Dang! This was supposed to be my special day!
Like every year, I woke up to this day that I look forward to expectantly. Like every year, this year too, I was hoping to get a lot of messages from my well wishers. I was more than a little intrigued though by the fact that my Whatsapp did not ring continuously like a tricycle bell the whole night from my friends in India with congratulatory messages. After all, they are nine and a half hours ahead of me.
Excitedly, I opened up cnn.com on my iPhone only to realize that – Dang! They did not give me the Nobel Peace Prize this year either! That is very sad. I am taking it very hard this year. I tried my best. As an example, I strove very hard to stay alive this year. I understand that the Prize can be given only to non-dead people.
Admittedly I have not caused thousands and thousands of people to die (e.g Kissinger) nor did I make up a lot of stuff in a book (e.g. Menchu) to win the prize. It is true that I have not been just elected the President of America (e.g. Obama) either.
But in my defense, it can certainly be said that everytime my daughter and my wife picked up a fight(I think I forgot to use two adjectives – “elder” and “hourly” appropriately), I refused to participate and instead slinked out of the house to the nearest bar to sip a glass of wine. Experience has taught me that getting involved only made both of them gang up on me and unnecessarily knocked me off the Committee’s list of nominees.
Neither have I ever bothered to respond every time my wife tried to pick a fight with me. (I am hoping against hopes that the Committee is noticing a trend here with my wife. (For nothing would hurt me more if she got the Prize and I did not). In any case, as I was mentioning, any time she tried to pick up a fight, I would just exercise my right to remain silent, secretly hoping that the Committee was keeping count. Just in case they needed a backup, I also carry a small notebook where I keep count. Plus trying to talk animatedly while sipping wine has gifted me way too many stained shirts than I really need. And I have heard that the Norwegian guys do not like messy guys.
On a final note, I would like to submit that anytime my daughters or my aforementioned wife was found hysterically screaming upon spotting a small spider (which would be less than a centimeter any which way you measured it) or a cockroach (which had apparently lost all its legs in an unfortunate incident) or one of those small harmless insects which have more legs than you can throw a stick at, I refused to listen to their orders to kill the insects. A lot of it was because it was difficult to see them from the safe distance I would have myself fled to with my wine glass intact in my hand.
As I said, I am really getting frustrated. This might be the wine talking, but right now, I can kill for a Nobel Peace Prize 🙂