25 January 2020

The unseen hand of the caregiver

The biggest fear I have in life? For all the attention I have paid to my dad, what have I done for my mom? It is so easy to take the role of the caregiver for granted. I try to even bring up the topic of “what if mom dies before dad?” and I am summarily dismissed by everybody. My dad’s response is simply “I will die the next day”.

I have started getting a renewed feeling for my mom – not just as my mom- but also as my dad’s caregiver. My dad will not take any help from anybody else than my mom. There was a day when my mom said – I do not think she meant it the way I took it – “I am having to do a maid’s job”. As a son, you cannot imagine, how little I felt. One of my lowest moment in life. For all the things I can do, this is what my mom is reduced to do. That is how I felt.

And yet, thru this, she has complained very little. I have asked her to get all the help money can buy but she just would not do anything my dad would approve of. And my dad will not approve of anything that costs money on his accord.

This trip, I started following my mom’s footsteps a little closer. Here is a picture I never thought I would capture otherwise.

I watched my mom feed my dad (he does not have enough locomotory powers). Funnily enough, she was opening up her own mouth and sticking her tongue out ever so lightly – to prop him to do what she wanted him to do. Like he was a kid.

What a relationship between two life long partners! Captured right there!!

Here’s wishing to what she wants in her life after all those sacrifices has made.

And here’s a reminder to me why I need to be nice to Sharmila 🙂


Posted January 25, 2020 by Rajib Roy in category "Family in India", "Vacations


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