16 August 2016

This is why I do not go to grocery stores

This morning was a speed run day for me. After a few long mile runs, I wanted to get some balance in the muscle group stress points. Now, before you get any ideas, let me explain that when I say speed runs, these are speed runs by my standards. My 100 meter dash timing is not going to threaten Usain Bolt any time soon. In fact, by the time I am done with my dash, he would have completed his race, gone around the stadium one full round waving at the crowd, draped in Jamaica’s flag and would have further just finished his third autograph. Fifth, if he cared to hurry up.

In any case, back to my story. Halfway thru to the running track, I realized that I had forgotten to pack some food with me. I get very very hungry after the speed runs. And thirsty. Experience has taught me that a couple of oranges or apples fixes that problem very easily – I guess they are very hydrating and are rich in nutrients. So, reluctantly, I decided to stop by a Kroger (grocery store) to pick up a couple of oranges.

I say reluctantly because the grocery store is one of the most confusing places for me. The rare few times I go there, I find myself knowing what I want but not where to find it. After every single item, I call up Sharmila to direct me to the right aisle and the exact corner of the aisle. But, there I was – running into the store to pick up a couple of oranges.

Right at the door, I was greeted by an elderly Kroger lady of particularly cheerful disposition. She wished me Good Morning and asked me “Are you looking for anything in particular, hon?” with that Southern hospitality. “Good morning! And yes ma’m. I was going to pick up some oranges. Can you tell me where to find them?”.

Her answer – which was really a question – stopped me in my tracks to a screeching halt. “Clementines, Tangelos, Navel Oranges, Tangerines or Mandarins? Or perhaps Blood Oranges?”. I stood there listlessly looking at her, perplexity writ all over my face, no doubt. On an aside, did I say I know “what I want” in a grocery store? Allow me to take that back.

Not to come across as an idiot, I confidently replied “Tangerines, ma’m. Yes, that is what I want. Tangerines”. She, with a big smile, pointed me to the right corner of the store where all those confusing fruits lay all over the place. I went there, matter-of-factly picked up a couple of them, and pretended to inspect them – all the while tempted to Google what is it that I should be buying. I had no idea if Tangerine is what I was looking for.

And the moment I realized – by the glance from the corner of my eye – that the lady had become busy greeting the next customer, quickly picked up a couple of bananas and left 🙂

Posted August 16, 2016 by Rajib Roy in category "Humor


  1. By Sreerupa Sengupta Banerjee on

    Did you get the Chiquita bananas 😛 Actually, that lady did give you a hint in “navel oranges” to make it an easy choice for you! LOL!! Old ladies have a way of recognizing confusion on someone’s face from their life’s experiences 😀

  2. By Shannon Foster on

    I grocery shop every week and finding canned chili always fails me. Every single time. Is it with the soups? Beans? Something else? It always takes me at least two tries to find them.

  3. By Suzanne McBride on

    Well, at least you got out with some actual fruit!
    My challenge is that I can never seem to find toothpicks. I just don’t buy them often enough to remember where to look!


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