11 February 2022

Reliving the Covid days

As hard as the pandemic was, there were a few things I remember fondly. First is the fact that Natasha was home – so all four of us plus Jay Jay were together. The second is the bubble we had of three couples. Dipanjan, Parijat, Avijit, Shrabani and us. The third was of course the solitude and silence I enjoyed during the quarantine period when I myself had Covid.

The bubble of three couples would come out most every evening (late – to avoid too many people) to go for an adda and drinks. Thru trial and error, we had found our perfect spot – Truck and Tap in Alpharetta downtown. We always sat outside under the heaters they had. Somehow the inside would be crowded but nobody wanted to sit outside. Which suited us just fine. Jay Jay would come with us and lay down on his bed that we would drag with us.

I was the designated drink bearer. Armed with masks, I would fight thru the young crowd teeming inside and get our drinks. Lisa and Payton knew our drinks and I did not even have to bother to order!!

I miss those days.

Today, Sharmila and I went there and sat exactly at the same spot and had drinks. With the heater on. The other couples were not there. And regrettably, Jay Jay was missing too! We missed all of them.

5 February 2022

Guess who we ran into this evening?

Sharmila and I had settled down in Chiringa in downtown Alpharetta making a list of all the things that we needed to get done in the new house when along came good old Rupak and Jasmine!

You know life has changed a lot when you realize that our entire discussions in the evening were not about movies, sports or even social media – we talked the whole time about cholesterol, cardiac arrests and calcium levels.

God, we have become old!

30 January 2022

Rendezvous with a gentleman!

“You know I have dementia, right?”, asked John.
He had barely sat down in my car and put his seat belts on. And those were some of the first words he had for me.
I had no idea how to respond.

That morning, his wife Shelly and I had talked. She had mentioned about his increasing degeneration of cognitive abilities. We had agreed that I would come by and take him out for a coffee and snack.

I met him after many years. We were in Equifax together. That was two companies back for me. In between, I had showed up for his retirement party in Equifax. I remember we had gifted him with a bike. He is still crazy about bikes. That is when I had met Shelly for the first time.

Of course, I was not going to talk about his cognitive stuff with him. Having seen my dad and many of my hospice friends, most do not recognize that they are losing their cognitive capabilities.

You can imagine then why I was dumbfounded when he broached the topic right then and there – without any fear or favor. In hindsight, I had really nothing to be surprised by. John, as long as I have known him, has always been a straightforward person. He was and still is very open and honest.

Over coffee, I got to know a lot about his personal life and his past professional life. He was struggling here and there in his articulation but was clearly delighted that he could relive his past successes and happy moments thru the stories he kept telling me.

One of the highlights of his career was a small company that they had successfully sold to Experian (competitor of Equifax).

“So, you made a lot of money?”, I asked.
“I did alright”.

And then to prove that old mischievous John with a wicked sense of humor was still lurking around, he asked me:

“Do you know why I lost most of that money?”,
“Why?”, I asked, genuinely curious.
“Because I had married twice before I met Shelly!” he winked!

I almost snorted my tea out!!

I was good seeing you John! I look forward to many more coffee meetings!

29 January 2022

Long drive for a drink

Normally, Sharmila and I go out for a drink every single evening if I am in town. This time she was not in town.

No problems! I drove up a couple of hours to where she was to join her for a drink in the evening and then drove back by myself!

20 January 2022

Dear old friend from 20 years back!

Geoff Dougall!!

So many idle chats we had had back in the late 90s and early 00s. Theoretically solving in our heads all the problems that the company we worked in was facing. Sometimes, Ted Dimbero used to join us and mostly leave us in splits with his inimitable humor.

I remember the Dougall family visiting us in our house in Coppell, TX. I think Geoff had a couple of kids and we had only Natasha. Then Geoff left the company and Dallas and joined his dad in the CPA firm he owned in Portland, OR.

I had to meet this gentleman this time when I was in Portland for a few hours. And what a gentleman he still is. It was a delightful couple of hours catching up on his family, his kids and how he has grown his business. Then there were those exchanging of notes on beautiful vacation spots and the discussions around politics in US and the geopolitical situation in the world.

Like good old times, theoretically, we solved a lot of problems. Instead of our company’s this time it was for the whole world!! Coming to think of it, if I were to solve any of world’s problems, I sure want this gentleman on my side!!

28 December 2021

A funny incident from way back when…

You probably remember from last week that to celebrate my mom’s life, I went and visited every single house she had ever lived in. Three of them were in Durgapur.

You probably saw them as very big houses with colorful walls. Which is what they are now. When we lived there, they all looked the same. They were the living quarters given by the steel factory that my dad worked in. Eventually, they let the residents buy out their quarters and then add their own improvements.

