Interesting take by Daniel Gilbert on the history of control of our own happiness…

“Most of us make at least three important decisions in our lives: where to live, what to do, and with whom to do it. We choose our towns and our neighborhoods, we choose our jobs and our hobbies, we choose our spouses and our friends. Making these decisions is such a natural part of adulthood that it is easy to forget that we are among the first human beings to make them. For most of recorded history, people lived where they were born, did what their parents had done, and associated with those who were doing the same. Millers milled, Smiths smithed, and little Smiths and little Millers married whom and when they were told. Social structures (such as religions and castes) and physical structures (such as mountains and oceans) were the great dictators that determined how, where, and with whom people would spend their lives, which left most folks with little to decide for themselves. But the agricultural, industrial, and technological revolutions changed all that, and the resulting explosion of personal liberty has created a bewildering array of options, alternatives, choices, and decisions that our ancestors never faced. For the very first time, our happiness is in our hands.”

At Westlake High School in Atlanta. Niki was sent from her school for a Technology Fair competition. It is amazing to see the talented kids. Some of the parents – umm, not so much.

Okay, admittedly, there is some confusion about room assignments. (Niki was shifted twice). And some are running too close to their allotted times. But what is the big idea yelling at the volunteers? For the record, the volunteers are going out of their way to be helpful. One even loaned his laptop to a competitor whose laptop crashed.

It is terrible how such seemingly bright students are picking up the wrong examples of how to treat other people.

In any case, here is Nikita setting up her project….

On this first day of the New Year, there are many ways of expressing my best wishes to you. None can match what I want to say as well as Bob Perks did in his short story “I wish you enough”.

From the bottom of my heart, my friends, “I wish you enough”.

If you are curious about the story, you can go to http://www.bobperks.com/wish.htm

or read it here…
———-
I never really thought that I’d spend as much time in airports as I do. I don’t know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I’m not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports.
I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes down to “hello” and “goodbye.”I must have mentioned this a few times while writing my stories for you.

I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye.

Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day.

On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to check in, the woman said, “How are you today?” I replied, “I am missing my wife already and I haven’t even said goodbye.”

She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, “How long will you…Oh, my God. You will only be gone three days!” We all laughed. My problem was I still had to say goodbye.

But I learn from goodbye moments, too.

Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, “I love you. I wish you enough.” She in turn said, “Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy.”

They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?”

“Yes, I have,” I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.

So I knew what this man experiencing.

“Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?” I asked.

“I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral,” he said.

“When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, “I wish you enough.” May I ask what that means?”

He began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more.”When we said ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them,” he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much
bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Goodbye.”

He then began to sob and walked away.

My friends, I wish you enough!

————-

While reading a book that delves into understanding happiness (more importantly how we prevent ourselves from being happy) – more on that book later, I learnt about two 50+ year old conjoined twins -Lori and Reba (now George). If you get a chance, read up about them in http://www.keepmywords.com/2011/01/11/lori-george-schappell/

Now here is the crazy thing….
They are very very happy!!! Look at their picture and tell me honestly how many of us can place ourselves in that situation and say we are happy? But they are.

When asked about separating them, their response” “Our point of view is no, straight out no. Why would you want to do that? For all the money in China, why? You’d be ruining two lives in the process”.
Lori added “Don’t assume our life is difficult till we tell you it is so”

This befuddles all psychologists. And gives a lie to all current medical opinion from doctors (none of whom have been born conjoined twins) that all such twins should be separated out at birth.

Oh! How we project our own definition and concept of happiness onto hapless others!!!
Just watch how we behave with our kids, spouses, friends, colleagues….

Last evening, during my indepth discussions with Tathagata about life, the conversation somehow veered towards human being’s fascination towards how they dress up.

I think we were talking about Shakespeare – specifically, Hamlet, Act 1 Scene 3. Polonius gave some memorable advice to his son Laertes before he left home at the age of 21 (or was it 25?). A couple of great examples:

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be // For loan oft loses both itself and friend”

“Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice // Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgment.”

