19 October 2015

Durga Puja Primer

Today is “Mahasasthhi” – the kickoff of the biggest festival for Bengalis – Durga Puja. For my American friends who might land up in such a Puja with some Bengali friend of theirs – I have compiled a ready reckoner to understand the various aspects of our Durga Puja.

“SAREE”: Nine yard of colorful cloth commonly used by Bengali women to wrap their husbands/boy-friends around their fingers. One of the rare objects known to exhibit three different properties at the same time – (*) Pauli’s Exclusion Principle – No Bengali woman shall ever be seen wearing the same saree twice, provided the audience remains constant (*) Lavoisier’s Law of Conservation of Mass – Pauli’s principle notwithstanding, no saree, even if it has no chance of ever being used again shall be evicted from its rightful place in the closet and (*) Associative Property of Value – Ceteris Paribus, a saree carries no value unless accompanied by innumerable accoutrements.

“6 PM” : See “9 PM”

“PANDAL”: also known as “Mandap”. Refers to the geospatial location – invariably a high school – where all the Bengalis congregate. The exact choice of high school is delicate in so far as it has to be at least twenty miles away from the nearest Bengali inhabitant. Such a location must have an auditorium for the really important part of Puja to start at “6 PM”.

“PARKING LOT”. This is a regional definition – valid only for the Puja I go to. This refers to any place that can fit a car that is outside the four walls of “Pandal”. We might drive for fifty miles to go to our “Pandal” but there is no way in God’s errr…. DurgaMa’s green earth that we will walk a few steps. Especially if we are in our “Sarees”. So if you see a lot of cars standing next to each other with nary a space to open the door and blocking all access to emergency vehicles, then you know you have reached our “Parking Lot”

“9 PM” : This is when all programs scheduled to start at 6 PM, 7 PM or 8PM start. There is a reason, “eeesh” is part of the Bengali dialect. For example, we start at “9-eeesh”!

“STAGE” : Where all Bengalis will get up to demonstrate their talents. (which admittedly they have a lot of). Also refer to “Auditorium Seats”.

“PHONE”: Curious looking device in every Bengali’s hand. Also considered an accoutrement for “Saree”. Originally used to make phone calls, was later used to take pictures of Ma Durga. With the advent of the front camera, it is used solely to take selfies. With the “Sarees”, of course.
“SELFIE QUEEN”: That lady going around like the Statue of Liberty all the time. Works best with “Phone”!

“BARS”: This is used to mention the strength of the cellular connectivity. Its original purpose to make reliable calls has been abrogated to today’s single minded determination to upload the selfies to Facebook.

“AUDITORIUM SEATS”: Chair like structures in the gallery used to prop up video cameras on tripods. The purported audience, meanwhile, are all onstage!

“AASCHHEY BOCHHOR AABAR HOBEY”: When the next edition of this primer will be published.

“BOLO BOLO DURGA MAI KI… JAI”: Salutation to end any primer when you have nothing more to add.

Category: Humor | 31 Comments on Durga Puja Primer
19 October 2015

You have mail! Oh! Wait! I have it too!!

Apparently the CIA and Homeland Security email servers have been hacked (http://www.cnn.com/2015/10/19/politics/cia-fbi-alleged-hacking-report/index.html)

As a preventive measure, authorities have switched all CIA and Homeland Security mails to Hillary’s personal email server. A spokesman explained “After dedicating so many resources for so long a time, we have not yet quite figured out what was going on. Frankly, we are not even sure what we are looking for. Therefore, we figured this would be an effective method to confuse all hackers.”

Category: Humor | LEAVE A COMMENT
18 October 2015

Durga Puja – my style

Durga Pujo – the one time in the year, the Bengali diaspora in the world comes out in resplendent colors and simply gorgeous ethnic dresses and congregate around wherever the local festivities are being held. I suspect this is equally true for Bengalis in native Bengal but I have not seen a Pujo in Bengal for over half my life – so, I cannot speak from personal experience.

It is also, I suspect, the season for Facebook to upgrade their backend hard drives to deal with the sudden deluge of FB picture posts and profile updates of scintillating ladies and not-to-be-left-behind-in-their-looks husbands. At a very high level of pixel granularity too, thanks to the latest phones that I am yet to figure out how to make a quiet phone call from 🙂

But to me, this is also a great way to say “Hi” to a lot of old friends and families that I barely get to see during the year and make some new friends. I have to admit that with my terrible ability to remember names, the meeting of old friends and families often becomes embarrassing. However, I am the first one to admit that I am going to hit 50 in a few more months and therefore, I should be given a excuse 🙂

My most delightful moments in life is still with kids. Today, I was able to spend an hour with my runner friend Manas’s daughter. Frankly, I do not know (or rather do not remember) her name. And she had no ability to communicate with me – unless spitting at me is considered to be a form of communication. Some might actually concur 🙂

It is not the cherubic beauty of babies that gets me. It is their inability to understand TIME that mesmerizes me. Look at her. She has no comprehension of what is time. She does not know what five minutes back means. She has no idea of an hour from now means. She is absolutely in the NOW. There is no time for her than just NOW.

“That shiny thing on him? Interesting!! I am going to pull it.” She has no comprehension that it is the watch that someday will tell her time when she is supposed to have food – whether she is hungry or not. As of now, it is something to tug at.

“That black looking thing under my chin? I wonder how it tastes. Let me stick out my tongue to find it out.” She has no idea that a few minutes back she had already tasted my shirt and decided that it was not eminently edible. She has no ability to talk about “experiences”. Her mind is but a blank slate.

She is absolutely in the NOW.

For the folks who have a deeper understanding of spirituality (regardless of the religion you profess), would probably realize this to be the ultimate goal of meditation. Control your mind to live the only moment that is true – NOW.

Every time we fold our hands and close our eyes and bow our head to Ma Durga, that is what we are trying to do – focus our mind to be with the ONE.

And with that picture of a rather startled baby trying to understand why the uncle (and her dad) was disrupting her actions to get her to focus on some weird rectangular stuff her dad was holding … “Happy Durga Puja” to all of you.

 

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Category: Musings | 2 Comments on Durga Puja – my style
18 October 2015

From the bartender’s corner – Farmer Giles

Since I missed my traditional two glasses of wine during Durga Puja (when I would slink out of the place where all the festivities are held just to cool my heels at a nearby bar – but today I had to take care of one of the daughters), I decided to top off the evening with a stiff drink before I go to bed. This one has Gin, sweet vermouth and dry vermouth and some bitters.

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Category: Cocktails | LEAVE A COMMENT