Growing up, they all looked the same. And the walls would come in only one of two colors – yellow or red. Now, for us, who lived in Durgapur, finding a house was very easy. All we needed was the address. It being a planned town, the roads usually ran in the cardinal directions and intersected in roundabouts.

The very first house we lived in was 6/2 North Avenue. All you needed to figure out was where was North Avenue. Once you found that, it was very systematic. The streets came off the road like a fish bone. Odd streets sequentially from 1 on the left and even streets sequentially from 2 on the right. Once you were in the street, similarly, houses in the left would be odd numbered and on the right, even numbered. So, once you got to North Avenue, the third street on the right would be our street (6th) and the first house on the right would be our house (6/2). In case you had any doubt, there were helpful markers at the beginning of every street and every house.

By the way – and this is relevant for the story – where our road started from, about a hundred yards offset from that were the only two cemeteries in Durgapur. One for the Muslims and one for the Christians.

You would think that would make finding a house to be a breeze, right? Yes, if you were from Durgapur. No, if you were not. Our relatives who would visit us from the big city of Kolkata or the small village of Debipur were more used to instructions like “oi saamner do-tola bareer paas diye je gali taa jachche – oi galitey – laal baaritar porer baaarita”. (“That two story house you see? Take the lane next to it and you are looking for the house next to the red house in that lane”).

This would lead to some hilarious situations. Like the one in 1974 or so. My grandmother and my great aunt were visiting us to attend a wedding (my dad’s mentor’s – Sen jethu – daughter – Kasturidi – was getting married). Both of them wore white sarees like you see in the picture. My grandmother of course wore it due to prevailing social customs (she was a widow). Not sure why but I had never seen my great aunt in any other color but white.

One of those evenings, they had gone out for a walk together and managed to get themselves completely lost. It was getting dark and a sense of helplessness was drawing upon them. It did not help that every house looked exactly like the next one. They were truly lost.

My grandmother apparently asked a couple of passers by if they knew the house of “Damu”. Now Damu is my dad’s pet name at home. Nobody calls him by that name other than in the village. But in that intense moment of being lost, my grandmother completely lost sight of the fact that she had to give his real name.

According to my great aunt, my grandmother was on the verge of crying. Which my grandmother completely denied. My great aunt had a brain wave. The one anchoring point she knew was a the cemetery. From there she knew how to get to our house.

Both of them approached a bunch of young kids who were still playing in that last bit of dusk – “Babara, amaader ektu kabarkhanay pnouchhe debey?” They pleaded the kids to accompany them to the cemetery.

You have to imagine the situation. It was getting dark. One small street light thirty yards away was offering some respite from total darkness. And there are these two characters completely dressed in white asking to go to the cemetery…

It took only one kid to ask the question that was at everyone’s tip of the tongue “Bhoot naki re?” (“Are these ghosts?”). And before you could cry Uncle (or great aunt for that matter), each had high tailed like their life depended on breaking the then Olympic sprint records. I understand the kids waited till daybreak to come back and retrieve their danda-guli (play paraphernila) that had been unceremoniously dumped the previous evening.

Eventually, the two old ladies entered a nearby house and asked if they knew the house of a school teacher called Manju. They were escorted dutifully and reached home in a matter of minutes.

That evening, as they narrated the story to us, the peals of laughter that roared from our house could be heard from a long distance. Even from the cemetery, I am sure.

25 December 2021

Eulogy to my parents – from a student of my mom

This one is written by Antara – my mom’s student from elementary school …
Incidentally, Antara and her parents moved into the same house when my parents moved to aa different one in 2005.
Also, Antara now lives close to our house in Atlanta!

Written on: Dec 23, 2021
Antara Choudhury

শ্রদ্ধেয় মন্জুমিস ও জেঠুর স্মৃতিচারনায় কিছু কথা

মন্জুমিস কে প্রথমবার দেখি ক্লাস ওয়ানের প্রথমদিন। আমাদের ক্লাসে তিনটে সেকশন ছিল, A আর B বাংলা মিডিয়াম, আর C ছিল হিন্দি মিডিয়াম। তিনটে লাইনে দাঁড়িয়েছিলাম আমরা ৬০/৭০ জন ছাত্রছাত্রী। উচ্চতায় ছোট ছিলাম বলে একদম সামনেই ছিলাম আমি। একটা লাল পাড়, সাদা জমির বুটি দেওয়া তাঁতের শাড়ি, কাঁধে ব্যাগ আর হাতে ছড়ি। ছড়িটার কারনে প্রথমদিন একটু ভয়ই পেয়েছিলাম, কিন্তু আস্তে আস্তে পরিচয় বাড়লে সেই ভয়টা কেটে যায়। আমি ছিলাম B সেকশনে আর মন্জুমিস ছিলেন A সেকশনের ক্লাস টিচার। আমাদের অঙ্ক পড়াতেন উনি। হাতে সবসময় ছড়ি থাকলেও, টেবিলে আওয়াজ করে ক্লাসে চুপ করানো ছাড়া আর কোনো ব্যাবহার করতে দেখিনি। গভীর মমতায় আগলে রেখে পড়াতেন আমাদের। শুধু বিষয় নয়, কচি কাঁচাদের emotional growth এর ওপরেও সব সময় নজর রাখতেন। পাঁচ বছর ওনার কাছে পড়েছি, হাতে ধরে অঙ্ক শিখিয়েছেন, ভুল শুধরে দিয়েছেন, এমন কি খেলাধুলায় উৎসাহ দিয়েছেন।

