12 July 2017

I wish I could spend some more time with this guy…

Magesh and I have crossed paths multiple times in life – we were in the same engineering college, we have worked in the same company once and we have now lived in the same city twice. In fact, I see him often now since we work out of the same executive office facilities.

Once in a while, we get a chance to grab a drink in the evening. And those meetings are invariably invigorating for the few grey cells that I have left. I remember, a year back having a beer with him and arguing about how to prove which is bigger – e to the power pi or pi to the power e.

Today’s long friendly banter was around whether time is a fundamental concept (he supported this) or an imaginary concept (supported by me). Debating with Magesh is always about learning how smart people like he thinks… I got some great lessons today…

9 July 2017

Touching thank you gesture to all my readers

About a week back, you might have read in my blog or in Facebook my feature on Jessica (“A profile in courage”) and her own writeup (as my first guest writer) on her travails and how she has fought back every inch of life.

Many of you showed your support for her quietly, some by putting comments in my blog, some by voting that you “Like” her fight back story and some more put in encouraging words for her in Facebook.

She has taken great inspiration from your thoughts and words of support. I got this card from her recognizing how much your words have meant to her still ongoing healing process.

I know I post too much. Guilty! Too many of the running pictures, not so funny jokes and what not…. But the realization that my readers and I together, made a difference to somebody wonderful like Jessica, makes it all worthwhile for me.

Allow me to name all the ones who put in encouraging words on my blog and Facebook…

Shout out to all of you that made Jessica’s day and many more of you who did it quietly…

Sri Ganesh (my senior from my first job), Mrs. Bhowmic (my geography teacher in middle school), Sharmila (the one who reminds me how much I post 🙂 ), Amitesh (my alter ego in Atlanta), Ranajoy (my junior from middle and high school), Anushree (my classmate from elementary school), Subho Nath (my runner friend in Atlanta), Sumana Rao (my colleague from i2 days turned personal friend), Geeta Bhandari (my colleague in Mumbai from my first job), Vicky (one of my first colleagues who had the tough job of keeping me honest as my exec admin in i2), Moniruddin (my actual first friend of life), Brandee (my colleague from previous job in Atlanta – who also say right outside where I sat and was the brunt of a lot of my terrible jokes), Nita-di (our friend from Knoxville and my elder daughter’s heroine), Vineet Seth (my colleague from i2), Raja-Gautam (my friend from Atlanta), Debbie (Jessica’s friend), Tracy Fitzpatrick (my colleague from early start up days – another victim of my terrible jokes), Monolina (better half of my classmate from eighth grade), Swami (my peer, friend, philosopher and guide from yesteryears), Sibapriya (classmate from my middle school – and the first one to throw in his words of support for Jessica), MRs. Gurung (my home room teacher of eighth grade), Baisakhi Chakraborty (my friend from school days and a survivor by her own right – from an accidental incident and somebody who I consider lucky to be still on her friend’s list), Dipita (my wife’s classmate), Karen (my colleague from i2 days), Jayanta Biswas (another classmate from middle school), Jyotiswar (yeat another classmate from middle school), Shernaz (my colleague from first job in India), Amy Swotinsky (my colleague from my job in Boston), Sonali (spouse of my frind from middle school), Michele (colleague from my first job in Atlanta) and Lisa (colleague from my job in Boston).

I am really really proud that people like you who made a difference to Jessica count me as your friend!!

2 July 2017

Who would have guessed?

There was no way any of us would have ever guessed on the day after our tenth standard when the three of us went three different ways that we would actually come together under the same roof thirty four years later. With our spouses with us! In a country on the other side of the world!! In a winery up in the mountains!!

We were barely sixteen years then. The gap in between has been more than twice the number of years we had lived till then!!! As you can see from the middle picture, there was a lot of catching up to do!!!

That was a great afternoon with Manny (Manbir), Virginia, Subrata, Sharmistha, Sharmila. We also got to meet Manny’s daughter Simran and his niece Harneet!!

2 July 2017

Friday session postponed for a day…

The last time I played the Tabla with Subrata was in 1980 in school. He had played a Runa Laila number on his guitar and I had played the tabla. They was eighth grade.

In between, he has picked up a lot more instruments including the piano and the drums. Also he got married to Sharmistha with the incredible voice and talent for singing. My tabla has not improved much from those days…

That said, it was a great evening.

Actually, it was beyond great!!!

