The top three conclusions a Martian would make were it to come to our Alpha Loop.

1. The four-legged creature is the supreme being. He has a two-legged best friend who obediently follows him and picks up his poop.

2. Those two-legged creatures all seem to be born with a bright white thing sticking in their ears.

3. Something terrifying lurks at the far end of the loop. The two-legged creatures sprint away from it with great urgency, yet inexplicably return to face it again and again.