29 November 2024

Lessons in Silence on Day 1

#1. The biggest difficulty I have with silence is that I cannot interact with strangers. In fact, when you are unable to talk, upon coming across a stranger, your first reaction is to withdraw. At least mine is. Because I will not be able to hold on to an interaction. How am I going to any new friends now?

#2. When you want to say something, drawing attention to yourself is very difficult. You can be in the same room but your only way to say that you have to say something is by clapping or snapping your fingers. If you happen to have three dogs around, that is guaranteed to result in chaos.

#3. When outside, you are totally dependent on technology. I have to carry my iPhone with me all the time. Whether neighbors say something or the barista friends in coffee shops greet me, I have to flash out a screen to say “Temporarily Speech Impaired”. Took Tuey out for a walk early morning today. Forgot my phone at home. Quite a few folks must have thought I was in a foul mood given my non-reactions or simple head nods to questions that clearly demanded longer answers!!

#4. Also, I realized I like writing. I mean, I really like writing. I am constantly with a fountain pen and a pad or on my blog editor. Re-reading some of those, I further realize that, much like the wine in my favorite airlines, what I lack in quality, I certainly make up in quantity!!

This might be as good a clue as any to stop writing any further here 🙂

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29 November 2024

Waking up to an amusing incident

Last night I had gone off to sleep feeling like a bout of cold was coming on to me. That would not help my situation. I can ill afford to sneeze right now. Sharmila had thoughtfully bundled me away in bed with night cap, throat scarf and all that. She can be a bit loving that way.

Woke up blithe as a lark at 5AM like everyday. Which is about midnight for her. Went to the closet to grab some jackets. Did not bother to put any lights on. Usually the family is fast asleep when I give Tuey and Bogga their morning walk for bathroom break. The jacket hangar swung and hit against the wall and made a sharp noise.

Which woke up Sharmila. Well, physically she got up. But her consciousness was fast asleep. Or, more accurately, trying to get out of the stupor.

She realized that I was fumbling in the dark in the closet. Her mind was still in the mode of “this is an usual morning”.

“Are you going to the gym?” she asked.

Now, lest you forget, I cannot speak. So, there I was, waiting for her to realize that I cannot answer.

Her consciousness was fighting its way to the present. I think it remembered we have three dogs at home.

“Are you giving the dogs a walk?”

I stood there helplessly in the dark looking in her direction in general.

A few more seconds. Her mind was almost there.

“How is your cold feeling?” Obviously, she had recollected last night.

Still no answer from me. For a couple of seconds, I was wondering what to do. You know, I cannot just go in the dark, shake her up and say “I cannot talk.” That would beat the whole purpose.

Finally, she blurted out. “Oh! Sorry. I forgot!”

“Bingo!” I muttered to myself as I walked away.

One more day of adventure begins!

28 November 2024

The “Sinatra” option

The otolaryngologist entered my pre-op area. I had recognized him from a distance and had already waved at him. Like my regular doctor, he is very personable and has a great sense of humor. Instantly, we started talking about Thanksgiving plans and all that.

“So, Mr. Roy, you understand why you are here right?”
“Yes, we will take out the growth in my voice mail box.”
“Indeed”

He explained once again the non-surgical choices I had (including laser) and confirmed that I wanted the surgery.
We went over the chances of things going wrong and what might be the worst case scenarios.

“I am committed, Doctor. Let’s go for it.”

“Okay. We will do the Sinatra option then”

“Sinatra option? What is that?” I asked.

“Well, we take the growth out and seal with nearby tissue in a way that if Frank Sinatra had come here, he would be singing back on stage in two weeks’ time”.

“Sinatra option it is, then Doctor”.

For my Bengali friends: সেই থেকে আমি হন্যে হয়ে একটা গানের মাস্টার খুঁজছি !!

(For the Bengali challenged: I have been looking for a music teacher ever since)

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28 November 2024

Lessons in Silence on Day 0

1. Dogs care very little about hand signals or sign language
2. After I am thru, my family can take any of your families in a game of Charades.
3. Salad places like Salata are completely out. (this is where you have to pick each ingredient in your salad)
4. Some of my friends are not doing the math before calling me to wish me a speedy recovery
5. I am very scared to go to the airport now. If I see something, what should I do?

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28 November 2024

Silence as an opportunity?

Imagine this… you have to stay completely silent for 2 weeks. This is not like your silent retreat kind of thing. You are home. Free to go around doing your usual stuff at home and office as long you do not use your vocal chords. This is due to a medical surgery – but you are guaranteed full recovery at the end of it. So, you do not have to worry about health complications from this.

