I met Christina for the first time with the CEO of her company in a meeting room in Atlanta way back when her company and my business unit was building a joint solution for the market. We became friends from there on. Eventually I left the company but I had kept up with her – especially in that one trusted way of mine – calling on birthdays!

Couple of weeks back, I finally got a chance to meet her again at a bar in New York. I am glad I did. I learnt so much about her, her husband and her family.

“So, if I recollect correctly, you quit your job, right?”, I asked
“Yes. For some time.” she said
“Where did you join?”
“Well, I work in the same company. As a consultant now.”
“You were not interested in working anywhere else?”
“No, I needed the flexibility of working hours”
“Got it. You said you had taken some time off from work, right?”
“Indeed”
“How did you use your time off?” (I was so ready to talk to her about how excited I am with motorcycles, mixology, hospice etc… but I wanted to hear her story first).
“I took the time off to raise my family”
“Oh! Congratulations! How many kids?”
“Three”
Frankly, I was like – “Wow! that was quick”. But what I asked was “How old are they?”
“My eldest son is sixteen years…” she went on.

But I had stopped listening to her. My cortical part of the brain had completely taken over. 16? But I had met her around 2010. How could she have taken time off after I left the company – which was itself 3 years after I met had her for the first time and have kids 16 year old. My mind was swirling in all sort of confusion.

As she kept talking, I could hear a few words through that cloud of confusion that started stabbing me back into consciousness….

“Wait! Wait! Roll that back for me. Did you say you adopted from Ethiopia?”

Second time around, I got the story straight. She and her husband had determined not to have their own kid – and instead change the lives of a few. They adopted a son from Ethiopia. Then found out that the child had a sibling (also given up at an orphanage). They adopted him too. Not content with the good that they had already done, they went back and adopted yet another – this time a girl from Ethiopia.

Again, life stories like this overwhelm me. This level of magnanimity and grace boggles my mind. I have mentioned this before about my time spent with an organization in Dallas where we rescued battered women and kids from physically abusive houses. I saw up close and personal how there are more kids than caring parents in this world.

People who can subtract one from that problem are just incredible human beings. I have no words for people who go back and do that multiple times.

I remembered my other friends from Wisconsin – Bob and Audrey (http://www.rajibroy.com/?p=7681) – who have adopted multiple times from Ethiopia and China and told their story to Christina.

This week, I ran into Girish in Cancun (http://www.rajibroy.com/?p=16292) – and found out that he and his wife have adopted two kids from Guatemala.

Amidst all this, the one thing I feel great about myself is that somehow I have been lucky in life enough to call people like these as my friends. For, these guys play the game of life at a very different level than I am able to comprehend.

It was magical to see you again, Christina! And may your tribe increase!

“You flunked in math?”, I asked her incredulously. In case you were wondering what is so incredulous about flunking in math, wait till you hear the end of the story.

“Yes. I am not very proud of it”, she said
“So, let me get this straight. You flunked in math and got kicked out of your college?”
“Yes. Again I am not very proud of it today”
“How much did you have to score?”
“20 out of 100 to stay in college”.
“And you did not score 20 marks out of 100?”
“No”

“Well, then how the heck did you get to where you have gotten to today?”

That question unveiled the incredible tapestry of life Urmi had woven for herself over the last three decades or so. She used to live in my neighborhood. She was my sister’s classmate till fifth grade, I think. I was not very close to her – but her elder brother – Rupak (Samudra) used to play with us. Therefore, I knew him better. The last time I saw her was probably 1983 when I left Durgapur. 35 years later, I found myself at a bar inside the PORT Authority Bus Station in Time Square area with that same girl. Duly equipped with a red wine for me and a spicy margarita for herself.

“Start from 1983. What happened?”, I asked

“I hated being told what to do. I rebelled against my parents, my teachers… everybody. I was a tomboy. I never studied. I did not do well in my exams. I was sent to a college (btw, my sister was in that college too) but I flunked out and went to another college”

“Did you have a purpose in life? Did what your parents/elders wanted you to do run counter to it? Is that why you rebelled?
“No. I do not think I was mature enough to have goals. I just did not want to be told what I should do. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. When I wanted to do. Where I wanted to do”.

“Well, then what happened?”

“Then I married the guy I wanted to. He came to US for higher studies. Eventually I joined him. And then…..”, her voice seemed to fade away as she was reliving her early days in a foreign country.

“And?”

“And,” she said getting her voice back, “something clicked in my mind. Suddenly, I felt I had all the independence in my life. To do whatever I wanted to do. In a foreign land where nobody knew me other than my husband. I felt a great sense of freedom.”

I waited as she again seemed to get lost in her thoughts. Finally she looked at me and haltingly, said “Then I got scared”

“You got scared of all the freedom?”

“No. Once I had all the freedom, I came to the next realization that I had not made much of myself in all my life. I was too busy NOT doing stuff to do any stuff”.

“So, what did you do?”

“I wanted to revisit that flunking out of college for not scoring 20 in math. My husband was a graduate student. We did not have much money. But we were able to scrounge up enough for me to get to school. I started studying math!”

“One second. We are still talking about math – the subject you flunked in?”

“Yes. I loved math always. I just did not like the teachers and the rigidity of the system”.

Well, turns out this rebel of a girl got a bachelors’ degree in math with flying colors.
Then she proceeded to get her masters degree.
Undaunted by her new born child and all the first time mothers’ duties, she kept pushing on her love for math ad then got a Ph.D!! While raising her young child!!!
Then she became a professor of math in a New York college – and eventually earned tenureship!

And that is what she does as a profession today!

Now you see why I was totally flummoxed when a tenured math professor in a college in New York told me that she had flunked out of college because of math!!!

What an inspiring story.

I see parents complaining about their wards during school years – more common in India than in US – that they are not getting focused and studying and all that. I have this belief that every kid eventually pivots. There comes a day in their life when they wake up and want to do something with their life. At that point they are wiling to put in all the hard work that comes with that territory.

That is the day they need all our help and support to push them thru that phase. Starting late does not make the journey easier but the self-drive makes success that much more achievable.

Going back to Urmi, there were some great subsequent discussions on happiness, mortality, supporting parents in India during their old ages and so on. Unfortunately for me, she needed to grab a bus back home and we had to end our meeting.

As an aside, later that evening, I was telling Sharmila about the meeting and she had an intriguing question – “So, what does she do when her children or students won’t listen to her and do their studies?” 🙂

I need to remember to ask her that when I see her next!!!

It was great seeing you Urmi after so many years!!!