17 October 2017

The best laid plans of mice and men…

First of all, please help me in keeping this a secret. Do not let my immediate family in India know of this for another 36 hours.

Second, let me share with you something that I had not made public for a few weeks. You probably recollect my trip to India to see my parents from mid August. Well, my plan to see them next was Dec end. In fact, the daughters wanted to come too. Excitedly, I started the process of getting all passports renewed and new Indian visas stamped around the end of Sep. (still waiting the daughters’ visas).

In the middle of all this, my dad decided to have a brain stroke. His right side is paralyzed and he cannot speak!! To cut thru the last four weeks quickly, after a long stay in the hospital in Kolkata, my brother has successfully moved him back to home in Kalyani. He and the entire family supporting him are going thru a very tough adjustment process.

Thru all this, my brother, who is quarterbacking all the ground level realities there has been actively dissuading me from coming to India right now. He is worried that this might disrupt our December plans (and he would rather we all go to see my dad in December). He also thinks that at this juncture, I might add more work for my mom than actually be helpful. (She is undoubtedly going to worry about what I am going to eat). Finally he thinks, I should preserve money during an “off year”.

All good points. Except, a week back, Sharmila and I discussed and I decided to override my brother. So, here I am – at the familiar Atlanta airport international terminal again – headed to India to be with my dad hoping he can recognize me and say a couple of words.

Regarding my brother, while I am sure he is going to be very happy seeing me, I have also prepared my excuse codes…

(*) I will be landing at my parents place on Diwali day – the biggest festival day in all of India. I have not been with my family for Diwali since 1985.

(*) Saturday is “bhaiphonta” for us. I am not sure if there is something equivalent in the Western world – but this is where sisters celebrate their brothers with all sorts of ceremonies. (For college goers, this is like an anti-Valentine Day. If the girl tags you as her brother, you have pretty much reached the End Of File on that budding relationship 🙂 ). Anyways, my younger brother always goes to my sister’s house for this celebration every year and sends me pictures. Guess who is showing up this year?

(*) My brother and I have not had a drink together for way too long 🙂 I have to say thanks to him for the inhuman effort he has put in for the last four weeks.

I have my doubts if I can achieve much more than be with my dad and more importantly my family who are having a tough adjustment period getting used to a semi-invalid patient. But, if I can, highest on my list is visiting a couple of teachers from my early school days and say Thanks to them before I lose my chance. Most of them, I have not seen for 40 years or more.

Soooooo…. we have a deal, right? No breathing of this trip to my family in India. In fact, I am blocking them temporarily on Facebook so they cannot read this either…

Category: Vacations | 124 Comments on The best laid plans of mice and men…
16 October 2017

“Do Ra Mi”

The phone rang with the familiar tone when I call an India number.
Somebody picked it up and said “Hello”
It was early in the morning. I had to clear my throat and ask gingerly “Mrs. Paulraj?”
“Speaking? Who is this?”

That was a very difficult question to answer. How do you tell the person –

“Well, there is no way in God’s green earth you will know me if I tell you my name. Okay, it is Rajib. Rajib Roy. See? It made no difference. But here is the thing… In 1973, when I was in my first grade in Benachity Junior High School, you taught music to us. You used to sit on a piano and sing songs like Do Ra Me (from Sound of Music ) and, we, the kids, used to join in with a full spirited, high toned bleat. All of us except Mukundan. He was the bully in the class. You never liked him. Neither did we. So, you used to send him out to stand outside the class. If you really insist on crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s, well, he was required to hold his ears too”

What I said was “Ma’m, you were my teacher 44 years back. I was merely 7 years then”.

And to establish my credentials, I quickly rattled off about seven other teachers from that school that I am in touch with. That seemed to gain her confidence. The more updates I gave her about her colleagues from four decades back, the more believable I became to her.

I told her about the drama we did in our second grade. We had to do a play – Cinderella it was. I was one of the princes at the ball dance. (the last time I had danced, as I recollect). My dad had bought me princely clothes for that – bell-bottoms!!! Did I mention this was early 70s? 🙂 I also told Mrs. Paulraj about the time she had pulled me and my partner – Mousumi – aside and taught us how to synchronize our steps to her notes.

