11 March 2023

Rewind-Pause: Two years of being an orphan

Two years back, on this day, around this time, I had called my brother. Like I had done every morrning for many, many years. Instead of the usual pleasantries, his immediate question was “Khobor peyechhis?” (“Did you get the news?”)

In a flash, I knew what must have happened. Dad was in his last legs shuttling between nursing home and home almost weekly. He had lost his will to live for over five years. Mom dying a few weeks back had added unthinkable amount of psychological pain to him over and top of the physical ones he was enduring.

“Andaaj kortey paarchi”, (“I can guess”) I said after a brief pause. Somewhat relieved that dad might have finally been released from all his anguish and granted his wish to die.

“Thik aachey, tora bero. Sabdhaaney jaas.”, (“Ok. You guys go ahead. Stay safe.”) I told my brother. They were getting ready to go to my dad’s place to take care of all the last rites and formalities.

The one regret was that my visa to India had not arrived yet. In spite of getting my second vaccination a week before, I was not able to make it to India to see him one last time since my special visa had not processed yet.

Which was a bit of an anti-climactic end to the once-a-quarter trip I used to make to see him. Honestly though, if the actual suffering he was going thru was even a fraction of what I could see in our video calls, I did not want him to drag one for even one more minute waiting for me to get my visa. I was content to live with the memories of those near 50 visits to see him before the pandemic.

That said, “Ekbaar aay. Ma maara jaabaar por dekha hoyni”, (“Please come once. I have not seen you after losing your mother”) – those words from the previous night over the video call rankle my mind till this day and I wake up at nights with cold sweat.

– – – –

The first ever picture I have with dad (circa 1966) and the last ever picture I have (a few weeks before the world shut down in 2020)

4 February 2023

Rewind-Pause: Kids we grew up with

This is from nearly 20 years back. I think this was Natasha’s birthday at the Sandy Lake Park. The small girl on the top right corner of the picture in pink dress is Natasha.

I have kept up with most of the kids except the one on stereo left. I think that is Salil and Geetika’s son. Need to figure out what he is up to.

2 February 2023

Does one really have more time or is that merely an illusion?

Now that I have given a long winded excuse in my previous post – and a fair warning at that – I can now start by telling you the question I get asked often: “How do you get so much time?”

It came up recently again around my posting of the annual dashboard. Which got me to think – in as much an unbiased way I possibly could – why is it that it seems to others that I get more time to do things?

My first conclusion is it is not about what I do – rather what I do not do. With the safe assumption that I have 24 hours like everybody else and that I sleep 7-8 hours a day (average about 7:30 most days), part of the answer has to lie in what is it that I do not do that others do.

Problem is when I ask people – how did you spend your time last week (in large categories), most people shoo me away. So, I tried to deduce from secondary data – like conversations that I cannot follow or the regular berating from my wife when she has to explain why I have not showed up at a party yet again.

I think not watching any movies, sports and in general having TV time to near zero (unless I am with my wife at a bar) plus not going to any large social gathering (more than 4 is large for me) is probably one reason I get more amount of discretionary time than others.

The second conclusion – and I am fairly ashamed to admit it – I am extremely particular about how I plan and track my time. By any fair measurement system, “OCD” does not even come close to the planning, tracking, habit growing system I have developed over the years (based on Level 10 Life).

To give you an idea, every morning, I grab my cup of “karak” chai and note down how I spent the previous day on 70 different variables. In full red, green, yellow colors. My wife calls them “crop circles”. Then there is the weekend aggregation of the week, the weekly planning, the monthly aggregation, the monthly planning… quarterly… annually. In fact the annual dashboard is a good example of the extent of lunacy I will go to – to plan and track my time.

To give you an idea how off kilt I am on this – once my friend Avi had asked me “What do you do for spontaneity?”. Without realizing the irony, I had answered “Why, I schedule that in.”

If the first two reasons were that I simply do not do other things that people do and I am inanely particular about how I spend time, the third one is outright unflattering.

And that is I post too much. While I was thinking thru why people wonder how I get so much time, I inevitably came to the conclusion that at least part of the answer lies in that I advertise a lot. Since I write down my daily life story with pictures and description – which then gets syndicated to Facebook (and for some posts, Linkedin), it must create an impression on the audience that I am doing a lot more things than others.

I do think the variety of activities adds to that impression but I suspect many people do similarly or even more interesting things. But since they do not post their life journal, most of us do not realize that they are doing a lot of stuff too.

If you know me or even if you do not, how do you relate to my conclusions?

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31 January 2023

“People often ask me…”

Have you ever read any Facebook or Linkedin post that starts “I am often asked…”? I do not know about you but my first reaction is “No, you are not!”

You are just trying to act as if you are reluctantly trying to explain something. Truth is you want to make a point. I am good with that. This is social media. You can say anything you want on this platform without having to explain why.

And I am interested in hearing your point of view – that is why I follow you – no need to show any modicum of made up humility.

I have never seen anybody write – “People often ask me why I am such an idiot or so belligerent…”. It is always “People often ask me what are my secrets to being a great leader … “ or some made up stuff like that.

Okay, what is my point?

First, I realize there are exceptions to the above.

Second, during my birthday calls – and my postings of my annual dashboards – a recurring theme in the questions I am asked has gotten me to think hard about the answer. There are parts to the answer that are unflattering to me…

But I wanted to make sure that my temerity in trying to answer the theme of the questions I am asked “How come you get so much time to do things” is well understood. I am aware that posting that question itself is crossing the lines of humility that I was talking about.

I wanted this background to explain in the next post what are the conclusions I have come to about myself (like I said, not all of it is flattering to me) about that question I get asked.

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21 January 2023

Rewind-Pause: First visit to Niagara Falls

This was in 1994. Went with Sharmila and a few of my office colleagues including Ramkumar, Balaji and Manjit in this picture. I think Sharmila took this picture.

We are now all over the place. I am not sure where Ramkumar is (either Japan on New Jersey), Manjit is in Dallas, we are in Atlanta and unfortunately, not much is known about Balaji. Life was very rough on him. I hope he is happy wherever he is.

Incidentally, I am the one with the large camera bag over my shoulders.