“Dude, you are a techie!” she said.

“Get one of those apps.” she said. The tone clearly pointed to the unwritten “Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah” sentiment.

I should’ve known better than to listen to her.

Let’s back up for a second. In one of the earlier posts, I had talked about … well, I can’t talk … I had written about the difficulty I was having in conveying my messages to folks at home. As a matter of detail, Nikita is no problem since we can talk in ASL letters. Natasha is not a problem either because she ignores me in general. And the three dogs are happy if I sit next to them without talking.

That leaves Sharmila.

When she initiates something, it will usually go like this:

“”, she said.

I maintain a pregnant silence.

“Oh! sorry!! you can’t talk!”

And that would be that.

Now, when I have to initiate something, that is a totally different story. First of all, how do you get her attention? Clapping or snapping the fingers only gets the three dogs to make a beeline for me.

The pandemonium starts after that. Because it is essentially a reenactment of a terrible round of Charades gone wrong.

This is where Miriam hurled the abuse of “techie” at me and impatiently pointed to the apps out there. I did “takie” her advice and downloaded a couple of those apps where you write your message and turn the phone sideways and it shows up in big font for others to see. Strangely, I had this nagging feeling that I had left my limo at the airport.

In any case, this so-called solution of Miriam got me into even more trouble. What would have been a minute of frantic gesturing and hand waving now plays out thusly…

Imagine this. Early morning. She comes down and is doing something in the kitchen. I have come back after giving the three dogs a walk. I wonder if she might want some coffee.

First, I clap to get her attention. She looks up to me quizzically.

This is when I get stumped for the first time. Because I had clearly not thought this one thru. Where is my phone??

So, I ask her to stand there while I go locate my phone. A few minutes later, I come back victorious and frantically start typing out on the app.

Let me tell you something about these apps. They are simply horrendous at auto correct. How does “You want coffee?” become “COVFEFE”, only Heaven knows. It is not exactly helpful that I have to type out something about Jay Jay, Tuey and Bogga half the time for her. That would be Jayhawk, Tuesday and Bungle for you, thank you very much!

After about pressing as many backspaces as real letters, I have most of my message done. That is when triumphantly I turn the phone around and show it to her.

Want to guess what happens next?

She, who has been patiently waiting all this time looks at the message with a frown and then instructs me to stand at my own place for some time.

What’s going on? Is she getting back at me for making her wait so long? I ask myself.

I finally catch up to it.

The next five minutes is spent in she simply looking up the whole house for her reading glasses!!

And I wait there wondering whether I should change that “Do you want coffee?” to “Do you want lunch?” 🙂

Miriam’s “techie” solution was decidedly felled by a “non-techie” problem!

Last night I had gone off to sleep feeling like a bout of cold was coming on to me. That would not help my situation. I can ill afford to sneeze right now. Sharmila had thoughtfully bundled me away in bed with night cap, throat scarf and all that. She can be a bit loving that way.

Woke up blithe as a lark at 5AM like everyday. Which is about midnight for her. Went to the closet to grab some jackets. Did not bother to put any lights on. Usually the family is fast asleep when I give Tuey and Bogga their morning walk for bathroom break. The jacket hangar swung and hit against the wall and made a sharp noise.

Which woke up Sharmila. Well, physically she got up. But her consciousness was fast asleep. Or, more accurately, trying to get out of the stupor.

She realized that I was fumbling in the dark in the closet. Her mind was still in the mode of “this is an usual morning”.

“Are you going to the gym?” she asked.

Now, lest you forget, I cannot speak. So, there I was, waiting for her to realize that I cannot answer.

Her consciousness was fighting its way to the present. I think it remembered we have three dogs at home.

“Are you giving the dogs a walk?”

I stood there helplessly in the dark looking in her direction in general.

A few more seconds. Her mind was almost there.

“How is your cold feeling?” Obviously, she had recollected last night.

Still no answer from me. For a couple of seconds, I was wondering what to do. You know, I cannot just go in the dark, shake her up and say “I cannot talk.” That would beat the whole purpose.

Finally, she blurted out. “Oh! Sorry. I forgot!”

“Bingo!” I muttered to myself as I walked away.

One more day of adventure begins!