31 August 2014

His last Sunday Chalu-pa meeting

After going for a walk with the Chalu-pa runners every Sunday for a few months before he broke his hip, my father-in-law finally arrived at the last Sunday before he leaves for India. I skipped my run so that I could take him to join the rest of the Chalu-pa group for the customary coffee after run. He walked in hobbling with his stick just as the rest of the group settled down after the run… Was a good last Sunday “adda”!

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29 August 2014

Paper beats scissors!!

Surgery can heal your broken bones. But the bureaucracy of filling forms can completely pulverize you. Now that my father-in-law is hobbling around with his stick, I started thinking about what paperwork he might need to carry to see if he can get any of the medical expenses reimbursed in India (he is traveling with medical insurance for foreign trip).

My brother in law promptly sent me a boat load of paperwork. I read a few of them and then looked at some of the information they are asking for. It will be interesting to see how I can even get all those paperwork. Forget convincing the hospital to give me all the detail procedural paperwork – HIPAA be danged – just the forms to be filled up is going to be challenging… if I can suppress my smile at the ridiculousness of some of the fields, that is.

A case in point. Look at the picture below. One of the forms requires the doctor to fill up and sign off on certain information. Even if I manage to explain to him what a Taluka is or why Fax is a mandatory instrument for a patient to have, how do I explain after checking off on “Mr” or “Mrs”, why you have to re-clarify whether you are a male or a female? 🙂

This is going to be a lot of fun!!!

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29 August 2014

Cheers!!

After a tough week on the road, after I came back today, I got a chance to take my inlaws and Sharmila out. The best news of the day was that my father-in-law, who is a lot more reassured of himself when I am around rather than when he is surrounded by four ladies in the house (his words, not mine :-)) gained enough confidence to give up on his wheelchair and walker and managed to go around with just a walking stick!!

My mother in law was so happy to see this improvement that she finally gave in to my pleadings to have a drink with us. Well, she kind of overachieved by having two drinks!!! Wait till all her relatives back in India hear about this 🙂

You can see my in-laws here going for bottoms up!! By the way, that Gandhian haircut my father in law is sporting now? You can thank yours truly for that. Although, I think Sharmila has thrown my old clippers after that hair cutting episode. I can’t seem to find them anywhere anymore. Not that I have any real use for them myself 🙂

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23 August 2014

Sometimes the simple idea is the best idea

Ever since my inlaws have visited us, I have been always thinking of where else can we take them to visit. You always want to show the best of your country to visitors from other countries. They were awe-struck by Niagara Falls, totally mesmerized by seeing the Atlantic Ocean in Hilton Head and so on. Now that my father-in-law’s movement is highly restricted, I have been at my wit’s end where to take them.

Today, I realized how they are totally happy with the simplest of things and simplest of places. After trying a few parks by the River Chattahoochee and finding them to be too crowded and not enough shade, I just took them to a familiar place of mine. It is actually a pretty nondescript spot – it is by the river alright, and there are a couple of parking spots too. But it is right under the highway 400 and nobody is there other than the occasional runner or canoeist. And that is why I know that place. I have often started my runs from there.

But they thought that was the best place in the whole world. They sat in the shade that the overhead highway gave and gazed into the river on either side for what seemed to me like an endless period (it was a couple of hours) completely oblivious of the cars and trucks roaring by just a few yards above their heads. I caught them often talking to themselves and once in a while to each other. They even compared the sights to some places in India they had visited way way back before they had any kids.

I just watched them and took as many pictures as I could. My favorite is the black and white on the right top corner.

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16 August 2014

The difficult, we do today. The impossible, will take a little more time.

It was Friday evening. Designated day to go out for a drink with my FIL. There was one problem though. He was barely five days and change into his surgery to fix his broken hip. In those five days, he had already gotten himself to got up and walk with a walker. A walker is not ideal for long distances. No problem. A few Google searches and phone calls later, I was back home with a rented wheelchair.

Over all protestations of my mother in law, very soon, Sharmila and myself were at our favorite Indian bar with the inlaws. We sat outside and had a delightful time. Presently Amitesh, Anusuya, Mrinalda and Seemitadi joined us to make it a perfect octet.

After a wonderful evening together, we came back home. Then I asked my FIL – “Dekhun, gelen boley koto bhalo laaglo” (See, it was a good thing you went. You had such a great time). He had a memorable response. “Bhalo laga? Amar to mon kharap hoye gelo seshe. Eder moton bhaari shundor shundor lok desh-e giye kothay paabo?” (Had a great time? I am feeling really sad now. Where am I going to get such wonderful people – referring to our guests for the evening – when I go back home?)

Like his guests, I am amazed that barely five days after a hip surgery he is out and about and sipping wine with the rest of us sitting outside a bar….

Seems like he truly lives up to what my good friend Larry Mason had advised me once – “The difficult, we do today. The impossible, will take a little more time”!

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11 August 2014

And that wonderful thing called Love.

