“Gaye dinon ka suraag lekar
Kidhar se aaya kidhar gaaya woh
Ajeeb maanus ajnabi tha
Mujhe to hairan kar gaya woh”
Poet: Nasir Kazmi
Roughly translated…
“With that sudden hint of long lost past
She came from nowhere; and then vanished – I know not where
It be so strange that a complete stranger like her
Could leave me so utterly listless”
Now that I have given a long winded excuse in my previous post – and a fair warning at that – I can now start by telling you the question I get asked often: “How do you get so much time?”
It came up recently again around my posting of the annual dashboard. Which got me to think – in as much an unbiased way I possibly could – why is it that it seems to others that I get more time to do things?
My first conclusion is it is not about what I do – rather what I do not do. With the safe assumption that I have 24 hours like everybody else and that I sleep 7-8 hours a day (average about 7:30 most days), part of the answer has to lie in what is it that I do not do that others do.
Problem is when I ask people – how did you spend your time last week (in large categories), most people shoo me away. So, I tried to deduce from secondary data – like conversations that I cannot follow or the regular berating from my wife when she has to explain why I have not showed up at a party yet again.
I think not watching any movies, sports and in general having TV time to near zero (unless I am with my wife at a bar) plus not going to any large social gathering (more than 4 is large for me) is probably one reason I get more amount of discretionary time than others.
The second conclusion – and I am fairly ashamed to admit it – I am extremely particular about how I plan and track my time. By any fair measurement system, “OCD” does not even come close to the planning, tracking, habit growing system I have developed over the years (based on Level 10 Life).
To give you an idea, every morning, I grab my cup of “karak” chai and note down how I spent the previous day on 70 different variables. In full red, green, yellow colors. My wife calls them “crop circles”. Then there is the weekend aggregation of the week, the weekly planning, the monthly aggregation, the monthly planning… quarterly… annually. In fact the annual dashboard is a good example of the extent of lunacy I will go to – to plan and track my time.
To give you an idea how off kilt I am on this – once my friend Avi had asked me “What do you do for spontaneity?”. Without realizing the irony, I had answered “Why, I schedule that in.”
If the first two reasons were that I simply do not do other things that people do and I am inanely particular about how I spend time, the third one is outright unflattering.
And that is I post too much. While I was thinking thru why people wonder how I get so much time, I inevitably came to the conclusion that at least part of the answer lies in that I advertise a lot. Since I write down my daily life story with pictures and description – which then gets syndicated to Facebook (and for some posts, Linkedin), it must create an impression on the audience that I am doing a lot more things than others.
I do think the variety of activities adds to that impression but I suspect many people do similarly or even more interesting things. But since they do not post their life journal, most of us do not realize that they are doing a lot of stuff too.
If you know me or even if you do not, how do you relate to my conclusions?
Have you ever read any Facebook or Linkedin post that starts “I am often asked…”? I do not know about you but my first reaction is “No, you are not!”
You are just trying to act as if you are reluctantly trying to explain something. Truth is you want to make a point. I am good with that. This is social media. You can say anything you want on this platform without having to explain why.
And I am interested in hearing your point of view – that is why I follow you – no need to show any modicum of made up humility.
I have never seen anybody write – “People often ask me why I am such an idiot or so belligerent…”. It is always “People often ask me what are my secrets to being a great leader … “ or some made up stuff like that.
Okay, what is my point?
First, I realize there are exceptions to the above.
Second, during my birthday calls – and my postings of my annual dashboards – a recurring theme in the questions I am asked has gotten me to think hard about the answer. There are parts to the answer that are unflattering to me…
But I wanted to make sure that my temerity in trying to answer the theme of the questions I am asked “How come you get so much time to do things” is well understood. I am aware that posting that question itself is crossing the lines of humility that I was talking about.
I wanted this background to explain in the next post what are the conclusions I have come to about myself (like I said, not all of it is flattering to me) about that question I get asked.
I was trying to put together the report card for last year yesterday and I realized that I might be approaching borderline OCD. And by that I mean approaching the border from the other side 🙂
Now, what I call meticulous planning and tracking of habits, goals and in general how I spend time, Sharmila and a few friends (notably Avi 🙂 ) refer to it commonly as “crop circles”. I track about 64 things everyday in those crop circle looking things – which is then aggregated weekly and then monthly and then annually with all sorts of Red, Green and Yellow colors.
I distinctly remember Avi asking me at Mazzy’s once – “So, how about spontaneity?”
I do not think my answer – “I schedule it in :-)” impressed him!!
Regardless of the good natured ribbing, I have drawn up my new tracking sheets for the new year – there are over 70 items to track this year!!
