13 May 2014

Brought to you by Roy-ters News

Did you hear about the guy chanting “I am God” and trying to ram a Maryland TV station?

This was always a pious Christian’s worst nightmare scenario. One day, God was bound to see Alec Baldwin in those cycling shorts biking the wrong way on New York streets and say to Himself “This is it. I cannot take this anymore. I have to atone for their sins. Let me pack my gun and bring out my dump truck. I am going to destroy the world. But I will start small. You know a TV station first. Yeah! I know, I will start with the Baltimore TV station first and then work my way up”

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/05/13/baltimore-barricade-truck-rams/9038873/

Category: Humor | LEAVE A COMMENT
13 May 2014

FIL-MIL Mehfil (Bengali alert)

Getting my mother in law introduced to touchscreen is an awesome experience. A few days back, one of our friends had downloaded the YuppTV app on an iPad at our home and shown them how to watch streaming Bengali channels on it.

The whole concept of touching a sophisticated machinery like iPad is proving to be very scary to my MIL. This evening I came home and was a little surprised that she was not watching TV shows on iPad (she does that for endless hours).

“ki holo? Aaj TV dekchhen na?” (What happened? Not watching tv tonight?).
She was really scared and upset when she said “ami bodh hoy ota noshto korey felechhi” (I thinking I messed up the iPad)

“Maaney?”, I asked. (What is that supposed to mean?)
“Amar hath thekey ektu sorey gechhilo. Screen to puro bhenge bnekey gelo”. She thought when the iPad screen turned around (I assume she had tilted it), the physical screen came unhinged and got twisted!!!! 🙂

Half an hour later, I was again in the living room. This time saw her poring into the iPad but I could see that she was on the main screen. I asked her what happened. Why was she not watching something?

“Norchhe”, she said. (Things are moving)
I was like what do you mean “Norchhe”? Upon investigation found out that all the app icons were jiggling!! I assume she kept her finger on the YuppTV app for too long.

Anyways, I laughed out and told her next time to ask anyone of us to help her.

And I noticed that she had a lot of apps open. Obviously, she had tried a few more things before she got them to jiggle 🙂 I asked her to hang on and started to kill the apps one after the other. She watched me as I flicked the apps off the screen and then got her show started.

She helplessly looked at me and said “Thheley diley sorey jachhe e abar ki re baba” 🙂 (It moves when you push it, what kind of a thing is this?)

I am having second thoughts of gifting them an iPad before they leave for India!!

13 May 2014

Now we know why we test human stuff on mice first

I knew something was afoul when Sharmila said she smelt a rat. I had spotted a garden rat recently in the garage – which is a rarity for us since there is virtually nothing on the garage floor for them to hide behind. (All the stuff is inside the cabinets that are clear two feet above). The one that I had seen was actually moving around furtively around the ladder!!

Next day, I put in a few rat poisons near the entrance of the garage and evidently succeeded in two days flat. The problem is there was no telling where the dead rat was. Finally, I had to resort to those immigration and customs dog-like sniffing to figure out that the stink was wafting from behind the refrigerator.

Okay, I thought, no issues. Pushed the refrigerator out a few feet and found to my dismay that there was nothing – other than unseemly dust. It took me some time to realize that the stink was coming from inside the contraptions behind the fridge.

The next one and a half hours was a sight. The rat had certainly extracted its revenge on human beings. There was my wife in the front of the fridge pivoting it to the ground, my father in law pushing from behind to tip it forward and me on the ground trying to wedge the fridge with the stink coming straight at me.

Finally opened up the back panel and that dratted rat had firmly wedged itself behind the fan before dying! There was no way of reaching it. So, two sets of gloves, multiple screwdrivers, hammer, wrenches and miscellaneous other tools later, the rat was pulled out in the open! Somehow my wife and my FIL had a lot of work to run to precisely at the moment I pulled out the dead half rotten rat.

The joy of a job well done was completely marred by the intricacies of putting everything back together. Somehow, things come out pretty quick. They are just too stubborn to go back in. Took me fifteen minutes to position the fan and the initial two screws together.

Finally, when I had triumphantly put everything back together, I noticed that together with my tools, I had a couple of screws to spare!!! I was NOT going to open it up again. Just powered it up and it seemed to work. So, I left it there.

Richer by a dead rat and two screws, I could not but chuckle at the irony of three human beings having to put their intellectual might just to outwit a dead rat!!!!

Reminded me of an old Ogden Nash poem about how hunters make duck noise to attract ducks…

The Hunter
—————–
The hunter crouches in his blind
‘Neath camouflage of every kind
And conjures up a quacking noise
To lend allure to his decoys
This grown-up man, with pluck and luck
is hoping to outwit a duck