16 April 2018

Hiten Varia!!!

Finally managed to beard the lion in his own den!! Flew from Kolkata to Singapore to spend a day with my erstwhile boss – Hiten Varia! Of all the managers I have had – and I certainly have been blessed with some of the best ones that I learnt a lot from (and still do), Hiten was the one I grew closest to personally. When we were both in Dallas, our kids and the wives – Shernaz and Sharmila became friends too. In fact, Hiten and I have taken our families for vacations together in some great parts of the world together.

And that is the upside when you are building a small startup. You spend so much time together, you go thru such tough times together that the lines of professional and personal relationships tend to blur. It takes a village to raise a startup and the successful startups build some great families.

The thing that made our relationship back in the ‘90s so special was that while we were very tied on core values – especially treating customers and employees, we would often be very very different in our approaches to business. There are some hilarious stories from the past with him on these things.

Sitting in the pub at the Singapore American Club, we went thru some of those moments and what we have learnt thru them. It was 1996. We were under tremendous pressure to deliver to our biggest customer. We just could not keep up with the speed of customers’ requirements and the speed of delivering solid quality, well architected code. Hiten sat me down and explained his belief on how we needed to rejig the org structure and create a new one to solve for some of this impedance mismatch. I fought tooth and nail for two weeks against that idea.

As a reward, I was asked to run the new org!

Till this date, reflecting back, almost everyone agrees that was a brilliant move. Yeah! I came around to seeing that too eventually. So much so, we used a variation of that structure in two of my next jobs!!

As I explained to Hiten last afternoon, thru those intense debates that we used to have at India Palace every late night after work, a few things have emerged in my mind that I have noted down as what I have learnt from him.

(*) The relentless focus on the customer – I truly have never seen anybody who has the customer so ingrained in his DNA. When you realize that you are a successful start up and that you are winning in the field, you can be amazed at how full of oneself one can get with one’s own ideas. While sales and development would start believing that we were better than customers and it was our job to lead the customer from darkness, this guy used to be one of the rare ones walking the corridors clarifying to us who is the cart and who is the horse. This is one learning that has deeply influenced me as a professional in future years.

(*) The ability to hold two opposing thoughts – I do not believe I am that good at it still. Faced with two opposing views, two opposing thoughts – the engineer in me will immediately try to apply logic (or perhaps rationalize) to decide what is “right”? But those days, I used to marvel – may be even get frustrated – that he would hear opposing points of views from me and my teammates or peers and after analyzing them deeply, would just leave it at that. He felt no pressure to align himself with any one view. It was like he would go “Those are pretty persuasive arguments. Each case makes a lot of sense. Good. What is the next topic?”. And I would be like “What? Can we decide first who is right? Actually, can we decide that I am right?” 🙂 You can guess what an idiot I was.

(*) Empathy – This is the single most trait of Hiten that everybody who knows him will say is his hallmark. And the one thing I will admit that I will never ever be able to copy. I have given up and concluded that I just am never going to be empathetic at this level. There are some very funny stories here too. He and I were in a meeting with a customer – ready to face the music – we were terribly behind in delivering. The customer – and this was a lady running procurement with a budget of multiple billion dollars in one of the largest multinationals in US – did not exactly beat around the bush. Hiten, then started talking. The more he talked, the more I was like “What are you doing? We need to give some logical arguments and build a case on our side”. Once he was done, I was pretty sure the customer was going to take us to the cleaners. I had not made head or tail out of what he said. And yet, the lady, looked at him and said “That is all I needed to hear from you Mr. Varia today. Please see to it that your team does its best to support my team”. And then she left after exchanging a few more pleasantries.

I was left stunned in the room, trying to make logical sense of what had just happened. Today, I realize that I was trying to use the wrong tool – logic from my cortical part of the brain – to understand empathy which comes from the limbic part of the brain.

I do remember on the flight back, sitting next to him, I tried multiple times asking “How do you do that?” and had stopped. I was starting to understand that these folks operate at a very different level.

Once in a while though, I can get them to my level – especially if I can grab them over a couple of martinis at a bar in Singapore!!

14 April 2018

He got tired soon …

“Ei rokom aasis baba. Katha boltey perey boro bhaalo laage. Aami phone-e shunte ekdom pai na. E rokom ele duto katha bola jay”

Two hours of laughter later, he suggested that I should keep coming back so he can talk face to face. He admitted he can’t hear much over the phone – so he would like to chat like this.

Saying so, he laid down and went off to sleep faster than I could say “No problems” !!!

14 April 2018

This is what those 10,000 mile treks are all about!!

Priceless moment.

He got up in his bed moment he saw me and my brother. He had even used the walker from his room this morning to walk to the bed next to our main door so that he could see us whenever we set foot in the house.

This is the first time I am seeing him get up and sit in the bed by himself in eight months now.

It was a matter of couple of minutes before we were sharing a joke. Other than sharing the same hair style, of course!!