In the end, she had given up and told me “Just follow Mousumi’s instructions”. And that is what I had done. If it was not for Mousumi’s eye signals that night, I would have had no idea whether to step left or right. That stage light and all that face powder on me was too confusing!!!

“Ma’m, the reason I am calling you today is to thank you. You were part of a small set of folks who had a big influence on me in my formative years. I just wanted you to know that I am happy in the way I have turned out to be. And I wanted to take the time to say Thank You to you”.

A few heart to heart words later, I am now on to another adventure. Somehow, someday, I hope to see her physically in Salem, Tamil Nadu, India to tell her Thanks to her personally!!

Category: Intersection Points | 6 Comments on “Do Ra Mi”
16 October 2017

Another story from my hospice adventures

(All names changed to protect privacy of patients)
A couple of weeks back I had written about the gentleman who would call up his daughter after painstakingly making it to the phone and fishing out the chit of paper from his hat – remember? Remember, how I had talked about the unbridled love a dad has for his daughter?

Well, this is the flip side of the coin. Today, after visiting the same gentleman mentioned above, I went to visit Mrs. Ashley upstairs. I was looking forward to the conversation. To be honest, Mrs. Ashley is a nonagenarian who has been suffering from Parkinson’s from some time. She can’t hear much, she can’t talk much. So, you wonder what conversation am I talking about, right?

Do not get me wrong. I love seeing Mrs. Ashley. Those big eyes – that smile that never leaves her – those nods to anything I say (mostly because she can’t hear a thing) – sometimes, those quiet moments when we watch TV together (I have no idea what I am watching and I suspect that makes two of us) – I absolutely look forward to them. But what I really look forward to is seeing her daughter – Rachel.

If I visit Mrs. Ashley in the afternoon, I am guaranteed to meet Rachel. First, I want you to understand that Rachel is about twenty years older to me. Then I want you to understand that Rachel was hit with cancer. She valiantly fought back that cancer and after five long years, she came up on top of that dratted disease, very recently.

I sit face to face with the lady – a patient, in her own right.

“I am sorry if I am coming into a mother-daughter moment. I will come back tomorrow”, I had said the first day I ran into her.
“Who are you?”
“Oh! I am a volunteer with the hospice service. I came to give your mom company.”
“Well, then you are my friend. Come, sit down.”

From there I started building up the family history…
“Your mom said she is 78. That is how old my dad is!”, I had told her.
“Ha ha, she is 91. She has no idea what she is talking about. Parkinson’s can do that to you”
“Oh!”, I had exclaimed.

As I got to know the history more, I became more and more humbled. Rachel – who is actually my mom’s age – comes and stays with her mom every single afternoon of her life. She helps her with physiotherapy, bathroom stuff and just being there with her.

EVERY. SINGLE. AFTERNOON.

In fact, she and her husband moved to a house next to the hospice so that she can walk up every afternoon!

“How did you learn all these things?”
“About what?”
“How to take care of a terminal patient”.
“Oh! I talk to the doctors, nurses and therapists and then I learn from them! And I copy what they do”

There is a lot of things I learnt about Rachel – that she used to fly kites!! Internationally!!! Met her husband in a kite competition!! (Rick, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I proudly mentioned you to her!!)

But what I learnt most is what a daughter’s unconditional love for her mother is. Now, I am neither a daughter nor a mother. It is difficult for me to put myself in any of those positions. But I can understand from the prospective a human being selflessly giving up every day for another human being.

Mind you, she just fought her own battle with cancer back!!!

Driving back, my mind drifted back to my parents in India. My dad is battling a new tough battle (I will write about it tomorrow). But my first question to myself was – when will I be like Rachel?

When will I learn how to selflessly love those who need our love and caring the most?

Category: In Transit | 4 Comments on Another story from my hospice adventures
16 October 2017

From the bartender’s corner – Tokyo Kaikan Gimlet

Not a bad cocktail for a cold fall evening like today. It is smooth but has enough stiffness to take in the the coldness of the evening. Rather simple ingredients – freshly squeezed lime juice, simple syrup, Rose’s sweetened lime juice and Gin. I have to admit that I am not sure why the recipe calls for the Rose’s juice after I had already put in fresh lime juice and simple syrup. But going my the end product, I am not complaining, mind you!!