Well, this is what I am going thru.

Of course, being silent means I have to slow things down. Also, I have a bit of extra time at hand since I cannot do any strenuous physical exercises – so no running or gym and all that.

Now, my question is – how would you use this as an opportunity? What are some of the ideas you have for me that I can use this to come out with a better version of me?

So far, I have started learning ASL. What else?

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30 October 2024

Why I almost broke into a dance in the doctor’s office

In a streak of single minded determination, I tried going after the unwanted protrusions in my body – all this week. Some poet, in an inspired moment, no doubt has written “Deformities, thy name is Rajib” or something of similar import. After throat, came the wrist.

This thing on my wrist came up around the same time I got into trouble with my throat. And also around the time I started bicycling. Since it was not hurting, I did not care much about it. But when I met my friend Avijit in Australia (who is in the medical industry), he had advised me to see a doctor although his guess was it is entirely benign.

There I was, in front of an orthopedic surgeon. First, I had to get the X rays done. Then the assistant came in. Abbey was her name. Very friendly, young lady who always wanted to be in the medical field. By the time she was done taking all my vitals and writing down the notes, I had figured out her entire life. Or most of it at least.

Presently, the doctor came. Believe it or not, for about 15 minutes we talked about PE firms!! And we had a good debate on “PE industry… is it really a Ponzi scheme?” In his defense, he finally did bring me back to my persistent swelling.

After the consultation, we looked at the options and unlike the throat outgrowth, here we basically decided to just live with it. I did not care about the grotesque look (it is on brand with my image of not caring about my looks) and it does not give me any pain anyways.

The doctor left and Abbey came in. She handed me some paperwork, printouts of my X-rays and a business card in case I changed my mind and wanted to go ahead with the surgery anyways.

“What was the diagnosis, Mr. Roy?”

“This is a cyst”. And an inspired moment, I added in a sing song voice… “Ganglion style” 🙂

(It is a Ganglion cyst but I am sure you get the musical reference).

Both of us laughed out loud!!

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29 October 2024

The fine art of choosing between medical options

“Good news, Mr. Roy. There is no cancer!”
“And, what is the bad news?”, I asked my otolaryngologist, mildly worried
“Well, we still have to go in and take it out”, he said sympathetically.

I kept on staring at the small outgrowth in my voice box showing up brilliantly in the big monitor. A few minutes back, I had to go thru the uncomfortable procedure of cameras going down my nose and diving deep in the voice box and then video recording all the muscle movements as Joey (doctor’s assistant) instructed me to make all sorts of weird noises.

All this came about when I reported to my general physician about breathing shortness while talking. I thought he would take me thru all sorts of lung and heart tests to look at abnormalities. Instead, he asked a few questions and did the initial diagnosis. The logic of which was pure and I was struck by how quickly he narrowed it down.

“Are you still running?” he had asked.
“Yes. Although miles have gone down and so has speed. Also, I have started biking.”
“Good. Good. Good. Are you feeling any shortness of breath while running or biking – more than what it used to be a year back?”

It suddenly occurred to me. I have had no discomfort doing any exercise. Only when talking – especially in the morning, on Zoom calls or phone calls.

“Actually no.” I said, a bit perplexed myself.

He was clear in his mind though. “Well, there you go. Your lungs and heart are fine. There seems to be a problem in the voice box and you are having to take more effort to push the air thru. I would ask you to immediately see my friend Dr. Law”.

And there I was as Dr. Law, laid down the law for me on a surgery.

I was too busy staring at the video and in complete awe of how the whole thing works. I guess I had asked one too many question. The doctor asked his assistant to instruct the scheduler to give him ten minutes. She stepped out. He took off his gloves and manipulating the video frame by frame, patiently explained to me the different muscles that come together to make noise. He showed me how my flaps were closing asymmetrically compared to another video he had. And all this because of the outgrowth. I could have sat there for another hour and learnt how the whole laryngitis area works.

But I was struck with another question.

“Without biopsy, how did you know it is not cancer?” I asked getting a bit worried that I was taking too much of his valuable time.

I guess doctors do live by the maxim “Treat the patient, not the disease.” Because he doubled down on showing me pictures of what a cancer in that area would look like. The surface dryness, the shape of the outgrowth and all that.

“You match none of the three mandatory symptoms. I will return my degree if proven wrong.”

Somewhat assured by his confidence, I returned to our question in hand…

“So, what are our options?”