১৯৯৬ তে আমি আর বাবা যখন ৯/৪ বাড়িটা দেখতে যাই, খুব খুশি হয়েছিলেন। আমি তখন ক্লাস টেনে পড়ি। ঘুরে দেখিয়েছিলেন বাগানের গোলাপ গাছ, ছোট্ট হলুদ চেরীগোল্ড ফুলের গাছ, উঠোনের নারকেল গাছ সব। আমিও খুব খুশি এত সুন্দর বাড়ি আমাদের হবে সেই আশায়। জেঠুর সাথে প্রথম আলাপ সেদিনই। জেঠু আমাকে দেখে বললেন, “ক্লাস টেন খুব গুরুত্বপূর্ণ সময়। এ বাড়ির পড়াশোনার একটা ঐতিহ্য আছে।” রাজীবদা তখন এলাকায় মোটামুটি বিখ্যাত.. জয়েন্ট, আই আই টি তে টপ rank, পিনানদা ও বোধহয় তখন এলাহাবাদ আরইসি থেকে পাশ করে গেছে। আমি একটু ভয়ই পেয়ে গেছিলাম জেঠুর প্রশ্নে “কী, ঠিক করে পড়াশোনা করবে তো? ঐতিহ্যটা তো বজায় রাখতে হবে, নাকি?” মন্জুমিস আমার কম্পমান অবস্থা আন্দাজ করে আঁচলের আড়ালে নিয়ে বলেছিলেন “করবে, করবে। অন্তরাও পড়াশোনায় ভালো, ও ভালোই করবে।”

তারপর মিসরা চলে গেলেন সেন্ট পলস রোডের বাংলোয়, আর আমরা এলাম ৯/৪ এ। অনেক গুলো বছর এভাবেই। কলকাতা থেকে বাড়ি এলে, বিজয়ায়, নববর্ষে মিসের সাথে দেখা করতে যেতাম সেন্ট পলস রোডের বাংলোয়। রসগোল্লা খাওয়াতেন প্রতিবার। “না খেলে চলবেনা, বড় হচ্ছিস না? ওটুকু খেতে হবে” বলতেন। জেঠু খোঁজ নিতেন পড়াশোনার, চাকরির। কলেজ শেষ করে কগনিজেন্ট জয়েন করার আগে দেখা করতে গিয়েছিলাম। খুব খুশি হয়েছিলেন। জেঠু ও বলেছিলেন, “বাহ্ ভালো চাকরি, খুব ভালো মাইনে দেয় ওরা।” চাকরি পাওয়ার পর ঘনঘন দুর্গাপুর যাওয়া কিছুটা কমে গেলেও, মাঝেমধ্যে যেতাম – বিশেষত বিজয়ায়। জেঠুর বাজার যেতে বেশ অসুবিধে হতো, আস্তে আস্তে হাঁটতেন। একদিন বললেন ছেলে মেয়ে চাইছে কল্যানি তে গিয়ে থাকতে, বাংলো টা বিক্রি করে কল্যানি তে ফ্ল্যাট কেনার কথা চলছে।

শেষবার দেখা হয়েছিল কল্যানি চলে যাওয়ার আগে। দুর্গাপুর ছেড়ে যেতে একটু বিষন্ন ছিলেন। বলেছিলেন ছেলে মেয়ে মিলে সব ব্যবস্থা করে দিয়েছে। সোমাদির বিল্ডিং এই ফ্ল্যাট।

মন্জু মিস আর জেঠুর স্নেহভরা প্রশ্রয়, আর অনুপ্রেরনা চিরদিন উৎসাহ যোগাবে। ওনাদের প্রনাম জানাই ও আত্মার শান্তি কামনা করি।

24 December 2021

An eulogy for my mom – from an ex-student

Keya was my mom’s student in elementary school and also lived in the same neighborhood as us. In fact, her two brothers and I played soccer and cricket together pretty much every evening from 1980 thru mid 1983.

