After reaching my mother-in-law’s house, I had called up my brother-in-law and let him know that I was with her. He, in his turn, decided to come over to Durgapur too. Five hours later, he was there. I went back to their place in the evening. With a bottle of wine and some dinner that I had picked up from one of the restaurants.

Well, my mother-in-law did not partake of any of the wine but you would not have realized that given the amount she was laughing. What was remarkable was that my brother in law mentioned that that was the first time he had noticed her laughing like that after losing her husband.

Tried my best to take a couple of pictures of her laughing without making her too conscious about it. This was the best that I could do…

Every family has one of these guys. The ultimate go-to guy. For us, it is my maternal uncle (mother’s only brother). Long time back, my father had helped him get a job in the same company he used to work in and had moved him to Durgapur.

Ever since, he is a permanent feature in our lives. Always the person we turned to when we needed help. I needed to be rushed to the hospital after being felled by typhoid? He was the one who took me. While his wife was having a baby at the same time in the same hospital!

Rushing my dad to Kolkata by train when we almost lost him to sodium deficiency? Again, my uncle was the guy! A total rock solid stand up kind of person. Our family – I suspect like many others – are filled with emotional decision makers with a particular penchant for the drama. Not this guy. It used be fun growing up watching him articulate very logically constructed, see-from-both-sides arguments to any decision making that was at hand.

It has never been the case that I was in Durgapur and I did not visit him. However, over the years, most of the time was spent catching up with my cousins (his three kids) and then when the nephews and nieces started happening, playing with them. Last ten years or so, I have spent most all of my visit time with his youngest grandkid – who is one ball of energy.

Yesterday was different. Nobody was home. My cousin and his family was out for the day. I spotted my uncle walking down the street as I entered. I asked my driver to drop me there and started walking along with my uncle.

We came back home and chatted for another hour. It was the first time after a long long time, I got one on one time with him. It was a great throwback to those years about four decades back. Those logically constructed arguments, that ability to see everything from both sides of a position – everything is still there! Best part was catching up on our common memories of my grandfather and grandmother.

I hope to get many more opportunities in the future…

During my trips to India to check on my parents, a must-do is to swing by Durgapur (about three hours of drive from my parents’ place) for a day. Usually, my father in law would enquire about the folks he met when he visited us in the USA and about the various things he saw in our house. (The pool was his favorite). My mother in law and I would, in general, keep arguing about why I was not eating all sorts of food she would have had prepared and sticking to my routine of a cup of tea.

This was the first time I was visiting her after my father in law passed away a few months back. It was a wee bit strange to me to enter the house knowing that he is not there. I was also not sure where my mother in law’s mental state was.

Last month when Sharmila came to check on her, one of her relatives had mentioned about the blogpost I had written about my father in law. My mother in law consumes her digital devices only in a minimum 31 inch screen size (her constant companion – the TV) but when it comes to a phone or Facebook, she is totally a reluctant neophyte. She had asked if somebody could read out the blog to her some time.

This time before I left home, I had collected about twenty of my blogs with my father in law’s pictures in them and printed them out for her.

As you can see from the picture here, she pored over the articles and read them slowly and painstakingly. The article she is reading here IS the one that the relative had mentioned. The story was about me meeting my father in law’s American manager (Charlie from TVA) when he had just entered job life.

My mother in law would read one line at a time and then lament that my father in law would have been so happy to hear that I had met Charlie or she would ask me all sorts of questions about Charlie (how old is he? is he tall?). I did not let her on to anything.

That slow reading and continuous interruptions continued for a good half an hour. Then it stopped as she started reading up the end of it. Finally, she finished it and looked at me. She realized it was just a dream.

You could see she was choking up too much fighting her tears to say anything.

I sat there quietly.

Five minutes or so later, she got up and quietly said “Lekhata khub bhalo hoyechhe”. (She liked the writeup)

… he came down to say Good Bye to me. (albeit temporarily – I will be back in a few days). On this day last year, he was surrounded by all his grandkids. None of us were even sure what future had written for him. Having suffered a debilitating brain stroke, he lost his right side to paralysis and cognitive abilities to the ether.

From there, he has fought back hard. Physically, he can get up and walk with a walker. Even come down to say Good Bye. That was unthinkable a year back.

His memory and cognitive power is not fully back but enough for him to function.

I work at hospices every week. This would be considered a miracle turnaround there.

Last year, this was the same guy who used to yell thru the night and it would take four of us to keep him from hurting himself thru the night. That was just twelve months back!!! We had all sorts of doom’s day scenarios conjured up. This is not the scenario we had even thought of!!!

Suddenly, saying Good Bye is no more a painful thing. It is a sheer delight that he can even say Good Bye!!

… without the youngest member – the quietest one and the one who does all the heavy lifting for the family.
Chiradeep Roy, you were missed this trip.
Then again, when your professional life takes precedence over your family life – I guess that is called “prospering” in life.

When I am in Kalyani, I rarely get a chance to have a lot of time solely with my brother in law. First, more often than not, my brother is with us. As is my sister. This time though, my brother is away in Delhi for work and my sister is down with back spasms.

That gave me a rare opportunity to get some quality time with my brother in law. He is a rock solid support for my dad. My dad gets to see him everyday. Add to that the fact that he is a doctor. For my dad, he is the son that he has grown to rely on every single day.

Spent a lot of time talking to him this time. Over a lot of fluids. If it was daytime, it was over tea. If after sunset, it was over some sort of liquid which had OH molecules!! While not much of an alcohol drinker, Asok kept up with his usual habit of giving us company while drinking. Usually a spoonful of alcohol with three bottles of soda and some sugar to boot… but he insists on giving company.

He is fun to have around…

Also, very handy. Every time I go to a medical store, I introduce myself as Dr. Asok’s brother in law. I am immediately pulled to the front of the queue and also then given a 10% discount!!!

Every year, during my December trip, I give him a calendar. It usually has pictures of Sharmila, Natasha, Nikita and myself. Many of those pictures are taken from our different trips that year and some memorable events of the year for us.

He waits for that calendar every year and pores thru each and every picture and usually has a lot of questions. He then puts it up on the wall and every month flips the page to see the new pictures.

I also put in every family members’ birthdays in the calendar. He never bothers about that part 🙂

He has surrounded himself with all sorts of religious books. There is the Upanishad, Bhagwad Gita, Bible, books on Ramakrishna, Saroda Ma… and inexplicably – perhaps to drive the messages home? – a HAMMER!!! 🙂

Made friends with some random senior folks!!!