7 April 2018

I am surrounded by some angels!!

I met Christina for the first time with the CEO of her company in a meeting room in Atlanta way back when her company and my business unit was building a joint solution for the market. We became friends from there on. Eventually I left the company but I had kept up with her – especially in that one trusted way of mine – calling on birthdays!

Couple of weeks back, I finally got a chance to meet her again at a bar in New York. I am glad I did. I learnt so much about her, her husband and her family.

“So, if I recollect correctly, you quit your job, right?”, I asked
“Yes. For some time.” she said
“Where did you join?”
“Well, I work in the same company. As a consultant now.”
“You were not interested in working anywhere else?”
“No, I needed the flexibility of working hours”
“Got it. You said you had taken some time off from work, right?”
“Indeed”
“How did you use your time off?” (I was so ready to talk to her about how excited I am with motorcycles, mixology, hospice etc… but I wanted to hear her story first).
“I took the time off to raise my family”
“Oh! Congratulations! How many kids?”
“Three”
Frankly, I was like – “Wow! that was quick”. But what I asked was “How old are they?”
“My eldest son is sixteen years…” she went on.

But I had stopped listening to her. My cortical part of the brain had completely taken over. 16? But I had met her around 2010. How could she have taken time off after I left the company – which was itself 3 years after I met had her for the first time and have kids 16 year old. My mind was swirling in all sort of confusion.

As she kept talking, I could hear a few words through that cloud of confusion that started stabbing me back into consciousness….

“Wait! Wait! Roll that back for me. Did you say you adopted from Ethiopia?”

Second time around, I got the story straight. She and her husband had determined not to have their own kid – and instead change the lives of a few. They adopted a son from Ethiopia. Then found out that the child had a sibling (also given up at an orphanage). They adopted him too. Not content with the good that they had already done, they went back and adopted yet another – this time a girl from Ethiopia.

Again, life stories like this overwhelm me. This level of magnanimity and grace boggles my mind. I have mentioned this before about my time spent with an organization in Dallas where we rescued battered women and kids from physically abusive houses. I saw up close and personal how there are more kids than caring parents in this world.

People who can subtract one from that problem are just incredible human beings. I have no words for people who go back and do that multiple times.

I remembered my other friends from Wisconsin – Bob and Audrey (http://www.rajibroy.com/?p=7681) – who have adopted multiple times from Ethiopia and China and told their story to Christina.

This week, I ran into Girish in Cancun (http://www.rajibroy.com/?p=16292) – and found out that he and his wife have adopted two kids from Guatemala.

Amidst all this, the one thing I feel great about myself is that somehow I have been lucky in life enough to call people like these as my friends. For, these guys play the game of life at a very different level than I am able to comprehend.

It was magical to see you again, Christina! And may your tribe increase!

5 April 2018

Nikispeak: Making coffee this morning

This morning, I was trying to catch up on quite a few things after coming back from vacation. There were a lot of calls to be made. While taking such a call from the breakfast table, I noticed that Nikita had started making a cup of coffee for me.

I put the phone on mute and said. “Thank you Nikita. That is very nice….” That is how far I could go.
She promptly cut me off with the rejoinder “Yeah! Yeah! I know. Now remember this when I ask you for money” !!

And they say she is just like me 🙂 🙂

2 April 2018

“Out Ball”!!

Circa 1986. Early evening. A few of us were in the hostel (dorm) grounds. Some of us were playing volleyball on one side of the ground. A few more were waiting for their turn and then some more – both on the ground and from the corridors of the three story building were lazily watching us play.

At some point, the game had reached a feverish pitch with the ball having switched sides multiple times without hitting the ground. In one of those heated moments when excitement had reached a peak, the ball came to Girish. He was a first year student – one year junior to me then.

At that moment, he shuffled his feet with eyes firmly on the ball and got himself in the trajectory of the ball with the arms locked to return the ball. As the rest of us fixated our sights on Girish, he calmly got ready for the ball and at the very last moment he called out “Out ball” and stepped away from his position without touching the ball. His eyes though followed the ball all the way to the ground and he was absolutely right on his call. The ball did fall about half a foot outside the chalk line.

As Girish triumphantly looked back, he was hit with a scenario he could not have been prepared for – even if he had tried to. Everybody – the players, the spectators and the folks on the corridors of the different floors were all rolling on the floor. It was like a wave of boisterous laughter had suddenly hit the hostel. You could see a few more of the students coming out of their rooms and peeking curiously – trying to figure out what the whole commotion was all about.

Of all the people who did not know what the commotion was all about, Girish was one! He kept alternating between looking at the spot where the ball fell (which was clearly out) and looking at the others on the ground laughing – his finger on his chin with that quizzical look all this time.

Till one of the players sobered up, got up, dusted his pants off all the dirt and went up to Girish – “Idiot, that was a pass from your own team mate!! What the heck are you calling Out ball for?”. I am sure that was an young engineer’s first lesson in the difference between being right and being successful.