Category: Cocktails | LEAVE A COMMENT
15 October 2017

Some Sunday morning English word puzzles

Here are some more interesting English words to get you going on a Sunday. Please feel free to answer in the Comment section if you know or after you have found the answers…

1. I remember growing up during childhood, one of the best things about rains was that typical smell of the earth after the initial showers. I am sure you remember it too – and even experience it today – that earthy smell you get after the first showers – especially if the ground was very dry. There is actually a word to describe that smell. Do you know what it is?

2. I have a not-so-healthy habit of piling up books. When I hear good reviews of a book from friends, I usually go to iBooks, read up a few sample pages and if it still interests me, I buy it. Here is the catch though – I do not often get to reading those books. Sometimes, it takes me a long time to start reading them. Do you have the same habit? That of buying books and not reading them? There is a word to describe that behavior. Do you know it?

3. Any of you who have visited us in our Atlanta house will know that we live in a forest. We love the raw beauty of nature and the privacy of a forest. There is a word to describe people like us who love the forests. What is it?

4. While I dabble a lot in alcohol, I never could get myself to drink beer. Certainly, I understand the production process and categories of various gins, wines, vodkas, whiskies, but I am an absolute neophyte when it comes to beer making. I have heard my friends use a few words – like IPA, hops etc when talking about beer. I never knew what hops are – except that it has to do with beer. Curiosity eventually got the better of me and I looked it up. Well, hops – I found out are a kind of plant and is used during the beer making process. In fact the category of plant that hops belong to is called “bine”. I was sure that was a misprint of “vine” (I guess I was thinking wine – grapes etc etc). Turns out “bine” is the right word. Do you know what a “bine” is? More importantly, what is the difference between a “bine” and a “vine”?

5. If you have gotten to this point, you obviously love words and are at least moderately curious about them. So, we will finish up with a word to describe you. What do you call somebody who is a lover of words?

Here’s to learning a few more new words…

Category: Word Play | 16 Comments on Some Sunday morning English word puzzles
14 October 2017

From the bartender’s corner: Gin #22 – “Only” Gin

It is sort of an unique name “Only”. This gin is distilled in Spain – near Barcelona to be precise. The base is neutral grain spirit and then during the distillation process the following are infused: juniper berries, jasmine, lemon balm, hibiscus, violet, rose petals, mallow, lavender, pansies, veronica and orange blossom.

From the botanicals, you can guess – and you would be right – that this is a very flowery gin. The nose and the finish is distinctly flowery. The palette was a little flat.

The bottle is a nice red and orange one.

Tried with gin and tonic first.

Category: Cocktails | 1 Comment on From the bartender’s corner: Gin #22 – “Only” Gin
14 October 2017

Oh! What fun…

It was to run
On Rosewell Parade Day
Hey! 🙂

Speaking of “Hey”, I had a “Hey” moment once I reached the racing start line. I had forgotten my Garmin. I had absolutely no idea what pace I was running in. Which was very disconcerting since I could not time myself and make sure I had enough energy to finish. I had no other option but to just let go and run at will. After the second mile, I was starting to run low on energy (I was sure by then that I had clipped faster than I should have). There was a lady running near me and I just decided to keep pace with her. But at the second hill, she slowed down. Saw another guy around my age up front – and paced up to catch up to him. And then hung on to it till the end of the race. We paced each other and encouraged each other – especially around the hills.

At the end, he came up to me and we chatted for a long time. Turns out Mike Jacobs started running in 2005. Which is when I did too! His eldest daughter is in Manhattan! As is mine!! Like I said, we talked for quite some time, became good friends, got a picture taken and then promised to run a 10 mile race in November in Atlanta together. Actually, he is running anyways. I told him I will join him. We were wondering how we could spot each other there on that day. “Come in your orange shirt”, he said!!

I will admit, it is a little loud 🙂

I will have to wait for the official results. I did not want to wait – instead, went to see the parade and came back home. But as I crossed the finish line, I noticed the clock tipping over 26 mins. So, it is probably 26 mins and a few seconds.

Category: Running | 4 Comments on Oh! What fun…