11 December 2021

Book Review: Think Again

Author: Adam Grant

I have to start by admitting that reviewing this book has been more difficult than most books. First, I have been distracted in a few other things which meant that reading this book took a lot more time than it should have. Somshekhar – whose intellectual curiosities coincide with mine (although he has a far more wisdom than I do) had pointed me to this book. Another bibliophile that I rely on – Soumyadipta – however, was lukewarm on this book (at least in comparison with Adam Grant’s other books). That was a conundrum I had to solve by reading it thoroughly and judge for myself.

I have independently landed with the opinion that this is a two thumbs up book.

It does a fascinating job of questioning one’s own biases and the fallacy of letting one’s identity be defined by one’s opinions (the concept of ego). Instead, he delves into the benefits of doubt and joy of being wrong. (I recognize that the concept of deriving joy from being wrong can raise a few eyebrows).

Recently I was at a coffee shop when a young lady came in with her toddler. When she let him down, he moved around like a drunk person hitting a thing here and there and trying to learn how to stay up balanced and take a few steps. As the book predicted, we all were filled with joy and clapped to encourage the kid.

But ask yourself – if your friend suddenly decided to learn skateboarding (okay, that hit too close to home 🙂 ) – and a few of you watch him taking steps like he was three sheets to the wind, the usual reaction is to laugh … not clap and encourage. Why is it that we accept that kids will make mistakes as they learn but we do not recognize that in adults?

The author then delves into a topic rather close to my heart – creating learning organizations. I thought he demonstrated surprisingly deep understanding of corporate culture on this topic.

If not anything else, you are bound to learn how to have very nuanced conversations – how to complexify contentious topics and not shy away from caveats and contingencies.

Like I said, two thumbs up from me.

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8 December 2021

An evening to remember

It was a great evening with Sonali and Vikram. Other than the bar hopping, we managed to get in some great debate and discussion around religion and meditation. Religion can be a very divisive topic. But the debate was very healthy and constructive.

Sonali is a great listener and has mastered the art of articulating counter arguments. I found myself again in a familiar spot – having to defend a position that I personally do not believe in. (which sometimes I enjoy more than arguing for the positions I believe in).

Vikram was quiet most of the time. But he has promised to pick on his favorite divisive topic in the next meeting – the Second Amendment. Now, I have to find out which way he is going to argue. So that I can mentally prepare myself for the other view.

Looking forward to it!!

5 December 2021

A Sunday evening well spent

Saw Soumen after a long time. His was the first house we had been invited to after we moved to Atlanta. With Amitesh and Soumen around, discussions were invariably of more serious nature – politics, religion and such that requires you to have a safe zone to have open dialogs.

Great time spent!

5 December 2021

What does loneliness feel like?

Driving back from the hospice every Sunday is one of those pensive periods in my week when the mind wafts away to deep thoughts. With mostly unanswered questions.

Patricia is my nonagenarian friend. She is frail as frail can be. It used to be that we would get her in the main area for her meals. These days, even that has become too onerous for her. Every time I go to see her – she is invariably in her bed, doubled down like an unborn baby, deep in sleep.

Or so I used to think. I have realized over the months that she is often awake but too tired to open her eyes. If she did open her eyes to answer any of my questions or ask me for something, it would be only for a fleeting second. One trick invariably perks her up is when I fish my phone out and show her pictures of our dog. Without exception, she will have that blissful smile in her face.

Today too, she was crumpled up in her bed. Too frail to get up and eat. The staff told me that instead of normal dinner – which for others was soup, salad and rice with shrimp and vegetables – she was just going to have a bottle of Ensure and a piece of chocolate.

The feeding was fairly mechanical and uneventful. I would hold the straw up to her lip and she would take a few sips and pull her head away. A minute later, we would go thru the movie again. And kept repeating till we had almost finished the bottle. She opened her eyes and looked at me. That was her silent way of saying she was done. Switched her up to a piece of chocolate. She readily opened her mouth.