“Well, Option 1 is surgery. We will go thru your mouth and take it out. 100% chance of recovery.”

“What are the risks?”

“Negligible. No more and no less than other options.”

“Can it come back after the surgery?”

“Very rare. We might see one case in three to four years. Usually always benign.”

“Post surgery, will there be any restrictions – like eating and all that?”

I suddenly remembered that Dr. Vine in Dallas had told me I had to stop drinking wine for the medicine (Methotrexate) that he was going to put me on to combat the onset of psoriatic arthritis. I landed up getting him to refer me to another doctor who would do a deal with me – half a glass of wine every evening, half the dose of medicine, twice the time of recovery and every Monday drawing of blood to keep a watch on the liver.

“Well, we do not want any scars in that area immediately after surgery. So, you cannot talk for 5 days.”

“Come again?”

“No talking for 5 days. Absolute silence.”

“Well, Option 2 it is then, doctor!” I declared without even hearing what that option was!!! So much for my intellectual curiosity.

This had nothing to do with learning. I was in no mood to make Sharmila THAT happy.

Or my office friends, for that matter!!!

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9 October 2024

I am not saying this really happened at my house, I am just saying

The office calls ran a bit late due to time difference with the other end. Finally, at 9PM we ambled towards downtown Alpharetta and presently, settled down in one of the Taverns. Some MLB playoff game was playing on the TV and I partook of one of their specialty cocktails.

Back at home, she got busy with the dog who, was unfortunately, fighting an ear infection. And I opened the refrigerator door, somewhat desultorily, I might add, devising ways to kill the aftertaste of the aforementioned cocktail.

There were some nice Indian sweets right in front of me virtually screaming “Take me Take me”. Somehow, the prospect of eating sweets did not appeal to me. Has not had for over three decades. Closed the door and went to the pantry looking for some salty food. Finally, grabbed a few salty nuts and threw them into my open mouth.

As I closed the pantry door, I was swiftly accosted…(I learnt that treating ear infections for dogs does not take as much time as I thought)

“What are you doing?”

“Oh! I was looking to get rid of the drink from the palate”

“There are some good sweets in the fridge”

“Yeah! I saw that.”

“And…?”

This is where I made good on a comeback moment that I had been waiting for. At least a couple of days.

I casually dropped in my answer – “Oh! this lady we both know mentioned to me the other day that I am getting a beer belly”.

Predictably, she laughed out aloud and looked at me. She obviously remembered.

Unpredictably (for her), I did not respond. Just kept chewing those salty nuts nonchalantly.

It had its effect.

The mood started changing like the Fall weather. Slow at first and then rapidly.

The laughter was the first to die. Then the grin got wiped out.

All sorts of doubts started creeping in her mind. That frown said it all.

“WHICH LADY TOLD YOU THAT?”, she demanded to know.

My good job having been done, I went upstairs and made a beeline for the bed.

Went under covers to squelch the squeals of laughter.

Our comforters are pretty thick that way.

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25 August 2024

A powerful message from Rory Sutherland

I am sure you too, like I, have a few people that you look forward to talking to. For me, they tend to be folks who have great wisdom that I can learn from. Most are younger than me but ways ahead of me in terms of questioning commonly accepted social norms, fearlessness in crafting their own ways, sheer independence in thinking and the ability to argue two sides of an argument.

Today was such a person’s birthday – Uttara. We spoke for the better part of half an hour and I came away re-inspired to question everything that I do and get a deeper understanding of my own biases. We talked a lot about the default mode we set ourselves in when it comes to spending the most valuable and the most personal assets we have – our time, our body and so on.

Right after that talk, I went for a run and put on a talk by Rory Sutherland on my Airpods. Usually, after about 5-10 minutes, I get into the mood of running and tuck away my phone and Airpods in the waist pouch. Today, though, I got hooked on to the message. So much so, I listened to it twice during my run and then drive back home.

Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bc9jFbxrkMk

Uttara, if you are reading this, you might find an interesting take he has, and some counter intuitive research studies on work commute!!

24 August 2024

Early morning sitting out

Our neighborhood has a lot of nature and sitting spots around trails, parks etc. Given that temperatures are starting to cool off, these days, instead of practicing mindfulness with a cup of cappuccino in our balcony, I walk to one of the benches and enjoy the breaking of dawn. The cicadas and the birds provide most of the background noise. Plus some last few frogs who have not retired yet. The glistening of sprinkler water on the long blades of grass look beautiful.

Want Jay Jay to join me too but he is too deep in his sleep this time of the day.

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