5 May 2019

Finding her birth parents

“So, you saw your birth father for the first time in your life?”, I asked
“Yes”, she replied.
“And he was living near you all this time?”
“Yes!”

It was September 2016 when Julio and I had met Paula at the Blind Horse in Sheboygan. She had made one of the best Sazeracs I had had, I remember. That evening as we got to know her, we found out that she was left by her birth mom when she was a few days old. Her wonderful adoptive parents had raised her. Her (adoptive) parents had adopted a brother for her too – who incidentally is married to an adopted girl from India! That day I had asked her if she had any interest in finding out her lineage and about her birth parents. She let me know quickly that she had no interest. (More about that day here: http://www.rajibroy.com/?p=11717)

About a year later, Julio and I were in Wisconsin for a meeting. We were at a resort by Lake Elkhart and guess who had switched jobs to the bar of that resort? There were two parts of the conversation from that day I still remember. First, she had a second daughter a few months back and I had promised to come back and see the baby some time. And that she was warming up to finding out about her lineage. (More about that day here: http://www.rajibroy.com/?p=14517)

We had kept up thru Facebook and she had kept me apprised of her progress with the project to find her birth parents.

“Paula, start from the beginning. You had approached ancestry.com, right?” I asked her as we settled down for coffee at a coffee place near Milwaukee between my business meetings.
“Yes. They did the full DNA analysis”. She then showed me the report they sent her about the various mix of bloods she has.
“I am basically a human mutt!”, she said laughing!
“That is funny! Then what happened?”

“Much later, I got a call from a lady. She told me that she found me on ancestry.com. And she thought she knew me.”
“Were you excited?”
“I was not sure how I felt. Anyways, she gave me a few details from my first few days. That absolutely matched what the orphanage had told me. She then said that she knew my mom and dad. And that she was my aunt. My birth father’s sister. She then said – let me send you your mom’s high school pictures. You two look exactly the same.”
Saying so, Paula pulled out her mom’s pictures from her phone. I have to admit, they looked remarkable similar.

“Then what?”, I asked.
“Well this lady told me my dad’s name and where he lived.”
“Where does he live?”
“Near Milwaukee”
“That is right here…. “
“Yep!”
“Did you go meet him?”
“Yes, took my daughters there. And we have seen them a few times”.

Apparently, that was how Paula got to know her family from the birth dad side.

“Did your dad tell you anything about your mom?”
“Yes, they were both 15 when my mom had me. Her parents kicked her out of their house when they found out she was pregnant. After my birth, she gave me up at an orphanage and my dad and mom split and went their own ways.”

“Wow! What a story!! Where did the story lead to on your mom’s side?”
“My dad gave me my mom’s name. I searched for her a lot and then found her out in Facebook”.
“You too? You will be amazed how many of my own searches found closure in Facebook. In any case, back to your story…”
“From the pictures in Facebook you can see the similarity to her younger pictures”
“Did you reach out to her?”
“Yes. I messaged her who I was. And that I wanted her to know that I am happy. I am not reaching out for any particular reason.”
“Did she reach back?”
“No. She blocked me.”
“She blocked you????”
“Yes, she blocked me!”

After a few seconds, I asked her “And how did that make you feel?”
“I was okay. I do not know what life she lives. Plus my mom is my real mom.”
It took me a second to realize what she was saying. Then it dawned upon me – she was talking about her adoptive mom. I had completely forgotten about that wonderful lady.

The rest of the time was spent talking about the new job she was going to start soon and playing with her younger daughter. That was an old promise kept – to come and see her daughter.

Thoroughly missed Julio though!!

5 May 2019

The “anti-rain” song

John, Tej and myself went around aimlessly on our bikes thru backroads and country roads in northern Georgia. Eventually, we landed up at Pelican Pete by Lake Lanier to grab a lunch. As we were having lunch, it started raining. Which kind of got us grounded till the rain Gods would co-operate.