But as I explained to Tathagata, there was a particular advice that vexed me no end since I cannot, even to this day, align my values to that advice. It ran thus…

“For the apparel oft proclaims the man,”

That means you reconcile yourself to a world where you will be judged by how you look. That bothers me a lot. Mostly because I do not look good or dress good 😉 Seriously though, I have been deeply conflicted on that advice.

Tathagata, with his vast knowledge of literature, reminded me of a quote from Tagore

“Juta ki manushke boRo korite pare?”

Roughly translated to Shakespearean English it would be

“Shoes maketh nary a man, nobler”

I was absolutely delighted by his quick quip from a different language, different poet, different times.

Maybe I like him so much because he is my friend from elementary school.
Maybe I like him so much because he knows so much about literature and poetry.
I think though I like him mostly because he comes up with quotes that I can agree with better than the ones I come up with myself I 😉

Later driving back home, I remembered a Mark Twain funny quote on this topic I wish I had told him.

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little to no influence on society” 🙂

As we grow older and older, our Christmas gift list becomes smaller and smaller.
That is because we wish for more and more things that cannot be bought with money.
(Inspired by a post shared by Tammi Gagne Perry)

Last week, I was having breakfast with Sunjay at the Burlington Marriott and when the waitress brought the bill, I wrote down the usual stuff – tips, room number, last name etc. on it. The room number was 804 and you know my last name. But an idea struck me and I showed Sunjay how we can derive my last name from my room number.
In fact, my whole name can be represented as a proper decimal number!!!! Cool or what?

(In wine lies the truth)
(Also, why I have my two glasses of red wine everyday 🙂 )

Got to know this from an email from my friend Karthik Mani via Raj…

From Herodotus’ writings…
If an important decision is to be made, they [the Persians] discuss the question when they are drunk, and the following day the master of the house where the discussion was held submits their decision for reconsideration when they are sober. If they still approve it, it is adopted; if not, it is abandoned. Conversely, any decision they make when they are sober, is reconsidered afterwards when they are drunk.

Zimmerman (remember him?) was arrested today for “pointing a gun at his girlfriend”and pushing her out as she was packing to leave.
NRA, thoroughly disgusted at this, is campaigning for all girlfriends of Zimmerman to carry assault rifles. 🙂

As I pulled out of my dirt road this morning, I noticed Natasha’s close friend Shelby waiting at the street corner waiting for her school bus. She was by herself and obviously very cold. So, before thinking any further, I rolled down my window and asked her if she would like a ride to her school. To which, she readily agreed. It appeared that Natasha and Sharmila missed her by a few minutes.
The drive to school – which was a slight detour for me, but I had a two hour drive to Lake Oconee in front of me – was very insightful. I am really impressed with how mature kids are these days and their clarity around what they want to do. After asking about her parents, I inevitably came to the “What do you want to be when you grow up” question.
I am not sure, why I always ask that question – maybe because my dad used to ask me and my friends the same question. Or maybe I am simply looking for some ideas for myself 🙂
Anyways, Shelby was clear she wanted to be a doctor. I immediately made a note of how my dad would have been proud of that answer. In his world, everybody grew up to be an engineer or a doctor. Or a Nobel Prize winner!!!
“Tell me a little more”, I prodded Shelby. She went on to explain how she is fascinated by what she has been studying in Biology regarding how organs work. She thinks it is an incredible feat of our body how all the organs work in tandem. She also realizes that for many people those organs do not work perfectly. So, she wants to “fix” the organs for those people.
It was a good chat for 10-15 minutes. After I dropped her and hit the road for the long haul, my mind kept going back to my tenth grade (Shelby is a tenth grader). I had a Biology book too. (It was a red book by two authors – Katyal and Ali, as I reckon). And my Biology book had chapters on organs too. But to me, every new organ was an obstacle to getting myself a passing grade 🙂
And yet, from these same chapters, this girl has started building her dream.
I am truly impressed with how kids learn so much more, faster and exhibit greater level of maturity and independence in deciding who they want to be.
Don’t you let anybody tell you that this world is not getting better and brighter…