… if not for anything else, but to relive my past. And remember how
(*) loudly Indians talk in public
(*) to constantly yell at your children
(*) long we are willing to wait for food to be served
(*) to easily convert a table for four at the food court to a table for eight
(*) to leave trash and newspapers in the chair or bench you were sitting….
🙂
After a very long time, I find myself at Global Mall. For the uninitiated, you can be forgiven for mistaking it to be a mall where you can pick up stuff from all over the world. In fact, all you will get is Indian clothes, Indian food, more Indian clothes, cricket bats, some more Indian clothes and so on.
It is like some Indian dude went “Hey, if they can invite Canada and call it the World Series, I can also get a couple of guys of Pakistan and Bangladesh to open up shops with me and call it Global Mall” 🙂
A pretty large earthquake hit Nepal and India with a high toll – especially in Nepal. However, the effects were felt all the way in southern Bengal where all my folks live. They are all fine.
But talking to them was one of the endearing exercises I could have ever gone thru for a couple of hours early this Saturday morning. First and foremost, every family member wanted to talk to describe to me their first hand experience and eye witness report. And some of the reports were hilarious to say, the least.
My sister – who absolutely believes all adjectives exist to be used in the superlative form only – is convinced that this is the worst earthquake in the history of mankind. When I mildly challenged her the earthquake could not have lasted for two minutes in Kalyani when it was about 20 seconds in Delhi (much closer to the epicenter), she retorted “Tora America-y thakis boley nijeder sobjaanta bhabis”. Apparently, we Americans are prone to thinking of ourselves as know-alls!! In her mind, on the Richter scale of 0-9.5 (highest recorded), this one fell outside the Richter scale.
I understand her building swayed by “at least one foot” on either side. When pointed out a five storey building cannot take that level of stress, she was very pleased with herself that she had chosen a much better construction company than any other in that area.
The elderly ones – my dad, father in law and such had a very similar reaction to the earthquake. Not expecting an earthquake in the slightest bit, each one of them concluded that they were having a heart attack or some kind of massive health failure!! Somehow it never struck my parents that there is little to no chance that both of them will have a heart attack at the exact same time.
As I was hearing my mom describe the earthquake, I could hear my dad rattling off all sorts of geographical stuff from behind. (Geography used to be his forte). I could hear him from the background ask my mom to check if I knew what the “Ring of Fire” was. Curiously, he thought 7.9 Richter is higher than “normal”. As much as I tried to convince him there is nothing called “normal” in measurement of earthquake, he firmly stood his ground that 6 is normal. I think he is watching too much IPL these days.
On the other end of the age spectrum, the youngest family members had a more measured response. My eleven year nephew simply said “dnariye dnariye knepe gelam” (meaning, I got shaken up merely trying to stand up). The youngest nephew (nine years old) had an even simpler answer when asked what did he do :
“Ami to mejhey-tey shue-ey porlam” (I laid down on the floor)
“Keno”? (Why), I asked
“Dekhchhilam kirokom laagey” (I was trying to find out how it feels).
I really wish I had a few more hours this morning. It would have been awesome to call up a few more relatives…
Niki: “Who was daddy talking to”?
Sharmila: “A very old friend of his from Bombay. He lives here in California. His name is Karthik.”
Niki: “How many Karthiks are there in California”?
(Admittedly we know quite a few)
Sharmila: “I know. We might land up meeting this uncle in a couple of days’ time. He is very funny.”
Niki: “Real funny or Dad funny”?
And I was like “Hey, hey! I am in the room”!!! 🙂
Flying back home, I checked my Facebook account and was skimming thru the comments to see if I needed to respond to any of them. (Heaven knows I respond even when I do not need to 🙂 ).
It is then that I noticed something. More Facebook friends like my pictures when I am sitting down than when I am running 🙂 Last running post – 2 likes. The one before that where I was sitting on a bench – 35 likes!!! Prior to that – me running with Samaresh – 11 likes. And right before that, me sitting at Starbucks – 20 likes.
Either my FB friends want me to stop running and put on weight or they are much relieved when I actually survive a run and sit down 🙂
Usually, I just use Apple or Google products (and let them save in Microsoft formats if I have to send to somebody). I was trying to use Microsoft applications today (in this particular case, Powerpoint). First the application crashed. It asked me if it was okay to send a Error Report. Coming from software background, I am always about helping anybody debug. So, I said Yes. Now, the Microsoft Error Reporting crashed!!!! This is too funny!
An Indian bride yesterday dumped her groom-to-be during the wedding ceremony near Kanpur because he failed a math test he gave her!! The question she asked was how much was fifteen plus six. The groom replied seventeen! The bride simply walked out accusing the groom of lying about his educational qualifications!
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2015/03/14/indian-bride-dumbs-groom-failed-math-test/24759641/
Awesome!!
Now, there are unconfirmed reports that many Indian husbands are egging their wives on to ask them math questions. Evidently, everyone is prepared to say one thousand plus two thousand equals zero!!!
Here in US, we celebrate today as the Irrational Exuberance day. (We might have as well called it the Alan Greenspan day). People – especially those who do not remember what the definition of pi is (not the value) – get together and have pies and pie parties.
The rest of the world looks at us completely bemused. I am sure they go something like “Dude, you don’t even know how to write dates properly. You either go up DDMMYY or down YYMMDD. And by the way, the pie that you eat is not spell the same way as pi – the math symbol. In fact, there is an extra “e” in it – which is another math symbol that you probably neither know the definition or value of”.
In response, we pop in one more Tums. Because we have run out of pies.
Jokes apart, did you know Belize is the only other country than US that uses MMDDYY format? (There are a few other countries like Kenya, Philippines etc where, in some parts, MMDDYY is also used)
