16 May 2014

FIL-MIL Mehfil

The inlaws have been awake for most of the night. They have been watching NDTV on iPad following the Indian election results.

This morning at 7 am, they were still crouched against the iPad. And were constantly discussing something. So, I made coffee for all of us and came and sat down with them. Following their conversations, I realized something. They had very little real interest in the grand spectacle of the world’s largest democracy’s seminal moment of change of guard!

All they cared about is “What is happening to Didi’s party”? Didi, for the West Bengal (or for that matter any Bengal)-y challenged, is the affectionate name for Mamata Banerjee – the Chief Minister of West Bengal. Who, not unlike what is happening in India today, came to power two and a half years back after uprooting a party that was in power in West Bengal for multiple decades.

So, I asked them how much they cared about Congress versus BJP versus AAP at the Center. My father in law at least tried to show some interest – “Kono party onek din thaka bhalo na” (**nobody should be in power for too long**). My mother in law, in a perfect tribute to the old adage “all politics is local”, completely brushed me off – “taatey aamar ki eshe gelo” (**what is that to me?**) πŸ™‚

As they kept discussing “Didi’s party”, I also realized something else. A lot of Bengali singers and actors have stood for elections this year. I had no idea that Bappi Lahiri (think of him as the Bengali version of Chris Christie with far more skills in copying other people’s tunes), Babul Supriyo, Munmun Sen, Soumitro Roy, Sandya Roy and such are political figures now. No wonder there is so much drama in West Bengal politics!

Since my mother in law would not pay any attention to me, I decided to push my luck. “Mamata-di ki korechhe aaj porjonto? Opposition-e chellano aar desh chalano alaada bepar”. Now, before I translate this, let me tell you – I have nary an idea about what is going on in West Bengal. I certainly cannot name you one more politician in West Bengal other than Didi. Armed with that near total ignorance, I took a potshot “What has she done till today? Shouting at the top of your voice while in Opposition is very different from running a country”.

My father in law knew me all too well. He just smiled and refused to take the bait. My mother in law? Not so much!! Like the normally docile garden snake that our lawn mower guy spotted and cornered on our street a couple of days back hissed and fought back in defense, my mother in law immediately raised her hood errr…. head and hit back. “Tomra sobjanta to”. (basically calling me know-all).

Then for the next twenty minutes I got a lecture on all the misdeeds of the previous government that held absolute power for multiple decades and how they had completely corrupted the system. And how it took somebody like Didi to fight back and “throw them into the Bay of Bengal”. “Ki sahos dekh onar” (**what courage she has**)

Which is interesting. For all the courage of Mamata-di she was projecting, my mother in law – who, in a rich irony, has the same name Mamata – has been cooped up inside our house for two days straight because of reports of a garden snake that our lawn mower guy spotted on our street πŸ™‚

Second cup of coffee, anyone? πŸ™‚

15 May 2014

FIL-MIL Mehfil

Today, Sharmila took my inlaws to the ultimate Mecca for all Indians who come to this country – that sanctum sanctorum that has to be paid its due visit if you are worth any Indian gene you might have. And no, I am not talking about Niagara Falls – that place is so overrun with Indians that I am sure they have declared it some kind of Union Territory of India or something. I am talking about our good old neighborhood COSTCO!!!

One round of walk up and down a couple of Costco aisles and my mother in law promptly canceled her evening walk for the day!!!! πŸ™‚ She was devastated by the fact that you cannot buy one or two items – you have to buy twenty packets at a time (or so it seems to me).

But she was certainly pleased to be not the only person wearing a saree among a crowd!!!

13 May 2014

Brought to you by Roy-ters News

Did you hear about the guy chanting “I am God” and trying to ram a Maryland TV station?

This was always a pious Christian’s worst nightmare scenario. One day, God was bound to see Alec Baldwin in those cycling shorts biking the wrong way on New York streets and say to Himself “This is it. I cannot take this anymore. I have to atone for their sins. Let me pack my gun and bring out my dump truck. I am going to destroy the world. But I will start small. You know a TV station first. Yeah! I know, I will start with the Baltimore TV station first and then work my way up”

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/05/13/baltimore-barricade-truck-rams/9038873/

Category: Humor | LEAVE A COMMENT
13 May 2014

FIL-MIL Mehfil (Bengali alert)

Getting my mother in law introduced to touchscreen is an awesome experience. A few days back, one of our friends had downloaded the YuppTV app on an iPad at our home and shown them how to watch streaming Bengali channels on it.