The “Woodys” – husband wife team that was singing there saw our plight and announced on the mic – “We are now going to do an anti-rain song for the motorcycle dudes so that they can keep the shiny side up and the rubbery side down!” And they went on to sing a song. I do not listen to any English music – so I have no idea what they sang.

But sure enough, in the middle of the song, the rains held up – much to amusement of all the lunch-goers there. And did not come back. Made our ride back so much more enjoyable!!!

2 May 2019

It was her turn to buy me a drink today!!

Swung by the Big Apple to check on Natasha who just turned 21 the previous day. She was deeply disappointed that she did not get carded at the bar when she ordered her drink. It was only a couple of hours but I had a great time with her and her friends – Avery and Cynthia.

The big debate of the evening was whether I will show up for her wedding. While she insisted that I have to show up, I would concede only if it is a destination wedding where I can show up in shorts and a beach shirt. Twenty one years and I do not think she has quite understood how my presence is felt and absence celebrated 🙂

Also, there was that bit about me and the CIA. I will let her elaborate 🙂

29 April 2019

“For the time being”

Let me set the stage first.
The first thing you need to know – unless you are conversant in Bengali – that the word “Apatoto” (pronounced with a long “a” and soft “t”s ) means “As of now” or “For the time being”.

Second thing you need to know is that there is a national exam in India – NTSE – National Talent Scholar Exam – or something like that. Students finishing up tenth grade can appear in it and after a written test and an interview (at least that was the way it was when I sat for it), if you managed to qualify, then you would get certain amount of financial aid as long as you continued studying. This, somehow, I had managed to ace – fulfilling one of the three dreams my dad had for me (this, to pass the Indian Administrative Services test and to get a Nobel Prize). One for three ain’t too bad is the story I am sticking with.

The third thing you need to know is the baby featured in my lap is my nephew Nirban (brother’s elder son) who is the same age as my younger daughter and is in his tenth grade now. You can see from the second picture how he looks now.

This morning during my usual call to my brother, Nirban picked up the phone. And we talked for some time…

“Dad’s gone to the market to buy fish. He left his phone at home.”
“No problem! You have time to talk?”, I asked thinking “Of course, what else would a Bengali buy?”
“Sure”
“Not watching IPL? Did you see KKR play yesterday?”
“No. I have no time to watch cricket. Lots of studies”.

“What are you studying now?”
He rattled off more subject names than I could shake a stick at.

Math is our common love – actually – true for quite a few members in my family – including my brother and sister-in-law.

“So, what are they teaching in math now?”
Like I said, I had touched upon his favorite topic. For the next five minutes he spoke non stop – punctuations be darned – about polynomial equations and how he is solving them now and what are the tricks he has learnt and also the kind of silly mistakes he is prone to making.

“That is okay. We all make mistakes. Important thing is that you understand the concepts and know how to apply them. When you grow up, you will use calculators and those silly calculation mistakes won’t matter”.

“But when I sit for NTSE, they won’t let me use calculators”.
“You are sitting for NTSE? I did not know that. When is the exam?”

“First round will be towards the end of this year.”
“Oh! Did you know…”

“I know. You qualified”
“Well, I was going to actually mention about…”

“And my mom qualified too”. It was like he was not paying any attention to what I was trying to say.
“You know, that is true. I forgot that your mom was also a NTSE scholar. I am sure that makes our family unique. We have not one but two NTSE scholars.”

After a couple of seconds of uncharacteristic quietness on his side, I heard his voice again.

“Hmmmm. Apatoto”, he said, lowering his voice.

“You go, tiger”, is what I was thinking in my head… while trying to suppress my laughter.

Epilogue:
Later, I got a call from my brother.
“Call korechhilis?”, he asked if I had called him.
“Yeah – my daily check in….” and then proceeded to tell him about the exchange I had with his elder son.

Well, I did not get to finish my story. When I came to the bit of Nirban mentioning his mom having qualified for NTSE, my brother rudely interrupted me –

“Chaitali NTSE peyechhilo?” Apparently, my brother was not aware that his wife is a NTSE scholar too.

“Go hang yourself”, I told him and kept the phone down. Not entirely sure what to laugh at more now!!