For about two days, my mother in law has been a mere spectator as events overtook her. Her husband fell down, broke his hip, got operated on, recovered and came back home. All she did was rely on us to give updates (in fact, she did not even realize about the surgery till it was done).

You could see that she felt helpless to help her husband, but she knew that he was being helped by people who could help him better than her. So, she would try to be helpful to them, if she could. Even when we came home, my father in law did not retire with her in their room; instead came out and drank with me. Finally, he was tired enough that he agreed to use the walker to shuffle to his bedroom and sleep.

My mother in law first made sure that I finished my lunch (Sharmila was out doing all the weekday stuff you do with the kids) and then quietly retired to her room. Of course, her next love is Zee Bangla – or whatever popular Bengali TV shows are on – on any steaming website.

I was trying to spend time to myself and then when I had to go inside the house to refill my drink, I went to check on my father in law. And I glimpsed this picture from a distance on their headboard mirror. My father in law – sound asleep. And my mother in law close to him as if protecting him from everybody else in this foreign country while watching her favorite Indian channel on her iPad resting against my father in law.

Realizing the essential privacy of the moment, I anyways went ahead and captured it on my phone. And waited to get a minute with my mother in law later and asked if it was okay for me to make the picture public. Else, I was going to delete it. She was a little amused by my question. She was like “Why would I want privacy if I kept the door open?”. And I was like “I don’t know. This country is all about privacy … Or something like that “.

In any case, that was an intense moment of togetherness, I thought. She finally got him to herself after his terrible fall. And she did not want to disturb him. Just be with him without anybody else… I retraced my path quietly and sat down with my next drink..

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11 August 2014

The epitome of zest for life that is my father in law…

He completed 50 yards – that is the distance from our barbecue to his bedroom in 40 hours!!! Of course that route took a detour through the emergency room and the operating theater in our nearest hospital!!!

So, this is how the story has unfolded so far. The pictures go row by row chronologically…

On Saturday, at about 8PM, my father in law went to the barbecue to get some corn done. He saw a King snake inside, tried to back out and in the process tripped over his own shoe. Fell down and just could not move. A few minutes later, the fire engine and ambulance showed up. The first picture shows the EMS folks putting him in the ambulance.

The second picture shows him in the Emergency room. Went thru all sorts of CAT scans and XRays and by 10PM, it was concluded that he did not hit his head but he did break his hip. He took the news stoically and asked that my mother in law be not told of this till they had finished operating on him.

The nurse came and said “Your dad is very strong. For a guy who has broken a hip, he sustained the pain of turning to take a X-Ray better than anybody I have seen in my life”. I merely pointed out that he really is not my dad, instead, my father in law.

The next picture shows him waiting to go into the Operating Room at 8 AM next morning. That was the couple of hours I did not get to see him. The next time I saw him, which is the next picture, is when he was back in the hospital room, resting.

As the next picture shows, he had regained consciousness by 12 noon and was already eating food and eager to get back on his feet. The doctor admired his mental strength but asked him to take it easy for a day. Well, he did get a physiotherapist come and see him who was willing to let him try standing up – which he did and then he shuffled his legs to move forward too. The physiotherapist later told me that he had never seen anybody bounce back this quickly after a hip surgery at the age of 80!

Totally pleased with himself, he started reading local newspapers as you see in the next picture and asked me not to stay in the hospital that night. The next morning, early as a lark, I showed up with his Indian tea that Sharmila had made for him and the first thing he wanted to know was when could he try walking!!!

As the next couple of pictures show, within 24 hours of a hip surgery, he convinced the hospital staff to let him walk with a walker and also climb up the stairs today. The lady helping him climb up the stairs, simply told me “I am glad. But he scares me!!”

The next picture shows him at about 10AM, he is all dressed up and ready to go home. The surgeon came and plainly confided, “I can’t believe I am doing this … but your father in law is good to go home”. The hospitalitist (yes, there is such a person), concurred.

I am going to spare you all the details of struggling to walk or get up in a car with one hip bone surgically operated upon and inserted with a titanium rod a six inch screw a few hours back,… but let me tell you, once he came home, he certainly did not shuffle to his bed. He dragged himself straight to the kitchen porch (see last picture), sat down with his walker and walking cane on his side, took one sip of the ice wine he loves, grinned from ear to ear and said “We have to find out how the snake got into the barbecue in the first place”.

And as I clinked my glass of Meiomi Pinot Noir against his glass of ice wine, I could not help realize the difference between my dad who has lost total zest for life and my father in law – a clear five years elder, 80 year old – who picked up his life exactly where he left it 40 hours and a broken hip bone before.

There is little doubt that I will fall down in my life many many times like he has…. That is not the point…. The point is….

I just want to get up like he did….

Every….Single….Time…

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2 August 2014

Wish every weekend evening was like this..

Another hectic week. Another weekend. If I had my way, every weekend would be like this. Sitting outside with all the necessary ingredients – Sharmila, her parents, Pinot Noir, the citronella lamps, the camera and iPhone to capture the moments and songs from the iPhone. As you can see from the last picture , everybody listened to songs well into the night….

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