Over the years, if there is one thing I have changed a lot on, it probably is this – how close I choose to become with my direct reports on the personal front. If you know me, you probably know that I am one of those gregarious persons who loves to talk and have been accused of fairly capable of listening to the interests of the other party. My personal Rolodex of about 10,000 people that I carry with me (about 2,000 of them get birthday wishes from me – handwritten emails – none of the automated ecards etc) is a reasonably good testimony to how quickly I can make friends.

For most of the early part of my career, I built great personal relationships with my direct reports. Our families would be close and we would share a lot of social events together. I have seen that model work for a lot of people too. In fact, I have observed how one of the CEOs that I admire a lot takes time over the weekend often to golf or hunt or what have you with his direct reports and sometimes with people deeper in the organization. I have no doubt in my mind that this has resulted in not only a great rapport but also a deep commitment from the people. In fact, most people that I know who still report to the CEO have the greatest loyalty.

However, for me, I had a change of heart probably sometime 7 or 8 years back. While it was great to know that we were a committed team, I started getting severe doubts on inherent human weakness of letting liking or not liking shrouding professional judgment of a person. I take great pride in my ability to differentiate these two. But I started reminding myself that I would be fooling myself if I thought I was above being human.  I also started thinking hard about whether this style of leadership might give rise to too much of  “conformance”. As a side story, I had an almost instinctive reaction to this from that time – anybody who has worked with me for the last 7-8 years will agree on one thing – I impulsively take the opposing view – regardless of what the arguer’s view is. (It has stood me in good stead – but that is a story of another day).

I remember having read a book around that time – cannot recollect the name – about true leaders looking for “performance, not conformance”.

And that is when I started the process of slowly weaning myself away from getting too close to my new direct reports on a personal front. It is very difficult for me to tell you – without running a control experiment whether I am better off or not. But I can tell you that I feel very comfortable that I have stonewalled some amount of the human fallacies. Of course, on the personal front, I missed getting to know some really great human beings closely. And as the 10,000 Rolodex entries shows you, personal relationships far outlive professional relationships.

Have you ever faced this conundrum? If so, what did you do? And why?

Rajib

This evening I got this email from an old colleague of mine who lost his job. The reason he wrote the email was to tell his old friends that he was able to get a great job – even in these tough times – and he is having a great time – professionally and personally.

That was a great story. Something most of us can relate to. We don’t like to get outside our zone of comfort. And yet, when we get kicked out of it, we often find that we can do even better in the new circumstances.

We build our zones of comfort and like staying there because that is where we can drive most value – or so we perceive. We believe we are an expert and have experience in that area. But above all, we hate change. There is nothing like getting “settled down” that makes us feel that we “know what we are doing”. (BTW, as an aside, we all believe that we personally love change – it is just that everybody else in the world hates changes).

I am sure you can think of a few cases in your life when you got pushed out of that zone – suddenly and definitely not following your calendar. And most of the time you look back and say – Wow, that was the best thing ever happened to me. I learnt lot more. I now understand lot more. No doubt, when the change happened we felt very uncomfortable, to say the least.

Of course, we do not want the environment to create the changes for us always. The trick is how do we incrementally but surely, keep pushing ourselves outside our zone of comfort? So as not to let us settle down. So as to make sure we are learning continuously and adapting to the environment. So as to keep our reflexes and judgment as sharp as ever.

I suspect it is tougher than it sounds. But I guess the best leaders make a practice of pushing themselves beyond their current “boxes” – so to speak.

Rajib

This evening I got this email from an old colleague of mine who lost his job. The reason he wrote the email was to tell his old friends that he was able to get a great job – even in these tough times – and he is having a great time – professionally and personally.

That was a great story. Something most of us can relate to. We don’t like to get outside our zone of comfort. And yet, when we get kicked out of it, we often find that we can do even better in the new circumstances.

We build our zones of comfort and like staying there because that is where we can drive most value – or so we perceive. We believe we are an expert and have experience in that area. But above all, we hate change. There is nothing like getting “settled down” that makes us feel that we “know what we are doing”. (BTW, as an aside, we all believe that we personally love change – it is just that everybody else in the world hates changes).

I am sure you can think of a few cases in your life when you got pushed out of that zone – suddenly and definitely not following your calendar. And most of the time you look back and say – Wow, that was the best thing ever happened to me. I learnt lot more. I now understand lot more. No doubt, when the change happened we felt very uncomfortable, to say the least.

Of course, we do not want the environment to create the changes for us always. The trick is how do we incrementally but surely, keep pushing ourselves outside our zone of comfort? So as not to let us settle down. So as to make sure we are learning continuously and adapting to the environment. So as to keep our reflexes and judgment as sharp as ever.

I suspect it is tougher than it sounds. But I guess the best leaders make a practice of pushing themselves beyond their current “boxes” – so to speak.

Rajib