This is a very funny take on everyday life in India. Comparing it with that of Germany….

This is outrageously funny. I had never heard of him before. Now I have to check him out..

Very very funny. Got this from a friend. It is in Bengali but it explains why Columbus would have never discovered America, if he was married…

‘I did some bad stuff. Rama did what he did’: an exclusive with Ravan

This is outrageously funny. Check out the small kid…

HILARIOUS!!!! Got this from my good friend Chris Stein.

This one is for my Bengali Friends (of course the ones who can actually read Bengali script – which dramatically reduces the sample size 🙂 )

“I will give you a missed call”

Here is another interesting tidbit from our India trip. First, everybody and his mother has a cellphone in India. I kid you not when I say that the porter (usually called “coolie” in Northern India) I used at Durgapur station flashed a cell phone. My guess of an average porter’s daily income is about $2 !!

However, what got my attention was some of the unique lingo in the cellphone culture in India. The most prevalent one is probably “Ekta missed call diye debo” (translated from my mother tongue – it means “I will give you a missed call”). You can understand my state of confusion in trying to find out how the heck is anybody going to give me a “missed” call? Don’t I decide whether the call was missed or not? 🙂 What if I pick up the phone when the call comes in? 🙂 How does he give me a missed call now?

Well, after some enquiring I found out that essentially this is a protocol to confirm a previously agreed upon event without paying the cellphone company. So, if I tell you that after I reach Calcutta safely, I will give you a missed call – it means upon reaching Calcutta safely, I will call you and wait for the phone to ring once and then cut it off. You don’t pick it up till it keeps ringing which presumably means I need to talk to you!!!

All this is designed to not pay the cellphone company (in India the caller pays but the receiver does not) for the call. And of course avoid the unpleasantness of actually talking to me 🙂 (who has all that time in India? 🙂 )

Maybe that is how the porters are affording their cellphones !!!!

Rajib

New Element called “Governmentium”

This is very funny. Have you ever looked up “Governmentium” in Wikipedia? This is the entry that you will get…

Govermentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Free Bacteria – courtesy Indian Railways

We just came back from a great 3 week vacation in India. The kids had a blast and so did Sharmila and I. There were some memorable moments in the trip – I will try to capture some of them here.

On our way back from our home town Durgapur to Calcutta, we traveled by Shatabdi express – which is one of the most premier express trains. If you did not know this, India is the country with the maximum amount of railroads in the world. It is the primary mass transit mechanism. If all the railroads in India were laid end to end, you would reach the moon and come back quite a few times. Indian Railways has 1.6 million employees!! Talk of corporate complexity. Due to the size, Indian railways prepares and presents a separate budget a day earlier than the budget for the rest of the stuff in India!!!

Anyways, back to the story – so, we were traveling First Class AC (you will be surprised what a strengthened dollar can help you do 🙂 ) And half way thru, we were offered “premium dinner”. Usually, I avoid all outside food in India – but this once I decided to try. I opened the tray and the first “welcome note” that greeted me had me guffawing out loud. See the picture below!!

Not only does the bacteria come free and clear, it is ready for use too!!! 🙂 🙂

For the curious, Sharmila had an upset stomach for three days after eating the meal. Talk about truth in advertising!!

Rajib