By now, you probably have read my previous post. I met Jessica yesterday again, after a week, since I am in her city to pick Nikita from her college camp.
I had asked her if she would like to be my first guest writer on my blog. She had agreed to. Over dinner, I picked up her write up.
Here is her writing. (with very minor edits from me)…
When I was growing up I dreamed of being a princess, having a family, becoming a CEO, scuba diving, traveling, and overall living a fairytale life. I never put “victim” in that category. A victim was someone who put himself or herself in a bad situation and who I watched on “Law and Order”.
And then one night I added “victim” to my list. The assault was not the worst part (and I was somewhere I should have been safe.) The worst part was the tears, people asking if I was telling the truth, and not knowing who to trust or what to do. It was the panic attacks and absolute fear to be in public (I was too afraid to even go into a Starbucks to order a coffee alone). That feeling did not go away after 48 hours. That feeling did not go away after 1 year … or 3 years.
It took a solid 5+ years of an incredible support system (including friends, family, therapy) before I held my head up again and looked forward to another day. I am beyond lucky it only took me 5 years to regain some of the strength back but to be honest there are still days 7 years later I would rather stay in bed all day and pretend the world did not continue to spin. In those years I have lost touch with friends and relationships were ended because I could not open myself up to trust or love.
But I have removed “victim” and I am now a “survivor”. I am someone who lost herself and honestly there were days (still are) I get infuriated with what happened and I ask why? But I now know that the why is so I can be me today. I am blessed to have the support system I do who have held me up physically and emotionally. The path I am on was to lead me to today and what I can give back to my community and others.
I am getting there now.
I am a survivor.