1 July 2017

My first guest writer: A profile in courage

By now, you probably have read my previous post. I met Jessica yesterday again, after a week, since I am in her city to pick Nikita from her college camp.

I had asked her if she would like to be my first guest writer on my blog. She had agreed to. Over dinner, I picked up her write up.

Here is her writing. (with very minor edits from me)…

She wrote:


When I was growing up I dreamed of being a princess, having a family, becoming a CEO, scuba diving, traveling, and overall living a fairytale life. I never put “victim” in that category. A victim was someone who put himself or herself in a bad situation and who I watched on “Law and Order”.

And then one night I added “victim” to my list. The assault was not the worst part (and I was somewhere I should have been safe.) The worst part was the tears, people asking if I was telling the truth, and not knowing who to trust or what to do. It was the panic attacks and absolute fear to be in public (I was too afraid to even go into a Starbucks to order a coffee alone). That feeling did not go away after 48 hours. That feeling did not go away after 1 year … or 3 years.

It took a solid 5+ years of an incredible support system (including friends, family, therapy) before I held my head up again and looked forward to another day. I am beyond lucky it only took me 5 years to regain some of the strength back but to be honest there are still days 7 years later I would rather stay in bed all day and pretend the world did not continue to spin. In those years I have lost touch with friends and relationships were ended because I could not open myself up to trust or love.

But I have removed “victim” and I am now a “survivor”. I am someone who lost herself and honestly there were days (still are) I get infuriated with what happened and I ask why? But I now know that the why is so I can be me today. I am blessed to have the support system I do who have held me up physically and emotionally. The path I am on was to lead me to today and what I can give back to my community and others.

I am getting there now.

I am a survivor.

Yours,
Jessica

1 July 2017

It did finally add up. I just wish there was a different way to do that addition.

“Rajib, I have decided to leave the company”, confided the young lady – Jessica – who worked in our group. I was not very close to her, but was aware of she being a rising star in our group from the Talent Development meetings I used to have with my team leaders.

It was obviously a little disappointing to hear that message from her. I took her out to the nearest Starbucks to see if I could argue her out of it. But first, of course, I tried to understand why she had decided to quit. Clearly, I was not doing something right if one of our rising stars was not aware how much we valued her.

I remember most of the discussions from that day. And I actually never tried to dissuade her from her decision. But that is mostly because I was totally confused about her primary reason to leave the company and in fact move to a different city. I remember she was trying to explain to me logically her thought process. But I eventually gave up. I let her know that she could come back any day she wanted to. But it was not adding up in my mind.

That was in 2010.

“I remember you telling me that it was not adding up in your mind”, said the same Jessica when I met her for dinner last Saturday when I had gone to visit Nikita in her college campus. I had arrived the previous night in Charlotte and got together with her for a quick drink and dinner.

You know how sometimes a few seconds can completely change your perceptions and opinions? Well, then get ready for this…

Jessica volunteered the real reason why she left Atlanta. I have her permission to say this to all my readers but she had become one more of those helpless victims of sexual assault by a stranger. I must have stared at her for a full minute in disbelief. Too many things were going thru my mind. In fact, I am such a softie, I cannot even get myself to use some of the words she used to explain what was done to her.

I was completely numbed not knowing what had hit me. I had flashbacks of my wife and my daughter who was in Dallas that day and the other daughter who I was going to see the next day. I had flashbacks of my last meeting with Jessica in front of the Starbucks.

Frankly, I had no idea what to say. What are your first words to somebody who just tells you that they had gone thru the worst nightmare of a woman?

Thru the evening though, I got some of my strength back as she kept talking about how she has fought back. Emotionally, physically and mentally. One day at a time. One step at a time. I intently listened to her – about every step she had taken to get past her initial phase of just being sorry for herself and then picking up her broken pieces.

She has today turned it to a very positive energy by throwing herself to philanthropic causes. She has resolutely worked on converting the worst crisis of her life as a stepping stone to being the best person in the world. On the professional side, after some initial adjustment process after moving, she has gone from pillar to post in one success after another. In fact, she wanted my opinion on two great opportunities in front of her and what to do about them.

Driving back to my hotel, I felt so humbled by a young professional – twenty years my younger – in how she has succeeded in her career life. But I felt really really inspired by how she has fought (and frankly, still fighting) the odds to make a success of herself.

Gave me hope and strength to be a better man myself.

[I am going to see her again next week when I go to pick up Nikita. I will request her to write about her experience as the first guest blogger on my blogsite. Watch out for that in this space…]