reason, “eeesh” is part of the Bengali dialect. For example, we start at “9-eeesh”!
“STAGE” : Where all Bengalis will get up to demonstrate their talents. (which admittedly they have a lot of). Also refer to “Auditorium Seats”.
“PHONE”: Curious looking device in every Bengali’s hand. Also considered an accoutrement for “Saree”. Originally used to make phone calls, was later used to take pictures of Ma Durga. With the advent of the front camera, it is used solely to take selfies. With the “Sarees”, of course.
“SELFIE QUEEN”: That lady going around like the Statue of Liberty all the time. Works best with “Phone”!
“BARS”: This is used to mention the strength of the cellular connectivity. Its original purpose to make reliable calls has been abrogated to today’s single minded determination to upload the selfies to Facebook.
“AUDITORIUM SEATS”: Chair like structures in the gallery used to prop up video cameras on tripods. The purported audience, meanwhile, are all onstage!
“AASCHHEY BOCHHOR AABAR HOBEY”: When the next edition of this primer will be published.
“BOLO BOLO DURGA MAI KI… JAI”: Salutation to end any primer when you have nothing more to add.
19 October
2015
You have mail! Oh! Wait! I have it too!!
Apparently the CIA and Homeland Security email servers have been hacked (http://www.cnn.com/2015/10/19/politics/cia-fbi-alleged-hacking-report/index.html)
As a preventive measure, authorities have switched all CIA and Homeland Security mails to Hillary’s personal email server. A spokesman explained “After dedicating so many resources for so long a time, we have not yet quite figured out what was going on. Frankly, we are not even sure what we are looking for. Therefore, we figured this would be an effective method to confuse all hackers.”