A couple of minutes later, I grabbed a wet wipe from her bathroom and cleaned up her face. She was still tired and had not uttered a single word the whole time. I left the room for a brief moment to call the nurse to put the respirator in her nose. (She needs that help in breathing and I do not have the training to handle that device).

It appeared that she had gone off to sleep. The nurse was rearranging a few of the stuff near her machines. I gathered my stuff and started walking out. I had barely cleared the door when I thought I heard something. The nurse immediately called out – “Roy?”

“Yes?” I had turned around and responded.

“She said ‘Thank you’ to you”.

“Really?”

“Yes, she opened her eyes, looked at you going away and said Thank You”.

A little surprised that she was not asleep, I came to the other side of the bed and bent over to be close to her ears and said “Patricia, good night!”

Taking both the nurse and me by surprise, she held her right arm out.

Thinking about it now, I think she was just trying to wave at me. At that moment though, I thought he was holding her hand out to be held. Involuntarily, that is what I did.

The nurse left soon. A couple of minutes later, I was still there by the bedside bent over holding her hand. It was hurting to stand like that. But my mind was racing thru what was going on in Patricia’s mind. She certainly had more cognitive understanding of what was happening than was apparent with her constantly closed eyes and not much of limb movements.

I decided to come to the other side of the bed and sit in a chair next to it. But I was afraid that she might think I was leaving her. So, gently, I told her “Patricia, I am going to come to the other side and seat by you”. She opened her eyes and closed. I realized that she had understood what I just said.

Letting go of her hand, I quickly switched to the other side, sat down on her wheel chair and held her hand again. I talked to her a couple of times but there was no response. For about ten minutes, I just sat there. Our only company was the gurgling noise of the respirator. All the time I was wondering what was she thinking? If somebody has so much cognitive power left – but has little to no physical strength, what kind of loneliness does one go thru laying in the bed hours after hours, days after days?

I also realized how lucky my parents were. They had each other till pretty much their last day and were surrounded by my sister’s family and my brother’s.

Eventually, I let go of her hand. She did not stir.

I convinced myself that she was asleep. Or was she?

In any case, not to take a chance, I did not even say Good night. Just got up, waited for half a minute to see if she would open her eyes and then tiptoed my way out.

On my way out, I reported back that she had finished her dinner and had gone off to sleep. The staff waved me good bye and I promised to come and see them next week again.

Back behind the wheel, thoughts just kept coming in and out. Perhaps like Patricia’s mind swims into active consciousness and out.

When she wakes up again at night, will she remember that I was there? Will she be looking for me? Or has she realized after so many days in a hospice that she has little say over anything? Even if she was to look for something, she was not going to get it. She is at the mercy of other people’s generosity.

What does one go thru listlessly laying down in the bed at that age when you hit that level of physical inability? How painful is it if the mind is active but the body cannot sustain any activity? What does it feel like to be completely dependent on others? How painful is the transition to that acceptance?

The lights turned green. And I put my attention back to the road as I navigated thru a crowded left turn.

4 December 2021

An evening out on the roof…

With Rupak, Jasmine, DJ and PJ !! It was a little on the colder side on the roof but the fire kept us comfortable…

The last time we came out to Alpharetta downtown with Rupak and Jasmine was a year back… we took aa walk on the loop by the building that has now become our house!! And today, she was carrying the two pair of socks that I had given her that day to keep herself warm!!!

3 December 2021

Picked up an Asterix to read after some time

This is Asterix and the Black Gold

Here is an excerpt from Wikipedia about the book:

Asterix and the Black Gold (French: L’Odyssée d’Astérix literally “Asterix’s Odyssey”) is the twenty-sixth volume of Asterix comic book series, originally published in 1981. It is the second book to be both written and drawn by Albert Uderzo.

The book describes Asterix’s and Obelix’s voyage to the Middle East. It is mainly inspired by James Bond films and biblical tales.

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