It was exactly a conversation like this way back when with Sharmila sitting at the bar at Milton’s restaurant that made me resolve to go see my parents in India every quarter.
It was originally penned by @SahilBloom in Twitter.
Thank you Raghuram Ramakrishnan for pointing me to this.
— — —
I was out for a drink with a friend. We’ll call him George. As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. At first, I gave him the standard response that we’ve all grown so accustomed to:
“I’m good. Busy!”
He stared blankly through my empty words.
Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. I had been 3,000 miles away for the last 12 years. And with the path I was on, there was no end in sight. The moment of vulnerability sparked an interaction that changed my life:
George: “How often do you see your parents?”
Me: “Maybe once a year now.”
George: “And how old are they?”
Me: “Mid-sixties.”
George: “Ok, so you’re going to see them 15 more times before they die.”
Gut punch.
I took a deep breath. It wasn’t meant to be rude—it was just…math.
If the average life expectancy is ~80 years, my parents are in their mid-60s, and I see them one time per year, the math—however depressing—says I will see them 15 more times before they are gone.
Our time together is finite, but we often fail to recognize it until it’s too late. Time is cruel. You’ll love it with all of your being—you may even pray for more of it—but time doesn’t care about you. Your relationship with time is the ultimate unrequited love.
The morning after this conversation, my wife and I had a very candid conversation about what we wanted in life. A few days later, we listed our house in California on the market, packed up our things, and shipped off to the East Coast to be closer to our parents.
It’s been over a year since the conversation that changed my life. I’ll never regret these tiny moments—of doing nothing in particular—that we’ll spend together in the years ahead. I’ll never regret the moments my parents get to spend with my son. I’ll never regret any of it.
My friend @waitbutwhy wrote about this “Parent Time” phenomenon in a recent New York Times op-ed. In classic fashion, he produced a striking visualization to capture the sentiment.
It brings one takeaway to life: Our time with our loved ones is so limited and precious. All of this math—depressing as it seems—should be a call to arms.
Identify the people and activities you care most deeply about. Prioritize them ruthlessly. It may be difficult—even painful—but it’s a decision you’ll never regret.
We spend most of our lives playing a game:
Everything we do is in anticipation of the future. When that future comes, we simply reset to the next one.
“I can’t wait until I’m 18 so I can [X].”
“I can’t wait until I’m 25 so I can [Y].”
“I can’t wait until I’m 45 so I can [Z].”
It’s natural, but it’s a dangerous game—one that we will lose, eventually. Time is our most precious asset and the present is all that’s guaranteed. Spend it wisely, with those you love, in ways you’ll never regret.
Always remember the famous song by Guy Lombardo:
Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think.
Enjoy yourself, while you’re still in the pink.
The years go by, as quickly as a wink.
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think.
— — —
First time in Birmingham, AL. The evening was spent with Dr. Lakin from Univ. of Alabama mostly discussing how our brains learn and business models around how to help teachers. One of the more absorbing discussions was around “fluid” learning versus “crystallized” learning. I, personally, leaned more towards emphasizing fluid learning versus crystalized. Only because most domains in the world are changing fast enough that value of experience is waning (in my view).
Dr. Lakin’s counter example was “Who would you rather do surgery on your child – an experienced doctor who is done it a thousand times in the last 15 years or a younger doctor who has done it 10 times in the last year?” That question becomes more complicated when you add in another variable though. What if you are told that technology and the science (that is taught in medical schools) has undergone quite some advances in the last five years? Then, who would you rather do the surgery?
But of all the things I learnt, the one that blew my mind was the following. I am not sure how our discussions went to this but we were talking of demographic distributions. The question that I completely got wrong was “What percentage of the population in Alabama is black? How about Mississippi? Louisiana? Georgia? Birmingham? Atlanta?”. I was completely off on all of them! The stat on Birmingham blew my mind away! Guess those numbers and then Google them up. How close were you?
I have been reading this book on Morality and how that explains the religious divide and the political divide. An interesting fact I picked up is the origin of “Left” and “Right” (in the context of political leanings).
Do you know where it comes from?
Turns out the root of this goes back to the French Revolution in 1789. The members of the French Assembly found themselves divided in their support for the revolution (against monarchy) and against (for the King). To avoid up close and personal fracas, the ones that favored change sat on the left of the chamber and the ones that favored preservation sat on the right. The terms “left” and “right” have stood for liberalism and conservatism ever since!
In a bit of irony, the “left” then were called “Republicans” (they wanted a republic over a monarchy)
Learnt something early this morning.