Loved her sense of poetry…
By: Keya Mukherjee
Date: Dec 22, 2021

বড় চোখের দিদিমণি
কড়া হাতের শাসন,
বেঞ্চের ওপর দাঁড় করিয়ে
পড়ায় যখন তখন ।

স্কুল মানে যে বিভীষিকা
এমন সময় দেখা —-
গল্প বলা দিদিমণির
পড়া পড়া খেলা ।

ভয় নেই আর স্কুলে যেতে
নেই যে বিভীষিকা ।
মনের মতো দিদিমণি
এবার পেলো দেখা ।

আমাদের শান্ত হাসিমুখের প্রিয় রায় কাকিমার প্রতি জানাই অন্তরের শ্রদ্ধা, ভক্তি ও ভালোবাসা ।আমার প্রণাম জানিয়ে বলি কাকিমা তুমি যেখানেই থাকো শান্তিতে থেকো

21 December 2021

“What is a cappuccino?”

The siblings, their families and myself – we all settled down in one far corner of the JW Marriott lounge. Of course, this being a Bengali group, the first order of business had to be a cup of tea. Satyabrata – one of the most helpful folks around (I had made friends with him during my last trip here) – materialized from nowhere.

Ki neben, sir?” (What do you want?)

We then went thru a now familiar routine. My brother, sister, sister-in-law and brother-in-law all looked at each other waiting for somebody to make a decision, then discussed quite a few options and finally got to the exact same order that they ALWAYS order.

First my brother went “Masala Chai”.

My sister follow ed”Amaro” (me too)

Ditto for my sister-in-law.

My brother-in-law did not even bother opening his mouth. He just nodded his head to signal “Amaro“.

Why we go thru this rigmarole every single time, I do not know.

In any case, I said “Ekta cappuccino”.

With that, Satyabrata was on his way to the coffee/tea station at the bar.

My sister suddenly demanded to know “Cappuccino-t ki?” (What is a cappuccino?). I think that was preceded by a flash in her head “Dada jeta khachche ota miss hoye gelo na to?” (she was perhaps wondering if she was missing out on something).

Now I do not know about you, but I am not entirely equipped to explain the nuances of cappuccino. If I made short shrift of it “coffee and milk with foam”, I was afraid she would come up with “like in South India?” (if you have not seen this, you should watch some Youtube videos of how filter coffee is mixed with milk and sugar in two metal tumblers in places like Tamil Nadu – it is quite a sight).

“Satyabrata?”, I called my friend back.

“Yes, sir?”

“Take my sister to the bar and show her how a cappuccino is made.”

Say what you may, but intellectual curiosity runs deep in the Roy siblings. My sister followed him and observed every step as the three members of staff – all enthusiastically explained… “Cappuccino – ki ebong keno” 🙂

20 December 2021

What a great couple!

During this trip to India and the previous one, I have been generally avoiding meeting people like I normally do due to pandemic concerns. Exception of course being my immediate family and in a couple of rare cases a couple of very elderly folks since I am not sure if I will ever get a chance to see them again.

While in Durgapur, I received a request from a gentleman called Manojit to meet just for a few minutes. Not sure why, I agreed to do so. I had never met this gentleman before. We became Facebook friends sometime back when he had introduced himself as a batch mate of my brother. About three years back, I got a FB friend request from Parikshit who introduced himself as Manojit’s son.

Manojit showed up at the hotel with his wife Paramita. A 30 minutes meeting rolled into over an hour. The big reason was that we kept on finding newer and newer connections between us. Here are a few samples:

Manojit and my brother, as I mentioned, was taught by the same teacher. Manojit is also great friends with my brother-in-law’s best friend. Manojit and Paramita – who has lived in Muscat – are friends with Sharmila’s college classmate Tapas. In a weird connection, Tapas’s son interned in the company I work in in Chicago.

Manojit’s sister Swati, we realized, is an old classmate of my sister Tanusree. In fact, next day, when I told this story to her, she demanded that I immediately call back Manojit and get Swati’s number. Apparently, she and a few of her classmates had been trying to track Swati down for some time.

Paramita – wouldn’t you know – was in the same class as my sister-in-law during elementary school. I was impressed that my sister in law immediately recognized the face when I showed her the picture. Paramita Ray is also a friend of another Paromita (also a Roy) – Sharmila and my close friend in New York.

Paramita’s sister is a batch mate of mine. Different schools but with a lot of common close friends – like Mausumi – who I went to school with from first grade to fourth grade!

Proceeding further, my mother in law, as it turns out, was Paramita’s teacher in High School! As was my friend from Dallas – Pratyush’s mother!!

I can go on and on like this – but you get an idea how excited we all were as we found out yet another set of connections!

We agreed that our next meeting had to be in Doha when Sharmila and I fly to Kolkata next to completely unentangle all the connections we have!

Manojit and Paramita, it was great to see you! We should have met long time back!!! Also, Paramita, I found out from Chaitali that you are a great singer. We have to have a session some time soon!