Girish was a few doors away from me. There are way too many funny stories about him and wing cricket and table tennis to narrate in one day. Or even a month.

I last saw him in 1989 when I left my college.

29 years later, a little birdie told me (no, I do not follow Donald Trump’s tweets) that he would be in Cancun when I would be there too! This morning, after having a coffee with Sharmila by the beach, I put on my running shoes and went running for about 5 miles (8Kish) to his hotel to meet him.

Girish has not changed at all. Looks the same. Very funny still. Got that somewhat-lost-professor look around him. But razor sharp in his intellect. And his sense of humor!!

I also learnt about how he and Sandhya are proud parents of two siblings they have adopted from Guatemala.

Running another near 5 miles back to my hotel, I could only think of one sentiment towards this gentleman… “You are a good man, Muckai Girish, you are a good man. They don’t make them like you no more!!”

27 March 2018

The rebel who prevailed

“You flunked in math?”, I asked her incredulously. In case you were wondering what is so incredulous about flunking in math, wait till you hear the end of the story.

“Yes. I am not very proud of it”, she said
“So, let me get this straight. You flunked in math and got kicked out of your college?”
“Yes. Again I am not very proud of it today”
“How much did you have to score?”
“20 out of 100 to stay in college”.
“And you did not score 20 marks out of 100?”
“No”

“Well, then how the heck did you get to where you have gotten to today?”

That question unveiled the incredible tapestry of life Urmi had woven for herself over the last three decades or so. She used to live in my neighborhood. She was my sister’s classmate till fifth grade, I think. I was not very close to her – but her elder brother – Rupak (Samudra) used to play with us. Therefore, I knew him better. The last time I saw her was probably 1983 when I left Durgapur. 35 years later, I found myself at a bar inside the PORT Authority Bus Station in Time Square area with that same girl. Duly equipped with a red wine for me and a spicy margarita for herself.

“Start from 1983. What happened?”, I asked

“I hated being told what to do. I rebelled against my parents, my teachers… everybody. I was a tomboy. I never studied. I did not do well in my exams. I was sent to a college (btw, my sister was in that college too) but I flunked out and went to another college”

“Did you have a purpose in life? Did what your parents/elders wanted you to do run counter to it? Is that why you rebelled?
“No. I do not think I was mature enough to have goals. I just did not want to be told what I should do. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. When I wanted to do. Where I wanted to do”.

“Well, then what happened?”

“Then I married the guy I wanted to. He came to US for higher studies. Eventually I joined him. And then…..”, her voice seemed to fade away as she was reliving her early days in a foreign country.

“And?”

“And,” she said getting her voice back, “something clicked in my mind. Suddenly, I felt I had all the independence in my life. To do whatever I wanted to do. In a foreign land where nobody knew me other than my husband. I felt a great sense of freedom.”

I waited as she again seemed to get lost in her thoughts. Finally she looked at me and haltingly, said “Then I got scared”

“You got scared of all the freedom?”

“No. Once I had all the freedom, I came to the next realization that I had not made much of myself in all my life. I was too busy NOT doing stuff to do any stuff”.

“So, what did you do?”

“I wanted to revisit that flunking out of college for not scoring 20 in math. My husband was a graduate student. We did not have much money. But we were able to scrounge up enough for me to get to school. I started studying math!”

“One second. We are still talking about math – the subject you flunked in?”

“Yes. I loved math always. I just did not like the teachers and the rigidity of the system”.

Well, turns out this rebel of a girl got a bachelors’ degree in math with flying colors.
Then she proceeded to get her masters degree.
Undaunted by her new born child and all the first time mothers’ duties, she kept pushing on her love for math ad then got a Ph.D!! While raising her young child!!!
Then she became a professor of math in a New York college – and eventually earned tenureship!

And that is what she does as a profession today!

Now you see why I was totally flummoxed when a tenured math professor in a college in New York told me that she had flunked out of college because of math!!!

What an inspiring story.

I see parents complaining about their wards during school years – more common in India than in US – that they are not getting focused and studying and all that. I have this belief that every kid eventually pivots. There comes a day in their life when they wake up and want to do something with their life. At that point they are wiling to put in all the hard work that comes with that territory.

That is the day they need all our help and support to push them thru that phase. Starting late does not make the journey easier but the self-drive makes success that much more achievable.

Going back to Urmi, there were some great subsequent discussions on happiness, mortality, supporting parents in India during their old ages and so on. Unfortunately for me, she needed to grab a bus back home and we had to end our meeting.

As an aside, later that evening, I was telling Sharmila about the meeting and she had an intriguing question – “So, what does she do when her children or students won’t listen to her and do their studies?” 🙂

I need to remember to ask her that when I see her next!!!

It was great seeing you Urmi after so many years!!!