The whole concept of touching a sophisticated machinery like iPad is proving to be very scary to my MIL. This evening I came home and was a little surprised that she was not watching TV shows on iPad (she does that for endless hours).

“ki holo? Aaj TV dekchhen na?” (What happened? Not watching tv tonight?).
She was really scared and upset when she said “ami bodh hoy ota noshto korey felechhi” (I thinking I messed up the iPad)

“Maaney?”, I asked. (What is that supposed to mean?)
“Amar hath thekey ektu sorey gechhilo. Screen to puro bhenge bnekey gelo”. She thought when the iPad screen turned around (I assume she had tilted it), the physical screen came unhinged and got twisted!!!! πŸ™‚

Half an hour later, I was again in the living room. This time saw her poring into the iPad but I could see that she was on the main screen. I asked her what happened. Why was she not watching something?

“Norchhe”, she said. (Things are moving)
I was like what do you mean “Norchhe”? Upon investigation found out that all the app icons were jiggling!! I assume she kept her finger on the YuppTV app for too long.

Anyways, I laughed out and told her next time to ask anyone of us to help her.

And I noticed that she had a lot of apps open. Obviously, she had tried a few more things before she got them to jiggle πŸ™‚ I asked her to hang on and started to kill the apps one after the other. She watched me as I flicked the apps off the screen and then got her show started.

She helplessly looked at me and said “Thheley diley sorey jachhe e abar ki re baba” πŸ™‚ (It moves when you push it, what kind of a thing is this?)

I am having second thoughts of gifting them an iPad before they leave for India!!

13 May 2014

Now we know why we test human stuff on mice first

I knew something was afoul when Sharmila said she smelt a rat. I had spotted a garden rat recently in the garage – which is a rarity for us since there is virtually nothing on the garage floor for them to hide behind. (All the stuff is inside the cabinets that are clear two feet above). The one that I had seen was actually moving around furtively around the ladder!!

Next day, I put in a few rat poisons near the entrance of the garage and evidently succeeded in two days flat. The problem is there was no telling where the dead rat was. Finally, I had to resort to those immigration and customs dog-like sniffing to figure out that the stink was wafting from behind the refrigerator.

Okay, I thought, no issues. Pushed the refrigerator out a few feet and found to my dismay that there was nothing – other than unseemly dust. It took me some time to realize that the stink was coming from inside the contraptions behind the fridge.

The next one and a half hours was a sight. The rat had certainly extracted its revenge on human beings. There was my wife in the front of the fridge pivoting it to the ground, my father in law pushing from behind to tip it forward and me on the ground trying to wedge the fridge with the stink coming straight at me.

Finally opened up the back panel and that dratted rat had firmly wedged itself behind the fan before dying! There was no way of reaching it. So, two sets of gloves, multiple screwdrivers, hammer, wrenches and miscellaneous other tools later, the rat was pulled out in the open! Somehow my wife and my FIL had a lot of work to run to precisely at the moment I pulled out the dead half rotten rat.

The joy of a job well done was completely marred by the intricacies of putting everything back together. Somehow, things come out pretty quick. They are just too stubborn to go back in. Took me fifteen minutes to position the fan and the initial two screws together.

Finally, when I had triumphantly put everything back together, I noticed that together with my tools, I had a couple of screws to spare!!! I was NOT going to open it up again. Just powered it up and it seemed to work. So, I left it there.

Richer by a dead rat and two screws, I could not but chuckle at the irony of three human beings having to put their intellectual might just to outwit a dead rat!!!!

Reminded me of an old Ogden Nash poem about how hunters make duck noise to attract ducks…

The Hunter
—————–
The hunter crouches in his blind
‘Neath camouflage of every kind
And conjures up a quacking noise
To lend allure to his decoys
This grown-up man, with pluck and luck
is hoping to outwit a duck